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Three things to help reach your goals

What is the best time of year for a NFL franchise? Preseason Camp.  What is the best time of year for a struggling baseball franchise? Spring Training.

For most people, the start of the journey is the most exciting part.  The goal is set and there is optimism.  When the trials and tribulations occur (which they always do) the real work kicks in.   When these challenges arise goals are frequently aborted.

Goals are great; however, setting goals are the bare minimum.  I used to believe simply writing your goals down every day was enough.  It is not.  In college baseball, this is the best time of year for a lot of programs.  Check twitter: you will see “Omaha challenges,” and “Cary challenges” from a lot of college baseball programs (Omaha, NE and Cary, NC are the host of their respective World Series).  EVERY sports franchise/team has goals.  EVERY school and business has goals.  Goals are not enough! In order to make a goal a reality you must have three things: Reasons (why), sacrifice, and the habits to be successful.

What’s your Reason? What’s Your Why?
Have you ever noticed many of our elite performers: actors, athletes, musicians, oftentimes have overcome a major obstacle in life such as: an abusive childhood, an absent mother or father, or some kind of major trauma?  Most people are broken by traumatic events; however, certain people resolve to use negative events to propel their goals and dreams.

The more powerful your reason or your why, the higher the probability that your dream will become a reality.  In sports, you’ll frequently hear: “I love to win.” Or, “I want to do it for my parents.” Or, “I want to be all-conference, all state, or an All-American.”  The problem is 95% of those involved in sports will have a similar “why” and if you find yourself on the side of the heavy majority you’re not in a position to achieve greatness.  When we fail to achieve our objectives, it typically isn’t a “goal” issue; instead we haven’t identified a strong enough why.

Please watch this interview of Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens.  The entire video is full of gems but he gets to his “why” around the 4:25 mark.  It takes more than talent to last 16 years in the NFL.
Steve Smith

In addition, my favorite “why” for 2016 is from James Connor of the Pitt Panthers.  James endured chemotherapy after being diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma.  He has battled his way back on the field and in Pitt’s win yesterday versus Duke he became the all-time touchdown leader in ACC history.   One of his why’s is “to play for someone who can’t.”  Take the time and read his article, “Nothing is Guaranteed from the Player’s Tribune here: James Connor Players Tribune

What are you willing to sacrifice?
You say you want to win championships, be a CEO, own your own business, or run an elite school.  The goal has been established.  You’ve challenged yourself to identify your reason why.  The next question you must ask is: What am I willing to sacrifice?  I’ll be honest, this is where the dream ends for most people.  Sacrifice is scary.  We don’t want to abandoned the seemingly “fun” things in our life: partying, socializing, eating poorly, or drinking to excess? Even if we can get past these negative habits, sacrificing time with family and friends (which are unfortunately necessary) will stop most people. Before you set a goal it is imperative you own the importance of sacrifice.

Please think for a moment about sports. Most amateur baseball players say they want to play in the Big Leagues.  Very few people think about the sacrifice making that goal a reality.  For example, the lifestyle of a minor league player is far from glamorous.  To start, you are going to be away from family and friends for eight months of the year.  Maybe you are newly married, in February you report to spring training then you head off to small towns throughout the country.  You make very little money so more than likely your wife has to work and cannot accompany you during the summer.  The minor league player, while trying to overcome the daunting odds of making the Big Leagues, is dealing with issues back home while traveling on a bus in between games.  How many birthday parties, family gatherings, and friend’s weddings will you miss while pursuing your goals?  Even if you make it to “the show” you play 162 games a year and 81 of those are on the road.  Most people say, “Well, if I was making a million dollars, I wouldn’t care.” True, the money is very good if you are an elite player; however, they are still human.  Time away from your children and family is still extremely difficult.  Money may help but it doesn’t solve the problem.

Here is a good article on Matt Buschmann who made his big league debut in April at the age of 32.
Matt Buschmann

Do your Habits align with your goals?
Once you have identified your why and decided that you are willing to sacrifice gravely for your dreams, the final piece is aligning your habits with your mission.  Success leaves clues.  We are in an age where there is an abundance of information and a severe deficit of follow through.  If I want to be a difference maker as a high school principal, there are multiple places where I can find information on how the top schools are executing.  However, if my actions and habits do not match those of leaders of the district I cannot expect to have high level results.

Health and fitness goals are often sabotaged by our habits.  Let’s say our goal is to maintain a healthy weight and a high fitness level.  However, our current habit is to eat a lunch high in sodium and fat from a fast food restaurant.  In addition, instead of going for a walk after work our habit is two drink a couple of beers.  We can have solid goals, but if we fail to establish the habits we will never reach our destination.

Western Michigan’s head football coach, PJ Flack, has guided the Broncos to an 11-0 start and top 25 ranking.  Coach Flack is different and his style is not for everyone.  For aspiring coaches, this piece is a great example of the habits of a highly successful coach. Coach Flack

Conclusion:
Having goals is very common.  Goals alone won’t be enough to navigate through life’s pitfalls.  More important than goals are developing powerful reasons.  A strong “why” will allow you to triumph over almost anything.  Along with the reasons we must decide what we are willing to give up in order to realize our goals.  Finally, it is imperative we align our habits with our dreams.
This could be a powerful week.  When is the last time you evaluated your goals?  More importantly, have you analyzed your why, what your willing to sacrifice and how your habits are determining your outcomes?  Invest the time this week to reflect.

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What do you do when your child gets beaten out?

Being a parent is hard.  Being a parent of a child involved in sports is even harder. Please understand that this newsletter is not intended to be cynical.  As a parent myself, I am acutely aware how the love for our children can make us irrational and crazy.  I am concerned.  There is an epidemic of parent involvement that is severely damaging the athletic experience for the youth and also driving good coaches out of the profession.

Negative Parent Behaviors
Let’s say your child finds himself in a role he does not like; maybe he isn’t starting or worse yet, he isn’t playing at all.  He’s upset.  He calls home nightly and says how he isn’t given a chance.  One day, he calls and lets you know he got yelled at in practice.  As the parent, your heart hurts.  Your child is upset and you have been conditioned to believe you can change the situation.  Below are five reactions you must avoid.

  1. “The Threat Maker.”This person is completely irrational.They will threaten to do several things: “I will kick your ____!” or “You wait; I will have you fired!” Nothing is off limits; they will attack the coach in front of family and friends. They are not above forming petitions, calling the principal or president of the university. In their mind, the coach has destroyed their son or daughter’s life and the coach will pay for it!
  2. “The Defense Attorney”- While not as irrational as the “Threat Maker”, the Attorney shares many of the same delusional qualities. This person has built their case for why their son should be starting or have a more prominent role. They’ve done the research and the coaching staff is clearly wrong in their decision making. If you need proof, they have the data to support their case. This case has likely consumed them; they have sacrificed time at home and at work laboring on this project.
  3. “Please don’t tell him I called”- This person has stewed over their daughter’s role for days/weeks/months. They have likely drafted many emails previously but their better judgment stopped them from hitting send. Finally, they believe, “enough is enough..I’m calling!”  The conversation typically starts with small talk and then moves to, “please don’t tell Jimmy I called.He would kill me but…”What this person fails to realize is this conversation ruins the player/coach relationship. The parent has asked the coach to withhold information from the player which is a major violation of trust. Whether fair or not, the coach now sees the player in a different light.
  4. “The Mean Mugger”- This person is mad and her face is going to show it.It doesn’t matter what just happened the coach will know he’s angry. Maybe you just won a huge game or you clinched the league championship.T he coach and team are happy but this person will attempt to cast a cloud over the joyous situation.
  5. “The Gossip”- This person is constantly trying to spread rumors and drum up support from the other parents. “Did you hear she made them run for a half hour after the game yesterday?”  Or, “Have you noticed how Coach only plays the guys he likes?”  The Gossip can be harmless but the Gossip can also have malicious intent.
My Recommendations:
  1. Self-Reflect- why are you so upset? Is it because of your child or is this personal? Are you living vicariously through your child? Is this more about you than them? Most of the anger I see is typically because the parents’ ego is bruised more than the kids.
  2. Find an outlet- Find someone to talk to; don’t be afraid to vent.  Coaches aren’t perfect for sure, talk to your spouse or friend about the situation. Get it all out there. However, resist the urge to let your child know your displeasure. This will create a “victim’s mentality” for the kid. You don’t want that.
  3. Take the pressure off- going into my sophomore year of college I wasn’t a starter. My parents told me they were making the trip to Florida for our team’s spring trip. I knew that trip stretched our family thin and I was nervous. I remember telling my dad that I probably wasn’t going to play.“Michael, do you think I care if YOU play? Your mom and I are going to be in Florida. We are going to watch baseball and have fun. Don’t worry about you playing.” Talk about freedom. This allowed me to be able to enjoy the team and not worry about pleasing my parents. What can you do to help free your child up?
  4. Keep it in perspective- Is this THAT bad? Is this going to matter five years from now? You have a healthy child who’s participating on a team. Encourage them to find a role, practice harder, help the coaches and explain how fortunate they are to be involved (even if you have to fake it).
  5. Encourage your child- I ended up being a 1st team all-conference outfielder my sophomore year. My junior year, with higher expectations, I struggled. Eventually I got pulled from the line-up. I can honestly say that my dad never criticized the coach nor did he bash me. He would just say, “keep working.You know you are a really good player.” He was basically saying, “You don’t deserve to be playing right now but go earn your way back out there.”
  6. Stay away- Are you around too much? Are you adding pressure? This is very tough for parents to hear but I believe our kids don’t need us to always be there (For proof, observe kids playing at recess). If you find your presence is making the situation worse don’t go to a few contests.Your kid will survive, I promise.
  7. Thank the coach- Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Your child isn’t having the experience you want and I am asking you to thank them. Be bigger than the situation. What an example to set for your child and those around you. Being appreciative when everything is perfect is easy; being appreciative when things aren’t going your way is elite.
My Advice to Coaches
Coaches we have a huge responsibility; we are coaching someone’s child.  Think about that during your interactions.  Sometimes we forget this.  Also, I have witnessed and heard of coaches who are obnoxious with their children’s coaches.  Talk about being hypocritical.  Our job is to try to be the example in our communities.  We should not take this responsibility lightly.

My Advice to Parents
Parenting is incredibly difficult.  As a father of four, please trust me that I understand.  With that being said, we have to be better.  The challenge is for you to set the example in your community or within your sports organization.  Be different.  Promise that you will support your child and their team in a positive manner.  We have already lost too many great coaches to parental involvement.  Please decide to be a part of the solution.

Final Thoughts
If you are a sports parent at some point your child will experience rejection.  He/she may not get chosen for an all-star team, they may get cut from their high school team, or not have the role they desire in college.  In the moment, this will feel catastrophic; however, it is not.  When the rejection occurs you will think the coach has malicious intentions.  I’m here to tell you that 99% of the time this isn’t the case.  Typically, it is simply because they got beat out; nothing more, nothing less.

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Culture: And the four pillars of our baseball program

Almost everywhere you look sports teams, school districts, and business organizations are discussing the importance of culture.  Before you read any further, please take one minute and write down your definition of culture…

How did you do?  If you performed the exercise my guess is you found this “simple” assignment fairly challenging.  Attempting to describe culture is like trying to describe love; it’s just not that easy.  Many folks, when describing culture will point to another buzz term: core values.  When developing core values organizations typically turn to the usual suspects of words: integrity, commitment, excellence, and accountability.  What frequently follows the identification of these values is a mission statement.  This mission statement oftentimes is then displayed as a picture on the wall or made into a T-shirt.  All around the country organizations are attempting to create culture in this hollow way.

Today, let’s take a look at culture in a different light. First, let’s start by defining culture.

Culture: The invisible hand that drives the actions and ultimately the results of your organization 24/7/365.

Culture isn’t a list of words; it is living and breathing.  It’s the actions and attitudes of the members of the group.  When we are immersed in the culture we fail to notice things.  We assume.  This is dangerous because our culture is always at work.  We may proclaim “Teamwork” as one of our values, but the true actions of the culture are selfish.  Culture isn’t what we hope it is; instead, culture simply “is what it is.”  You can’t fake it, nor can you cheat it.

I’d like to briefly share the cornerstone of our baseball team’s culture.  As a disclaimer, please let me clarify that WE ARE FAR FROM PERFECT.  Just like so many of you, we are fighting daily to make sure the “invisible hand” of our program is working toward our goals and not against them.  We are extremely intentional about educating recruits, their families, as well as our current players and parents about our culture.

Here are the four pillars of our program:

  1. “Mudita”- If you have read my articles in the past you have heard me discuss mudita.  It is vicarious joy.  It’s being happy for someone else’s success as if it were your own.  It’s selflessness.  It’s looking to serve others.  Mudita, at its best, is a force multiplier.  The best example of mudita I have ever seen is this video from Alabama softball.  Here is a link:
  2. “Kaizen”- Kaizen was originally used as a Japanese business phrase that means: “continuous and never ending improvement.”  In our program it simply means our mission is to challenge ourselves to get better.  It starts with me.  I have to examine everything we do: recruiting, weight training, offense and defense philosophies; the list goes on and on.  This needs to flow throughout the program to our assistants, our players, and managers.  Kaizen is exhausting; you are never satisfied.  Here is a great article about “Everyday” Ray Allen that exemplifies Kaizen.
  3. Grit – “Courage or resolve; strength of character; strength of will; toughness”- Rod Olson.  Striving for greatness is challenging.  It’s not for everyone. There are difficult days; days in which you want to quit.  Our culture is designed to knock everyone (including me) outside of their comfort zone. We have to actively look for ways to instill this “endangered” attribute, grit.  Angela Duckworth, in her incredibly popular Ted Talk, explained how grit; not money, upbringing, intelligence, or appearance, is the number one predictor of success. Grit is a skill that can be developed.
    (On a side note, for all of us parents, it’s ironic that our best intentions of protecting our children are actually damaging their chances of success).
  4. Gratitude – “The quality of being thankful; a readiness to show kindness and appreciation.”- Rod Olson.  If you are playing baseball in our program you are extremely fortunate.  You have the opportunity to get a degree from an incredible university and the chance to be a part of something much bigger than yourself.  How many people in the world would love that opportunity?  I want our young men to understand this and to not take it for granted.  Our society is desperately missing gratitude.  We just assume that we deserve anything and everything we desire. I’m sure our players get annoyed with me, but I will continue to teach and model gratitude.

Your Assignment:
How is your culture?  Roll up your sleeves and do the tough, dirty work.  Get in there and examine the current climate of your organization.  Is the “invisible hand” driving the results you want?  Or is it pushing you further away from your goals?  It is incredibly important to face this head on; a culture exists whether you like it or not.  It’s our job as leaders to be intentional about creating the culture that is best for the organization.

One Final Challenge:
Write down the culture, values, and/or the goals and objectives of your organization.  Please take this challenge.  If you can’t write it down and clearly articulate it, you are leaving your culture up to chance.  Your culture is ALWAYS working; it’s up to you to create it.

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