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DANCING WITH FEAR

One of my favorite clips from the 2016 World Series was Chicago Cubs star, Anthony Rizzo, asking David Ross for advice on how to handle the pressure of the moment. “I can’t control myself right now. I’m an emotional wreck.” Ross, the veteran catcher, responds with this comforting advice, “It’s only going to get worse. Just continue to breathe. That’s all you can do, buddy. Wait until the 9th with this three-run lead.” Rizzo is smiling during the conversation. He’s dancing with fear. Watch Rizzo dancing with fear (0:32)

“No Fear!”

When I was growing up there was a popular shirt that read, “NO FEAR.” The idea was the highest achievers were absent of fear; in essence, they were “FEARLESS.”

Fortunately, we now know much of what we believed was true about fear is actually rubbish. Trevor Ragan does an amazing job in his TedX talk (17:46) bridging the gap between what science says about fear and how we normally discuss it.

Ragan describes how a part of the brain named, Amygdala, is built for survival. The nickname for Amygdala is “The Lizard Brain.” Its job is to generate fear to keep us away from danger. Every person possesses the Lizard Brain; to be fearless is not humanly possible. The problem with the Lizard Brain is that it cannot distinguish between real danger and a challenge. It interprets everything as danger.

According to Ragan, there are four common things that the Lizard Brain interprets as danger that are really just a challenge: Uncertainty, Attention, Change and Struggle.
• Uncertainty: We all know someone who cannot stand their job. They are talented and have a lot to offer. Despite of their loathing, they won’t quit. They prefer the certainty of displeasure over the uncertainty of the unknown.
• Attention: I was in a meeting last week. I was very unclear on a topic that everyone else appeared to understand (or my Lizard Brain convinced me everyone else understood). Instead of asking the question, and having the attention on me, I chose to stay silent. The Lizard Brain won the battle. It kept me safe, however, I didn’t grow.
• Change: The Lizard Brain will fight hard to interpret change as danger. Moving an office, a job relocation, new responsibilities – all of these things can be seen as terrifying. In actuality, they are loaded with opportunity.
• Struggle: If there is a choice between easy or hard, the Lizard Brain will want us to choose easy. If it’s between doing something right now or procrastinating, it’ll choose procrastinating. The Lizard Brain doesn’t want us to delay gratification. Instead, it wants us to choose immediate satisfaction.

It’s important to realize that we are not alone in this battle, everyone has these same internal struggles. It is our choice to begin building up the mental muscles to battle the Lizard.

Coaching/Leading Application:

“It’s much easier to hit from the 3rd base coaching box than it is from the batter’s box.” As a leader, we must remember that it is easier to tell others what they should do compared to actually being the doer. We must remind ourselves that the folks we are leading often lack the life experiences to win the battle over fear. Cracking a joke or saying, “there’s nothing to be afraid of” isn’t enough. Give them permission to feel and acknowledge fear.

Our job is to get them to understand the difference between danger and a challenge. “Is that danger or is it really a growth experience?” “What’s the worst thing that can come from this?” “What will you learn from this if you give it a shot?” Our goal should be to encourage them to build up their life repetitions. The current victory over the Lizard is preparing them for a tougher, more critical battle in the future.

Be a Doer!

One of my mentors and friends, author Rod Olsen, frequently says, “We cannot give away what we don’t possess.” I want to encourage you this week to challenge your relationship with fear. It is so much easier to say, “I know someone who could really use this information.” Instead of this line of thinking, I encourage you to look inward first. When is the last time you won a battle over the Lizard? This week, can make the choice to pursue the hard “right” thing and not the easy “wrong?”

Final Thoughts:

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to ask a big-league manager a question. “Skip, how do you take the pressure off the players so they can perform their best?” He just looked at me with a smile and said, “Mike, pressure’s a big part of what we do. You can’t take that away. You just have to learn to dance with it!”

This week, join me on the dance floor moving with fear. We are not alone. Elite performers, like Anthony Rizzo, are also in the struggle. When we feel fear, we need to refine the feeling as something positive. The fear is actually telling us that we are on to something special. Push forward. Keep going.

Let’s battle the Lizard this week,

Mike

P.S. Ragan suggests asking this question, “When has fear robbed you of an opportunity to grow?”

 

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Finding Your Why

In 2014, Pittsburgh Panther running back, James Conner, was on top of the world.  At the conclusion of the season he was named the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) Offensive Player of the Year. James had his mind set on having an even better 2015 season that would position him to enter the NFL draft in the spring.

On the eighth play of the 2015 season Conner went down with a torn medial collateral ligament (MCL).  While rehabbing the season ending injury, Conner was experiencing fatigue and other odd symptoms.  After being encouraged by his family, coaches and friends Conner visited the doctor where he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma.  Cancer.

Because of his high visibility, Conner was given the option to have a private room during his treatments.  He chose not to, “Cancer don’t care if you are black or white.  It comes and it comes hard.  I’m no better than anyone else.”

Conner became an inspiration to hundreds and thousands of people going through treatment.  Videos began to surface of him performing workouts with his teammates after his chemotherapy treatments.  In 2016, he was awarded the “Disney Spirit Award” which is given to college football’s most inspirational individual or team.

James Conner was always driven.  His drive allowed him to achieve incredible results on the gridiron.  Following the ’14 season his focus was on developing into an elite NFL prospect.  After his battle with cancer, Conner discovered his true why – “I play football for somebody who can’t.” Watch James Conner describe his “Why” (1:58)

The Story of My Why:

At the American Baseball Coaches Association in 2007, I listened as sports executive and motivational speaker, Pat Williams, discussed the importance of reading and life-long learning.  He made a statement that if you read one book a week for 10 years you’ll have read over 5,000 books.  I was already an avid reader but his words took me to another level.  Reading was now a competitive advantage that I could use to make me a better coach.  Unexpectedly, this led me to my why.

I am on the journey of discovering my best self.  Equally as important, I want others to join me in this pursuit.  For years, I believed success was an either/or type of thing.  For example, you are either a successful coach OR a good husband and father.  I now realize success and happiness are not mutually exclusive. Why can’t we be healthy, fit and happy at the same time that we are thriving at work?  Why can’t we have a deep meaningful relationship with our spouse and still maintain strong connections with our friends?

For me, it starts at home.  I want nothing more than for my wife and kids to find something that gets them fired up for their future.  Next, it moves to the players and coaches in our baseball program.  From there, it extends to the people I connect with via the newsletter and coaching seminars.  Nothing fills me with joy more than seeing those I’m close with get on their path to greatness.  It is easy to see when someone has found their sweet spot.  It’s no longer work, they are on a mission to serve.

In my heart, I know that we are all put on this Earth to make a difference; to live a life of deep meaning.  If we are bold enough to chase our dreams, we will be met with adversity and resistance along the way.  When challenges arise, and they always do, we must be equipped with the tools to fight. Your why will push you, drag you, through those times.  Without a why it is easier to give in and eventually give up.

I wish I could say it was easy, but it’s not.  It’s critical to have a powerful why because the path is littered with obstacles.  As we inch closer to our goals and dreams it becomes tougher and tougher. We need a guiding force, a strong and powerful why that keeps us moving forward. Without the why, it is easy to retreat and surrender to the pressure and sacrifice that accompanies high achievement.

Conclusion:

Following his battle with cancer, James Conner was drafted in third round of the 2017 NFL draft by the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He is currently the top running back on the depth chart (disclaimer: top running back, Le’Veon Bell, is holding out in a contract dispute).  He has gone against the odds and has become a professional football player.  I wouldn’t bet against that young man, his why is too strong. Every time I see him carry the football I think, “He’s running for all those people who can’t!”

Think of a time you were really down or facing strong adversity. Ask yourself, deep down, why did I push through? Why didn’t I succumb to the fear? How did I find the strength to charge forward when everything was telling me to stop? That might just be where you find your why…

Make it a great week,

Mike

Watch this great Ted Talk on why business leaders need to start with the “WHY” (5:00)

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Facing Reality: Not for the Weak

 

Facing Reality: Not for the Weak

I am convinced one of the biggest competitive advantages lies in an individual’s or organization’s ability to face reality.  The best athletes, leaders, teams and businesses can analyze a situation accurately.  To help best demonstrate the idea of facing reality here is a sports scenario:

Sports Application:
Three baseball players are off competing in the summer.  Let’s pretend the athletes finish with the same statistics:

Batting
Average		 On-Base
Percentage		 Slugging
Percentage
.210 .290 .380

For those of you not familiar, these are less than impressive numbers.  It’s not uncommon for athletes to struggle in their career; in fact, nearly every performer struggles at some point.  As a coach, I’m not as concerned with the poor performance, my interest is how they process the situation.  There are three potential responses.  The first two are the most common, while the third response is optimal.

Common Response: Being Overly Positive
Player 1 is wearing rose-colored glasses.  When asked how the summer went he says, “It was awesome.  I played great.  The numbers weren’t there but I had a TON of bad luck.  I felt good.  I really felt like I should have been an all-star.  The coaching staff didn’t use me right.  There’s no doubt I was the best player on the team.”

A very common response is seeing things better than they really are. This is a defense mechanism used to avoid the reality that major improvement is necessary. If they admit any failure, it’s due to external forces (bad fields, coaches, and other circumstances). It’s really tough to improve from this position. Usually this person has major self-image issues and they are masking it by being overly confident and positive. It’s tough to improve if the person is unwilling to admit there is a problem.

Common Response: Being Overly Negative
Player 2 walks in with his head down and shoulders slumped. “I stink. The other players were so much better. I don’t know if I’ll ever hit again. I’m the worse player on the planet.”

Player 2’s response to adversity is the polar opposite of Player 1; however, it is equally ineffective. This person often defends their negative mindset by saying they are a “perfectionist” or worse, a “realist.” Or, they will say they want it “so bad.” In actuality, this is extreme immaturity. This line of thinking suppresses growth and development.

The Optimal Response
Player 3 is not pleased with his performance. When discussing the summer, he admits his struggles but from a non-judgmental space. He understands he needs to make adjustments and improve. “Man, I just couldn’t get it going this summer” he says with a slight smile. “The competition was really good but I can play at this level. Now I know what it takes. I can’t wait to start working.”

Acknowledging the situation for what it really is and being confident that the future will be better is the optimal response to adversity. Taking ownership of the result while preparing for growth and improvement provides an athlete with the best chance of reaching their peak performance.

Leadership Application:
Having the courage to face reality is a huge competitive advantage. Most leaders and organizations are extremely resistant. Facing reality is uncomfortable; it’s not easy to receive feedback. That’s why the most effective leaders I know are honest. They embrace the fact that they are not perfect, nor is the culture of their organization.

Below is an email from an executive I am working with to members of his team. He leads a highly successful division in a mid-size company. What impresses me most is his courage to welcome feedback in order to best serve.

“I think you have a sense of how much I value what you do and how you are as people and co-workers. My goal is to continually get better and I always want your ideas on how we can improve as a team and how I can improve. Please answer these questions (by individual reply) with brutal honesty to help me grow:

1. Describe a time when I eroded your trust in me.
2. Rank (1-10) how much you believe I care about (a) you as a person and (b) your overall happiness (not just in the workplace).
3. Describe whether you’d prefer more or less feedback/direction.
4. Describe any roadblocks that are keeping you from performing at your highest level.
5. Describe how I can support you to remove or overcome these roadblocks.
6. Describe a time when you made a suggestion and believe I dismissed it without giving it the consideration it deserved.
7. Add anything else that you believe can help me be a better leader.

Facing reality with brutally honest feedback is the only way to continually improve. It’s not easy for the person providing the feedback or the recipient. I want you to be confident that nothing you submit will affect our relationship whatsoever. I look forward to your (brutal) responses.

Thanks for helping me improve!!”

 

Final Thoughts:
Facing reality is not easy. In fact, most people and organizations are unwilling to do the hard work necessary. What’s worse is when the leaders think they know the answers to all these questions. This is a big opportunity for those of us willing to get uncomfortable. Every person, leader and organization has problems and issues. We have to first ask the right questions to clearly understand the issues. This is the only way we can handle these issues head on, otherwise, we allow them to grow in the dark. If we truly want to improve and pursue peak performance, it’s imperative that we take the blinders off and accurately assess our reality.

This Week’s Challenge:
Choose one of these three questions this week and ask your employees or players:

  1. What is your description of the organizational/team culture?
  2. Which one of your teammates or co-workers is doing a fantastic job that should be recognized?
  3. What roadblocks are you facing and how can leadership support you to remove those roadblocks?

Join me this week in having the courage to face reality.

– Mike

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Run Your Own Race

In 1997 two McDonald’s All-Americans stepped on Dukes’ campus.  Shane Battier, was named the high school player of the year out of Detroit Country Day in Michigan.  The other player was reigning Mr. Basketball of New York, Elton Brand.  Both players eventually became National Players of the Year.  Their paths to achievement, however, were quite different.

Elton Brand was an immediate impact player.  Below are his statistics.

 

Elton Brand Team Record Points Rebounds Assists
1997-‘98 32-4 13.4 7.3 0.5
1998-‘99 37-2 17.7 9.8 1.1

 

Following the 1998-’99 seasons Elton Brand was the National Player of the Year.  He declared himself eligible for the NBA draft.  He was the number one pick overall by the Chicago Bulls.

Shane Battier had a different path.  The more accomplished high school player didn’t find immediate success. Here are his first two seasons.

 

Shane Battier Team Record Points Rebounds Assists
1997-‘98 32-4 7.6 6.4 1.1
1998-‘99 37-2 9.1 4.9 1.5

Battier stayed at Duke for his junior and senior years.  His production greatly increased.  His senior concluded with being named National Player of the Year.  In addition, the Blue Devils were crowned National Champs.  Following the season, Battier was selected 6th overall in the NBA draft by the Miami Heat.

 

“Run Your Own Race”

Every year, Mike Krzyzewski, has the tough challenge of trying to get elite talent to work together toward team goals.  Managing egos is a big part of his job.  Athletes with elite talent and pedigree are accustomed to being the star.  When they are surrounded by other stars they are often forced to take a lesser role.  Also making this challenging is they observe other players excelling while they are struggling.  To help combat the mental strain that often accompanies internal competition Coach K educates his athletes to “run their own race.”

“We tell each player that comes in each of you run your own race, and collectively we run a team race.  If Shane Battier was running Elton Brand’s race he would have been disappointed.  Kids come along different: some faster than stop.  Some slower then fast; some fast and never stop.  Don’t gauge yourself on how someone else is doing.  Gauge yourself on how you are doing.”- Coach Mike Krzyzewski

Inner Space vs. Outer Space

I strongly encourage you to run your own race. If you haven’t figured it out yet, there will be things you can control and things you cannot; there will be an inner space and outer space.  Your inner space consists of your effort, attitude, work-ethic, coach-ability; things within your control.  Outer space, on the other hand, are things out of your control: playing time; what others are saying; friends and family; etc. If you choose to focus on the outer space, you are running the wrong race.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen a first-year athlete step on campus and have a ton of success.  Someone in their same class, for whatever reason, doesn’t have the same positive experience in that first year.  Oftentimes it’s simply situational: the team has a need in the post; therefore, the 6’8 player gets an opportunity and the 5’10 guard doesn’t.  Sometimes it’s physical and mental maturity.  Other times, the coaching staff makes a mistake.  Regardless of the reason, it doesn’t matter.  The examples I listed are outer space items.  They are not within the athlete’s control.  Focusing, or obsessing, upon things that cannot be controlled are the demise of an athlete’s career.

Over time, the cream rises to the top.  The freshman who has a ton of success in year one isn’t guaranteed the same success in subsequent years.  In fact, it’s common for the person who finds instant success to get passed by players who had lesser roles earlier in their careers.  The sooner the athlete realizes to focus on their inner space, things directly in their control, the more full-filling career they will experience.

Final Comparison:

Elton Brand finished his 17 year NBA Career in 2015-2016.  During that time, he earned $169,229,324.  He had an amazing career averaging 15.9ppg and 8.5 rebounds.  He never won an NCAA or NBA Championship.

Shane Battier, retired after 13 seasons following the 2013-2014 season.  His career earnings were $56,569,622.  He averaged 8.6ppg and 4.2 rebounds while capturing an NCAA championship in 2001 and an NBA Championship in 2012.

Should Battier look at his career as a failure? He ONLY made 56 million in his career.  Also, his stat line wasn’t nearly as impressive as Brand’s.  What about Brand? Yes, he made a ton of money and had great statistics but he never won a championship.  Aren’t great athletes remembered by rings?

“Comparison is the Thief of Joy”

Do you see how silly this sounds?  Both men had amazing careers.  Think about how often we get caught up in needless comparisons.  “They live in a nicer neighborhood.”  “Our kids are better behaved.”  “Did you see where they vacationed?”

Why are we so worried about what others are doing?  We spend an extraordinary amount of time comparing ourselves to others.  This mindset limits us in many ways; it robs us of happiness.

This week, let’s make a commitment to run our own race.  Focus on your inner space and not your outer space.

 

Mike

To watch Coach K describe “Running Your Own Race” watch this video from “What Drives Winning.”

“How to Stop Comparing and Start Competing”

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