Seven Characteristics To Build Successful Young People

I’ve been extremely fortunate to connect with many leaders from various backgrounds over the past several years.  A recurring theme I am hearing is that new hires, despite having the strong academic resumes, lack mental toughness.  They’ve never experienced failure, or they’ve never really been pushed.  At the first sign of adversity, they often shrink.  Here’s the gap.  In our rush as parents and educators to build self-esteem and provide every advantage for our children, we are frequently missing the mark.  As a father of four, and as a coach of many more, I understand the difficulty in watching young people struggle.  My natural inclination is to protect them. The interesting paradox is that in the struggle is where the characteristics of success are often being built. The process of failing, followed by pushing through and ultimately achieving, is what builds self-confidence. This cannot be created in the absence of struggle.

“How Children Succeed” author, Paul Tough, identified seven strengths that were especially likely to predict life satisfaction and high achievement. We used to believe that these traits were innate. The exciting news is we now know that these skills are learnable. I’d like to share how competitive athletics can help our young people achieve a happy and meaningful life.

       1.  Grit can be defined as physical and mental toughness; the ability to persevere and overcome obstacles.  To play competitive sports, athletes are going to have to have a little “throw down.”  On a daily basis, they are knocked out of their comfort zone.  In order to meet the challenges, they are tested.  Without grit, it is extremely difficult to last in a competitive sports environment.

       2.  Self-Control comes in many forms: doing the hard right instead of the easy wrong; delaying gratification; and maintaining calm in the face of adversity.  To pursue excellence in competitive sports, self-control is a must.  Having the discipline to stay focused when many are choosing instant gratification is challenging but critical for the committed athlete.

       3.  Zest is having liveliness, spark or energy.  Ask any coach, the most fun people to work with are the ones who have a little bounce in their step.  There are certain people who just lift the energy of an organization as soon as they arrive.  For years, I’ve told potential student-athletes and their families, “I want to coach fun, young men who view being coached as a privilege.”  Basically, I’m trying to attract people with zest.

       4.  Social Intelligence is the ability to connect and bond with all different types of humans. This is probably the greatest gift athletes can acquire through competitive athletics.  Personally, I thank sports every day for allowing me to meet so many amazing people from eclectic backgrounds.   Sports provided me the repetitions to be able to walk into any room and feel comfortable.

       5.  Gratitude can be defined as being thankful; a readiness to show appreciation.  This is one of the four pillars of our program.  In competitive sports you learn, over time, to be thankful for everything while realizing you are entitled to nothing.  Wins and roles are earned and not given.  You learn to be grateful for your opportunities. Choosing to look at obstacles and challenges as opportunities and blessings is the only way in competitive sports.

       6.  Optimism is an act of faith, a belief in something that can’t be proven.  Athletes and teams face impossible odds. Pursuing a championship or elite-level performance is a daunting task. Before any team can accomplish greatness, it must believe that it can.

       7.  Curiosity is a drive to question the status quo.  Top-level teams, organizations and individuals are constantly learning and evolving.  There is a constant quest to learn more in order to gain a competitive advantage.  The best athletes I’ve met invest in themselves; they take complete ownership of their careers by studying, learning and asking how can I do this better.  “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it” is never a satisfactory answer for any elite team or organization. This constant search for new and better ways to do things is a staple of high-achievers.

 Some Thoughts for Parents, Coaches and Business Leaders

Parents: I love my kids a lot.  I have a blind spot.  It’s difficult for me to drive and push them out of their comfort zone.  It doesn’t have to be sports, but I want them to find something that fires them up.  More importantly, I want them to find a coach or mentor who shares the same passion they do and has their heart in the right place.  From there, I’m getting the heck out of the way and letting that person “do their thing.”   I don’t care if they are mean, abrasive, sweet or kind – I just want them to help my kids develop the intangibles of happiness and meaning that I struggle to provide.

Coaches: You can’t provide a “good experience” for everyone, that’s impossible.  Take a deep dive into yourself. Understand your strengths and weaknesses.  Self-awareness is crucial.  From there, “let it rip.”  Kids are going to encounter numerous leadership styles over their lifetime.  Give them your most authentic self. They will learn so much (good and bad).  The toughest thing about coaching is the benefits provided to the athletes are rarely acknowledged in the moment.  Demanding excellence, even when unpopular, is providing a feedback loop for a lifetime.  You’re helping create the characteristics proven to lead a successful life.  Take pride in that.

Business Leaders: In today’s business environment, especially with the misalignment among Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials, a different level of thinking is necessary.  A clearly-defined culture is crucial. Once you have a clear vision for your culture, you can now look for individuals who first align with or can thrive in your culture, then look to the skills/experience. What are the characteristics of high-functioning and successful people in your organization?  Once clarity has been created, look to seek out these individuals for hire.  Sure, certain skills are necessary, but character traits are critical and often neglected or marginalized in favor of easily quantified attributes (grades, class rank, prior work experience, etc.).

Final Thought

I’m often asked, “Can playing sports negatively affect my grades?” Like most coaches, I used to quickly defend the time allocation of sports and say, “no, actually sports help their performance in the classroom.”  While the statement can be true for some, the incredible amount of time and energy put into pursuing athletic excellence can come with a cost.  What I do believe, however, is that sports enhance the overall academic experience for the young person.  When done properly, sports bring out the characteristics above that lead to true success. Sports force the athlete to manage time, navigate interpersonal relationships, take direction and lead, all while managing the academic rigors. To be clear, it’s not the actual playing of a sport that can assist in building character; instead, it’s the lessons learned pursuing greatness.

Make it a great week,

Mike

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Water the Bamboo

The Story of the Giant Timber Bamboo

Giant Bamboo farmers plant a bamboo seed and begin watering the plant.  Everyday they tend to the bamboo.  In the first year, the bamboo seed fails to grow.  In the second year, still no growth.  During the third year the farmer continues to water the plant still there is no growth.  However, it the fourth year the bamboo seed grows 90 feet in 60 days!!!

Four Real Life Examples of Watering the Bamboo

  1. You are being extremely diligent with your sales calls. You are prepared for meetings and have a strong knowledge of the product.  However, you haven’t seen the growth in revenue that you expected.  Keep watering the bamboo.
  2. You set a goal to lose weight. It has been tough; you have changed your eating habits and have exercised regularly.  Unfortunately, the results haven’t come as fast as you like.  Keep watering the bamboo.
  3. As an athlete, you’ve put in the work. There’s been days when others have made poor choices and you did the “hard right” thing.  However, you are not seeing the playing time or having the success you expected.  Keep watering the bamboo.
  4. You are the first in the office and the last to leave. You care deeply about the organization; your colleagues turn to you when they need advice or help.  You’ve given your all to the organization, but others have been promoted ahead of you.  Keep watering the bamboo.

The characteristics of a bamboo farmer: patience, persistence and self-discipline are tough to find in our instant gratification society.  The question we need to ask ourselves is, “what are we doing today to help achieve our dreams 4, 5 or even 10 years from now?”  When the bamboo farmer is watering during those first three years it is very lonely.  Can you imagine what others who are less informed are saying about them?  “You’re wasting your time.”  “That plant is never going to grow?”

The challenge this week is to continue to think differently.  If you are following your dreams keep going. There will be no shortage of negative people who will find fault with your pursuit.  As Greg Bell, author of “Water the Bamboo,” says, “tell them to mind your own bamboo.”

Keep pushing,

Mike

 

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“They’ll Walk if You Let ‘Em”

As a baseball coach, I get to watch a lot of games at different levels. Hustling on the field is something I learned at a very young age.  Recently, I’ve noticed a trend where players are not running on and off the field.  At times, it is tough to tell if the inning is over because everyone is wandering around instead of leaving the field with urgency.

A few years ago, I heard a coach say “they’ll walk if you let ‘em.”  As an organization we are what we condone.  If we allow poor body language and selfish play then that’s who we are.  We can have all the slogans and quotes we want; however, if the behavior is contrary to our beliefs then the organization is failing in its mission.

It has become popular to complain about “kids now a days.” Talk to the majority of coaches and teachers they will tell you that kids have changed.  They will quickly point out how they are entitled, “soft,” and mentally weak.  There is no doubt kids are different today than they were 20 years ago.  Here’s my question: When has society not been critical of the younger generation? The likes of TV, Elvis shaking his hips, Nintendo, and the Internet have been threatening to ruin our country for a long time.  If we choose to look at this from a different perspective we will see a tremendous opportunity. While others are wasting time complaining we can seek solutions.  Below are three ideas to consider:

The Leader Sets the Pace

The team or organization will have a difficult time outperforming its leadership.  The advanced leader takes full responsibility for setting the pace. They are constantly driving the group forward. In addition, the advanced leader is acutely aware when the pace needs slowed. It is counterproductive to drive non-stop; people need to breathe. Knowing when to step on the gas or when to pump the brakes is critical.

Give Them Ownership

After my first year as an assistant coach I wanted to make a change in our offensive approach and practices.  There was a similar philosophy and structure in place for nearly 40 years and it produced three National championships, six national runner-ups and many All-Americans. I felt I would be a better coach if we made some adjustments (how arrogant of me).  I developed a plan and a structure that I thought would be better for the program. After weeks of working on the plan I finally got the nerve to approach Coach Brewer. “Ahhh Coach, I think we could do better with our offense and here are some ideas.” Coach Brewer looked over the material and bluntly said, “We better score runs.”

Talk about not letting me walk! For the next eight years I took the “we better score runs” as “your job is on the line if we don’t produce.”  He didn’t micromanage; he gave me ownership.  Let me be clear, the success we had in the years to follow had little or nothing to do with a different strategy. However, giving me ownership made me more invested in everything we did- I was all in.  From this experience, I learned that setting the pace doesn’t mean doing everything yourself.  Instead, setting the pace can be applied by delegating and demanding excellence.

When delegating the leader must possess the confidence to allow creativity. If the people (or players) know the standards they will deliver.  Oftentimes, the biggest challenge is staying the heck out of the way.

Demand, Demand, Demand

“A real leader isn’t going to let someone develop at their own pace. One’s own pace is too easy, convenient, and comfortable to reach potential.”-Dave Anderson

Our youth baseball camps are very important to me.  As the owner and director I demand a lot of our staff and players who work the camps.  For example, upon arrival I want someone from the staff (typically me) to greet each camper.  When they enter the field one group goes to the first base dugout; the other, to the third base dugout.  There are two staff members in each dugout interacting with the kids and making sure the environment is safe.  Here is what I’ve noticed over the years: If I don’t demand the staff begin this process they will huddle around each other and talk. It never fails.  They gravitate to each other because it is comfortable.   They’ll stand around and talk if you let ‘em. 

Being a leader is exhausting. Leadership requires pushing people outside of their comfort zone.  Frequently, leaders are demanding more: “one more rep,” “do it again,” “you can give more,” etc.

For me, the hardest thing about leading is resisting the urge to look the other way and accept mediocrity. “Aw…it’s o.k. if the coaches talk during the dynamic warm-up.  It’s not that important.” Hogwash! If I see the coaches standing around talking during camp I have to address it.  It stinks, but it has to be done.

Final Thought

Yes, kids have changed and new employees are different.  It’s time to get over it.  What an opportunity!  While others complain about the situation we can focus on solutions.  It’s on us as leaders to set the pace and drive the organization forward.  Remember, “they’ll walk if you let ‘em.”

Set the pace,

Coach Deegan

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Are You a Critic or a Performer?

“We have two options: We can be critics or we can be performers.  But, we can’t be both.” – Author and Public Speaker, Michael Port

I used to be a critic.  Of course, I wouldn’t have labeled myself judgmental.  I would have said I was being observant or learning from the mistakes of others.  Really, I was a critic and not a performer.

For years, I wanted to write and share ideas with the world.  I feared what the reaction would be.  “Instead of writing, you should spend more time on your baseball team?”  “Who does this guy think he is?”  “He’s really not that great of a writer.”  I blamed it on the fear of outside critics.  In actuality, I was afraid of the biggest critic, myself.

When I made the choice to become a performer several things happened:

  1. I started doing. I wrote.  I made mistakes.  I learned a lot.  I failed.  I succeeded.  Instead of ideas living only in my head, I shared thoughts with the world.
  2. I ceased critiquing others. Instead of being in a judgmental state, I watched other performers with appreciation.  Exposing yourself to the world is difficult; I admired those who had the courage to be vulnerable.
  3. I lessened the critiquing of myself. I’m still my biggest critic.  I have insecurities, however, I’m much more forgiving now.  There’s a typo (big deal), I stumble during a presentation (it’s happens), I mismanage a situation (I’m human.)
  4. I began attracting other performers in my life. Performers will always have critics (more on that in a moment).  However, life’s current has lead me to people who share similar goals and values.
  5. I’ve been presented with awesome life experiences. Performing has led me to some incredible experiences that would have never occurred without being “a performer.”

Inner Space vs. Outer Space:

Most people in athletics know the phrase, “controlling the controllable.”  A baseball player, for example, cannot control the results, but he can control his preparation, his thoughts, actions and behaviors.  Athletes get in big trouble when they begin focusing on things that are not in their control: the weather, the coach’s opinions, the fans, the reporters…..the list goes on and on.

As performers, it is critical we focus our attention on our inner space and not our outer space.  For me, I have to trust the process of writing and being authentic.  I’ve learned I am at my best when I write from the heart.  If I focus on what others may like, or not like (outer space), the article is not as powerful.  Once the words are on paper, I have to possess the courage to hit send.  That’s it- I can’t control anything else.

Short Story:

Recently, I had someone tell me another baseball coach was ribbing me for writing.  “He’s telling everyone how to live.  Who does he think he is?”

Hearing those comments really hurt.  I let outer space effect my inner space.  The person’s remarks were my biggest fear; I never want to come off as a “know it all.”  In fact, the reason I began writing was for clarity in my own life.  Hearing the criticism left me dejected.  The comments, coupled with some other struggles, led me to having a conversation with my wife, Lowrie.  In a moment of weakness, I questioned whether to take a break.  As a baseball coach, I have plenty of critics.  Why expose myself to more?  What about our kids?  Is it fair to have them judged more closely because of what I write and do for a living?

It’s amazing how life works.  This past week, two people who I really admire but have never met, reached out to me.  They were impressed I had the courage to share my thoughts.  In fact, they were struggling with some of the same issues and my articles helped bring them some clarity.  These two men were performers, not critics.  They are the type of people I want to be aligned with.  These positive interactions put things in perspective.  It also was a critical reminder that it is impossible to please everyone and critics are a part of life for the performer.

Final Thoughts:

Are you a critic or a performer?  If you are hesitating to pursue something in your heart my guess is you are too critical.  Being critical can prevent you from taking risk because of fear of being judged.

Join me this week in pursuing life as a performer.  While it’s not easy, many of life’s rewards are found on the other side of fear.  When we choose to focus on our inner space, and not our outer space, we are freed to make bolder decisions.

Choosing to live as a performer will increase our critics (for proof, get on a message board of any major college football program).  The world needs critics too.  However, I believe God’s plan for me is to “be in the arena” not sitting on the sidelines.  I encourage you to join me in the game!

 

Make it a great week,

Mike

Questions for this week:

What are inner space behaviors in your profession?  What are the outer-space behaviors?

Do you find yourself frequently critiquing others?

What is one action you can take this week to become a performer?

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