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Leadership Can Be Lonely

We had two big bounce back wins yesterday. While I am proud of the way our team responded, I still had a restless night of sleep.  Here’s what was on my mind:

  • Sadness for the players who didn’t travel.
  • Disappointment for letting my ego get the best of me (from the disappointing losses).
  • Guilt for being gone all weekend. 
  • Second guessing myself for various reasons. 

I could go on and on, but I believe you get the point. 

Leadership can be lonely.  To help myself cope, I used a simple strategy that you may find useful.  I began talking to myself as if I were giving advice to a friend. 

  • “Michael, you are doing the best you can.”
  • “Michael, if you did something wrong, go apologize.”
  • “Michael, I know where your heart is.  We all make mistakes.”
  • “Michael, come here.  Let me give you a hug.” 

Have you noticed that we speak to ourselves completely different than we speak to our close friends?  We would never shame someone we love for a mistake; however, we quickly ridicule ourselves. 

This week, practice self-care.  Do something you love to do even if your schedule won’t allow it. When you make a mistake (which you will) give yourself a break- you’re human and being a human is messy. 

Please do me two favors:

  1. Give yourself the same grace you give to others.
  2. Check in on someone who is in a leadership position.  Chances are they need your support. 

Take care of yourself.

Mike

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Finding Your Sweet Spot

Professional baseball players use wood bats typically 33-35 inches long. Wood bats have a “sweet spot” or “sweet zone” about 2 inches wide on the barrel. If contact is not made on the sweet spot a rattle is felt that stings the hands. However, when contact is made on the sweet spot, the hitter feels nothing. The ball zooms off the bat.  If you were to check the wood bat of a professional hitter, the majority of ball marks are right around the sweet spot. On the contrary, if you examined an amateurs lumber, you would witness marks spread throughout. Pro hitters work in the zone that feels the best and produces the best results. 
Just like a wooden baseball bat, our lives have a sweet spot. The more we can work in the zone that is effortless and produces elite results the more positive the experience. Here are three ways to tell if we are working in our sweet zone:  

Working in the Sweet Spot

  1. Hours Do Not Matter. When I meet a young coach I listen in for how they describe their experience. If they complain about the hours I know they are not working in their sweet spot. If we are in the sweet zone the struggle will actually be to stop working. We can’t get enough of it. 
  2. Feels Easy or Natural. In order to become great, long hours and sacrifice are necessary. Those hours go by much quicker when we have an aptitude for the task. We are more likely to reach a flow state when operating on things that feel natural. 
  3. We’ll Want to Share. When we love what we are working on we want to share it. We find ourselves talking to anyone who is even slightly interested in the topic. The eyes light up and the energy level is heightened when the subject is broached. It takes an intentional focus to avoid overwhelming others with our passion. 

A Word of Caution:

When a hitter makes contact with the ball away from the sweet spot it rattles and even stings at times. It’s impossible to always hit the ball right on the screws. The same thing holds true for work and life: we won’t always be in our sweet zone – sometimes life rattles and stings. That is perfectly normal. I see a lot of people, especially new workers, who are frustrated because they don’t love what they do. They become discouraged or even quit because they aren’t “passionate” about their work. 
If you are not working in your sweet spot it’s ok. Over time, the goal should be to identify your purpose and focus on working in that space as frequently as possible. It takes repetitions and life experience to earn the self-awareness necessary to thrive.  

Final Thoughts:If you are living your purpose and operating in your sweet spot, I believe you have two major responsibilities:

  1. Be a Champion for Another Person. If you are blessed with the ability to work in the zone, you develop the capacity to identify others potential. You’ll witness others purpose before it becomes clear to them. Your responsibility is to speak greatness into them and encourage their pursuits. Everyone needs a champion in life. You can be that for someone. 
  2. Share Your Gift with the World.  There comes a point when you are aware of your purpose. It’s much easier to keep your gift internal. When you share you become vulnerable; criticism and judgment follow. You have to possess the courage to do it anyway. 

Make a difference this week, 

Mike 

Fun Activity:

To find the sweet spot in a wood bat, hold the bat hanging down. Grab the bat just below the knob with the pressure in your thumb and index finger. Have someone tap the bat with a hammer starting at the fat end of the bat. Move your hammer strikes up and down the bat. You will feel a vibration in your fingers until you find the sweet spot. Also, the sound is different.  Try it out and let me know how it goes! 

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Tough Decisions, Silk Pajamas, and Doing Hard Things

Good Monday morning!  I have three short shares this week.  If you have the opportunity, send me a quick note and let me know how you are doing.    

To Suspend or Not Suspend:

Former teammates and Tampa Bay Buccaneers greats John Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Warren Sapp joined the Rich Eisen Show for a fun conversation.  Lynch opens up describing a time Sapp, was “acting up a little.”  This type of behavior didn’t sound uncommon from Sapp.  Most of the time, Lynch and other leaders could reign him in.  This time, they couldn’t reach him.  Not knowing what to do, Lynch and Brooks sought the counsel of their respected coach, Tony Dungy.

“Coach, we can’t do anything.  He’s acting up and we think you have to sit him” Lynch suggested to Dungy. 

Lynch says that Dungy looked at him and Brooks and calmly said: “In my mind, you are both Hall of Famers (referring to Lynch and Brooks).  But….John, I can play without you.  Derrick, I can play without you.  We can’t play without 99 (Sapp’s jersey number.)  Now way, no way we are playing without 99. So you best figure it out.”

Lynch then says he and Derrick walked out defeated and thought, “Whelp…we better figure this thing out.”    

I love this story for two reasons.  First, every leader I know has encountered a high-performer who’s disrupting the team culture. Other members are frustrated and they want to see the star disciplined.  I love Dungy’s brutally honest answer. I also admire the anguish Brooks and Lynch experienced as they tried to reach Sapp. 

The other reason my soul was warmed was watching three former teammates, all from different backgrounds, laugh and smile together.  It’s sports at its best. You can feel the bond. You can feel the love. 

Learning from a Legend:

“Marvelous” Marvin Hagler passed away this week.  Growing up, my father was a big boxing fan and Hagler was one of his favorites.  His low-frills style and toughness were admirable.  If you haven’t seen his epic first round battle with Thomas “Hit-Man” Hearns check it out below. 

My favorite Hagler quote: “It’s hard to get up at 5am to do road work when you’re sleeping in silk pajamas.”

Twitter/Podcast Recommendation:

I’ve long been a fan of the Finding Mastery Podcast hosted by Mike Gervais.  I also enjoy following him on Twitter.  This week, he posted a video with this quote: “The most powerful statement you can say to yourself: ‘I can do hard things’.” 

This week: have a difficult conversation, wear uncomfortable pajamas, and remind yourself that you can do hard things!

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A Willingness to Share

I heard an uplifting story this spring. The setting was a major league baseball training facility. A young prospect was in big league camp vying for a roster spot. This player is talented and thought to be the centerfielder of the future. The team had a veteran in that position who was expected to be the starter when camp broke. Those closest to the situation believed it was a matter of time before he would be replaced by the young kid. 
 
One day the young player showed up in a brand new, expensive suit. A late round draft pick, he was not a player who made big money. Someone noticed his fresh look and said, “You haven’t made the club yet. Isn’t it a little soon to be buying expensive suits?”  The young man responded, “Billy bought it for me.” 
 
Billy was the veteran he was competing with.   
 
You’re not going to start by pulling a fast one
One of the toughest things for many athletes is their obsession with playing time. It’s tough to be a junior or senior and embrace a first-year athlete. Players with an average mindset see them as a threat. They’ll withhold information and try to make the new players transition difficult. 
 
Great teammates are not this way. Confident in their ability and preparation, they are quick to lend support and share knowledge. Young, talented players are vital to a program’s success; veterans know this. They will do everything they can to help the new members feel welcomed. 
 
If the culture has been properly developed, it is clear that withholding information is not the path to more minutes. Keeping trade secrets will not improve their situation- the other members see right through it. 
 
A starting role won’t be earned by pulling a fast one.
 
Job Security
Unfortunately, this type of behavior is present in the “real world.” Many years ago I was partnered with a veteran employee. In the business for years, he accumulated a wealth of knowledge; however, he rarely shared information. In fact, when I would ask him questions he would say, “I’m not telling you. This knowledge is job security.”
 
As I listen in to friends in education, business and other sectors it’s amazing how prevalent this behavior is. In athletics, it’s the belief that making it difficult for the younger player will help their status. In business, the thought is the new employee is trying to steal their job- not sharing trade secrets will increase their value.
 
 
Covering your Homework
Remember in high school when you couldn’t figure out a homework problem and you needed help? There was always the one person who had their head, arms and whole body trying to cover their precious work. No way would they let you see the answer. They knew how to do it and you didn’t.  If they shared their work it wouldn’t make them seem as smart.
 
On the other hand, there was the wicked smart person who was willing to share and help in any way possible. Confident in their self-worth, they liked seeing you succeed. There was an aura about them- your success didn’t diminish their value.  In fact, it only enhanced their reputation as being smart, kind and a great classmate. 
 
The person who shares is likely on to the next skill or competency. By the time others figure out how to master the shared information, the true expert is off to a new endeavor.
 
Conclusion:
Don’t be someone who covers their homework. Better yet, work to create a culture where sharing homework is required.
 
High performance environments demand the free flowing sharing of knowledge. It’s possible to “pull a fast one” for a little while hoarding information, but overtime this behavior gets exposed. 
 
I want to be a part of teams where no one cares who gets the credit. The team is curious and collaborative. Everyone is striving together.
 
Can you buy a junior team member on your team a new suit this week?

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Staying Ready, Thinking Upstream and Toxic Positivity

Good Morning! My goal is provide value every Monday morning. As many of you know, the spring is my busy season. With that in mind, I’d like to share with you some quick hitters around things I’m reading, watching, or listening to. When things slow down, I’ll get back to the longer formed articles.
While busy, I still love hearing from you. So, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
Here we go!

Stay Ready
I recently watched an MLB Network interview with former big leaguer, Charlie Hayes. Hayes spent 14 years in the show. Long time baseball fans will remember him catching the final out of the 1996 World Series.

“I wasn’t starting and I kinda took it the wrong way. It hit me that guys on the team had accomplished way more than I had in this game, and they had bought in to what Mr. Torre was saying. From that day forward I took baseball very differently. I cherished every day. I worked hard. It made my job easier when I cheered for everybody else because it made me forget my shortcomings. I teach that to the kids. Everybody knows me for catching the foul ball, but I didn’t start the game (he replaced Wade Boggs in the 7th inning). You have to stay prepared and you’ll be ready when that situation comes.”

After hearing Charlie’s interview I was reminded how an unchecked ego can be damaging. Even great people (Hayes seems like an awesome person) get selfish at times. When we lean into serving others, happiness and positive experiences typically follow.
My biggest takeaway, and the one I hope you embrace as well, is to stay ready. We never know when our number will be called.

Think Upstream
I’m finishing up, Upstream-The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen, by Dan Heath. My big takeaways:

  • While hard to quantify, problem prevention is better than problem fixing. So, how can we detect problems before they occur?
  • “There’s no doubt that our noble efforts to make the world better can very easily make the world worse.”

Please consider how “noble effort” can be harmful in parenting, teaching, and leading.
When trying to improve a situation, it’s a must to consider the unintentional consequences.

Toxic Positivity
A follow that I love on Twitter is Susan David. She introduced me to a phrase, “toxic positivity.” Here’s one of her tweets that has me thinking:

“False positivity should never be used at the expense of reality. Leaders need to face others- and the situation- with candor, compassion, and courage.”

As leaders, we must be careful saying, “you need to be thankful” or “stay positive.” Sometimes we need to recognize times are tough and acknowledge other’s frustrations.

That’s not being negative.

That’s being real.

To learn more about Susan watch her Ted Talk: The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage or listen to her conversation with Brene Brown: Dangers of Toxic Positivity.

See you next Monday!

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Some Thoughts on Recruiting, Hiring, and Job Searching

Recruiting is the life blood of college athletics. Effective hiring is the equivalent to recruiting in business.  And, happiness and fulfillment are directly related to the relationships we develop over our lifetime.    

Who we surround ourselves with is mission critical. We must be intentional about the teams we build and join. This requires doing a deep dive into understanding who we are as individuals and as an organization. 

Recruiting and Hiring:
When looking to add members to a team, the majority of people seek individuals for what they do; a need that can be filled.  For example:

  1. Sports: Recruiting for a particular skill set.  “We need a catcher, outfielder, middle infielder, and two pitchers.” Coaches then search for student-athletes that fit the profile.
  2. Business: The job ad focuses on what competency they desire.  “We are looking for an accountant, machinist, or business analyst.”  The organization hopes their search produces candidates that can meet the companies immediate need. 
  3. Friends: People seek out others who have similar interests: sports, music, art or those who have the ability to increase their social status. 

I believe it is more effective to approach team formation in a different manner.  Consider the following questions:

  1. Sports: Does the student-athlete align with the core principles of the program? How’s their competitive spirit?  Have they demonstrated the ability to persevere and overcome obstacles?
  2. Business: Are they a cultural fit? How’s their emotional intelligence? What’s their relationship with growth and development?  Can they work in a team?
  3. Friends: Do the core values align? Can they live authentically?

A Lesson from Coach Schembechler:
“Well, if you really want a guy and don’t get him that’s ok. He’ll only beat you once a year.  On the other hand, if you get the wrong guy on your team he’ll beat you every day.”  Bo Schembechler. 

Over my career, the majority of our recruiting mistakes have been when we rushed.  We made a decision on the premise that the person could fill an immediate void.  That approach rarely works. 

There’s nothing more important than getting the right team members on board.  Doing the self-reflective work on the front end, ensures less headaches (and less money spent) in the long-run.  Making decisions on fit and feel instead of a particular skill set is more effective. 

Searching and Aligning:
The chances of living a fulfilled life are enhanced if we join tremendous teams. This starts with being an agent of our own life. We often fail to perform the hard work necessary to understand ourselves. Our values are blurry.  Because of this, we search for opportunities with external validations.  For example, in the world that I’m involved with most, athletics, kids frequently say they are looking for:

  1. Immediate playing time
  2. Division 1 level
  3. Fancy facilities
  4. Swag- sweet uniforms and gear.

I’m not judging those wishes, but they are typically societal answers- they aren’t what the student-athlete needs to have an enjoyable experience.

I  suggest:

  1. Examining the school’s culture.
  2. The leadership of the program.
  3. If there is alignment throughout the team (coaches, players, student managers, etc.)

This same logic follows in job searches.  The focus is on the salary and title.  I suggest examining the organizational culture, your boss, and growth possibilities. 

Instead of seeking a set of physical characteristics (hair, eye color, height) in a partner be more invested in knowing the things you value. 

I’ve seen many student-athletes super excited because they made a college decision and a few years later they are miserable.  They made the decision without careful reflection and settled for other’s dreams. 

I’ve seen people pumped for their new, well-paying job soon be disenchanted because they can’t stand the organizational values. 

The life-hack is to do the work upfront.  We should know our values and look to align with others who are on a similar path. 

Final Thought:
How intentional are you about your recruiting/hiring process?  Can you demonstrate the courage to stand out from others in your industry and do things differently?  Are you willing to take a short-term loss for long-term advantage?  Remember Coach Bo: losing out is tough but the wrong selection can be disastrous. 

When looking for your next opportunity, are you willing to invest in understanding what you value?  Are there relationships you can cultivate for future opportunities?  Are you willing to take less salary for higher growth opportunities? 

There is nothing more important than the teams we join and develop. Most people rely on luck.  Our mission is to be intentional about the teams we build and the forces we join. Our happiness depends upon it. 

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How to Take a Chewing

Do you know a powerful way to standout? Be an All-American at taking a butt chewing.  (Credit to Alabama softball coach, Pat Murphy for the phrase). 
 
There comes a time in every competitive athlete’s life where he or she takes a chewing.  Please pause for a moment and consider a time where you felt the wrath of a coach, boss, or parent.  I’m sure you have a moment you can vividly recall. 
 
The vast majority don’t respond well to this situation.  They pout, shrink away, or talk back.  They use phrases like, “he called me out in front of everyone.”  Selfish pride gets in the way.  Folks often go to great lengths to defend their honor. 
 
Being an All-American at taking a chewing is powerful in several ways.

  • It can change your life: Murph said it best, “30 seconds of uncomfortableness can change your life.” If you listen to the message and not the tone, you can use this as a learning opportunity.  The coach/boss/parent is spirited for a reason.  Listen.
  • You model toughness: By maintaining your poise, eye contact and body language you are demonstrating toughness under pressure.  Your peers and boss will look up to you.
  • Sets a great example: There are accounts of Bill Belichick being relentless on Tom Brady; of Greg Popovich coaching Tim Duncan hard.  Other team members get the message that if the star on the team can take harsh criticism so should I. 

 What do you say after taking a butt chewing?  You maintain eye contact and say “Yes Coach. Period. 
 
Parents:
I strongly encourage you to support the coach or teacher who gives your child tough love.  It’s coming at some point in their life.  Why not learn at a young age how to respond properly to criticism.  All-Americans are consistent.  It doesn’t just happen once. There will be several occasions where your child will wear one.  It won’t break them unless you decide to make it a big deal. 
 
Student-Athletes:
It’s true, most of you will go pro in something other than sports.  A big advantage you’ll have is the ability to accept brutally honest feedback.  In business, there isn’t time to massage the message.  Someday, your boss will tell you your work is crap. You can draw on your experience as an All-American at taking a butt chewing to accept the feedback, make the adjustments, and move on. 
 
Quick Story:
Two years ago we were playing in the biggest game in our program’s history.  We found ourselves down 9-0 after 4 innings and it was a circus.  On one particular play, one of our top players and leaders, failed to back up a base.  There was an over throw and he was just standing in no-mans land.  In between innings I lost it on him.  He looked at me and said, “You are right, Coach.” 
 
What could I say to that?  It diffused the situation completely. 
 
This wasn’t my proudest moment.  My ego was bruised.  We were laying an egg in a big game.  When I saw our player not backing up I lost it. 
 
This story has a happy ending.  That same player hit a home run later in the game.  In addition, we ended up winning 12-10 in extra innings.  More importantly, this former player and I are still very close.  I think the world of him.
 
I know this, we don’t win the game if he pouts, argues or chooses to make a scene in the dugout.  He earned his All-American butt chewing award that day. 
 
Final Thought:
Of course, this discussion is centered around sports and kids.  However, in your line of work can you do a better job of accepting criticism?  Can you model to others in your organization how to take a kicking and keep on ticking? 
 
We are never above a good butt chewing.  Let’s be a positive example for others on how to take criticism. 

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