Michael’s Home! An Unspoken Tip From My Late Father

I recently watched ESPN anchor, Scott Van Pelt, do an amazing tribute to his father. Scott’s dad passed away in 1988; 31 years later he still feels the pain.  SVP inspired me to share a brief story about my father.  

My dad passed away over 10 years ago in 2008.  He never met our four children; however, he impacts the way I approach parenting.  

I’ve shared this before, we were a sports family and dad was a sports guy: baseball, boxing, hockey and horse racing were his favorites.  We weren’t the overly “lovey” family but you could always feel the love (if that makes any sense).  What I remember most about my dad was that every time I walked in the door after I left for college, and any time after, was his reaction.  He’d yell to my mom, “Mollie, Michael’s home!”

The genuine excitement in his voice still gets me in my feelings.  He’d typically start looking for his note pad where he had written down things he wanted to tell me.  These things ranged from a harness horse driver getting their 1,000th win to some antidotal sport’s story.  

There was no judgment just pure joy to see me.  

A Thought for Parents:
There’s a lot of pressure, often self-induced, to provide a perfect childhood for our children.  Are we providing enough resources to help the kids “reach their dreams?” Are we providing too much and making them soft and entitled? Should we create challenging experiences to make them “tough?”  “Are we saving enough for college?”

After much reflection, I’m not sure any of that matters.  I really believe those things will sort themselves out.  What I do know is that any of my dad’s flaws were washed away because I knew how special I was to him.  Instead of agonizing over how we are doing as parents, maybe it’s just as simple as making sure our kids know we love them.  

Final Thought:
As I move into the most demanding time of year, I always struggle with not being around as much as I would like. Believe me, I’m not complaining, there are folks who have it much worse.  What I will do is make the most of the time with my kids by displaying excitement every time I come home.  My dad did it for me.  It’s my job to do it for them.  

Do you know what I’m most thankful for?  Is it some trip we took together?  Is it a monetary gift he gave me?  No.  

What I’m most thankful for, and what I miss the most, is feeling his genuine excitement when I walked through the door.  

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A Unified Front


My memory stinks.  I do, however,  have a few vivid memories that I’ll never forget.  My first pregame coaching staff meeting comes to mind.
 
I walked into this meeting completely unprepared.  Just three years removed from college, I was still a player at heart. I thought, “how hard could this be?”
 
Brian Brewer, who was in his first year as a head coach, immediately took control.  “Deegan, give me your lineup.”  I stuttered and stammered giving my unconvincing opinion.  The other coaches in the room followed with their thoughts.  When I was asked to explain my thoughts, I had nothing of substance to add. 
 
That day, I learned how much time, energy, and thought went into the decisions.  We analyzed everything: from weather to the opponent.  We knew the starters, long relief and short relief if we were ahead vs. behind, pinch runners, right hand/left hand pinch hitters.  We discussed the pre and post-game meals, pregame routine… nothing was left to chance.  Voices would be raised and sometimes feelings were hurt.  We all shared a common goal, which was to give the team the best chance of success. Fighting was encouraged behind closed doors, but we were to leave as a unified front.
 
What I learned:How much time and energy goes into making decisions. The importance of being thoroughly prepared.Displaying the courage to fight for your beliefs.The importance in diversity of thought (Brew would shout, “I don’t want a bunch of ‘yes men”). To avoid taking things personally.When a decision was made, even if you disagreed, you did everything in your power to support it and help make it work. A decision is good based upon the process not the result. You take all the information, decide, and then whatever happens, happens. 

Perhaps the greatest long-term lesson was learning how much goes into a decision. I’m much more supportive of decision makers because of the experience. 
 
Times are tough. I’m observing as we try to reopen the country, restart schools and universities, and begin playing professional sports. I’ve witnessed a lot of emotion and anger over what should be done. 
 
I’ve leaned into my experience in sports to help myself during this time.  I can only imagine the amount of information that is being analyzed behind closed doors.  I can only imagine the arguments taking place in order to work toward solutions.  I can only imagine the stress and struggle of individuals and their families as decisions are made that affect so many. 
 
My Personal Rules:I assume positive intent from the groups and individuals making decisions.If a decision is critical to myself or family I try to get in the room.If I cannot get in the room, I try to have a conversation with someone who can influence. Once a decision is made, even if I don’t like it, I will support it unless it breaks a core value of mine.If a core value is broken, I won’t complain- I will take action.  

Final Thoughts: 
Coaching meetings changed how I view the world.  Now, I rarely second guess people and organizations who are working tirelessly to do what they believe is best. 
 
I am rooting for the world, our country, and our communities.  I am praying and thinking about the decision makers in political office, business, school and professional sport. 
 
I refuse to play Monday morning quarterback and second guess every decision.  I refuse to act like I know the correct answer when I lack accurate information.  I refuse to shame people who have different views. 
 
Please join me in supporting our decision makers.  Challenging times lie ahead.  Let’s resolve to do everything in our power to make this situation better.  Like coaches leaving a meeting room, we need a unified front. 
 
Negativity is in abundance.  What stops us from being an encouraging presence in our communities? 
 
Clouds are all around, rays of sunlight are needed. 
 
Mike
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Don’t Let Work Be Your Identity

I wanted to share two videos that that have impacted me greatly. Both short clips center around the idea that we can’t let what we do for a living be our identity. The first video is a heartwarming story about a nine year-old boy’s letter to Baltimore Orioles player, Chris Davis. Davis was marred in the worst slump in MLB history (0-54) when the boy wrote, “the way you play baseball has nothing to do with how good of a person you are.”  

The second video is from a press conference of the late transformational coach, Tony Robichaux. Coach Robichaux recently passed away. I’ve wanted to write about Coach for several weeks now but my words can’t do him justice. This presser was following a lopsided loss. Instead of focusing on the “embarrassment of losing,” Coach was more concerned the student athlete’s didn’t allow baseball to be their identity.   

This Week’s Challenge: Have you allowed your identity to be attached to your work? I know I am guilty of this. This week, I encourage you to work hard and pursue greatness in your field. However, I also encourage you to stay grounded and remember to not allow your identity to be defined by what you do. 

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