Strong Voice/Weak Voice: We Have a Choice

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear”


Recently, I was in pursuit of a theme/message to share with our team. The idea of positive self-talk appeared in multiple ways.  Here are three short examples:
Example 1: Novak Djokovic after his French Open victory over Rafael Nadal“There’s always two voices inside: There is one telling you that you can’t do it, that it’s done, it’s finished. That voice was pretty strong after the second set,” Djokovic said. So I felt that that was a time for me to actually vocalize the other voice and try to suppress the first one that was saying I can’t make it. I told myself I can do it. Encouraged myself. I strongly started to repeat that inside of my mind, tried to live it with my entire being.”
As fans, we often see legends as super human. Djokovic’s vulnerability showed us even the best have moments of doubt.


Example 2: Sue Enquist on the 1% Better PodcastCoach Enquist won 11 (that’s right, 11) national championships at UCLA. During the interview, Sue discussed the pressure her teams faced. If they didn’t win the national championship the outside world viewed them as failures. In this interview, Sue articulates how we all have two voices: strong voice (I think I can) and weak voice (I’m not worthy). Before we perform, it’s critical the last instructions, however, come from strong voice. (Note: This entire episode is incredible for anyone who has young athletes. The voice rift begins around the 46 minute mark).


Example 3: Jon Gordon on the Reinvention ProjectJon Gordon reaffirmed and expanded upon the idea of self-talk. Gordon says he’s learned to “talk to myself instead of listen to myself.” When working with professional athletes he reminds them that they don’t choose their negative thoughts; instead, these thoughts are part of being human. This frees the athlete from shaming themselves for experiencing weak thoughts. Gordon says we all should, “Speak truth and walk in the power and confidence.”


Action StepThis week, join me in accepting that we possess both a strong and a weak voice. First, let’s stop demeaning ourselves for having negative thoughts. Elite performers experience limiting thoughts and beliefs as well. Second, let’s choose to empower the strong voice. It’s important to remember before we execute the last voice must be powerful and confident. 


To put this into practice, be mindful during exercise where voices are often active. Pay attention to weak voice whispering, “this is awful. I should stop now.” Choose to confront those lies by replacing it with strong voice, “I’m a beast. Keep pushing. I got this.” 


Final Thought:

In the upcoming month, I have a few exciting but challenging opportunities. To be honest, I still struggle with imposter syndrome; I question whether I belong in certain spaces. I thought as I became older, these thoughts would diminish. They haven’t. I still get nervous and have moments of doubt. 

You are not alone if you experience shyness, nervousness, or fear. These emotions are natural. It’s ok. 

I refuse to let my weak voice rob me of opportunities. Repeat after me:

I’ve earned this.

I belong.

I add value.

I am worthy.

Mike
Below is a video following game one of our regional tournament. Listen to our sophomore pitcher describe how he leaned into his strong voice during a jam. (Go to the 3:30 mark) 

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Eventually I Will be Fired and I’m O.K. with It
 
I’ve come to grips with the fact that at some point in my professional career I’ll either be fired or forced to resign. It is a freeing feeling to come to this conclusion and accept it.  Please let me explain. In the coaching profession, there are a plethora of reasons to be fired: win/loss record, the behavior of your athletes, player accusations, parent accusations, not recruiting enough, over-recruiting and the list goes on.  At the higher levels ticket sales and other “business decisions” come into the fold. In addition, there are “hot button” topics that can lead to a coach’s termination.A strategy many adopt in order to preserve their livelihood is to avoid taking risks.  I know leaders who have completely changed their approach to not “rock the boat.”  While change and evolving as a leader is admirable, it can be devastating if it leads to a loss of personality in attempt to please everyone. I’ve been guilty of this.    

Another strategy is to avoid confrontation at all cost.  This approach calls for the leader to drop the standards, including not holding people accountable.  Accountability can make people uncomfortable and when people are uncomfortable they can become upset. This can lead to accusations and confrontation.  Unfortunately, many leaders believe it is just easier to “look the other way” than to fight for the standards. 

Have you ever been fired or forced to resign? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt you may be fired?  Here are three things to consider:

1.     You are in good company: The list of elite coaches and leaders who have been let go is impressive: Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Jerry Seinfeld, J.K. Rowling, and Bill Belichick just to name a few.  One of my favorite firings was Walt Disney for “lacking imagination.” Clearly, being let go isn’t a death sentence. You can bounce back.

2.     “Next Play” focus: In sports, you must learn that the previous play or game is in the past.  You can’t do anything about it, the focus must be on the next play. After facing a set-back professionally, the same approach is necessary.  Learning from the past is important; however, staying stuck in the past could lead to terminal issues. It’s time to start thinking, “What’s next?”

3.     Could this be positive?  Change is hard. Most people will not change unless they are forced. The fear of the unknown is debilitating.  Being terminated forces change that otherwise would not occur.  If we put aside our bruised ego, this could be the opportunity that leads us to starting that new business or working for a company we always admired. 

Final Thoughts:

The discussion of being fired comes with a scarlet letter.  I believe many people suffer in silence thinking they are the only ones going through difficult patches. No one is going to post on Facebook, “Met with my boss today. I have this Quarter to improve or I’m done.”  We think we are alone and that just isn’t the case. 

The world needs strong leaders who have standards and values.  If we have the courage to lead issues will develop. I’ve made a choice that I am going to be true to myself as a leader.  That means accusations and confrontation will likely follow. Unfortunately, this may put me and my family in tough situations.  I’ll focus on the next play and respond in a positive manner. I refuse to live in fear and I am not willing to comprise my standards.   
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“Crossed Off My List” Understanding Monsters and Angels

My thoughts are cluttered from a trend on Twitter.  Coaches are getting tons of likes and retweets by bashing kids’ behaviors.  “Crossing kids off the list” has been the go-to phrase.

Had to cross a player off my list.  He slammed his helmet after he struck out.  I don’t want him in my program. 

Saw a parent hand their kid a Gatorade.  I want kids who drink from a garden hose. Crossed off my list.

Watched a team leave their dugout a mess.  No respect.  I won’t be recruiting any of their players.  They have been crossed off my list. 

It’s just social media, why are these posts bothering me?  Isn’t slamming a helmet wrong? Don’t I believe that parents shouldn’t coddle their kids?  Is it not common courtesy to leave a dugout in great condition?  Where is my frustration coming from? 

I’m not sure I possess the language to describe my feelings……here goes nothing. 

Why I Interact with the World the Way I Do:

I feel fortunate. I’m from a middle class family; however, I was exposed to things many of my peers were not. For example, I’m lucky to have spent meaningful time with leaders of industry: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, and owners of businesses. Conversely, I  also know people from poor social and economic conditions.  Through sports, I’ve been able to forge relationships with people society labels poorly; some who have been, or later would become, incarcerated.

The wealthy are often stereotyped as privileged, pompous, and greedy.  I can confidently report, this is not a fact.  Some of the most caring people I know are influential leaders.  On the other hand, I’ve also met powerful people who are narcissistic jerks. 

Would you believe I’ve met drug dealers who are caring, kind, and smart? I have, and I admire things about them.  Also, I’ve met lower-economic people who have treated me poorly. 

I’ve learned color of skin, socioeconomic status, and job title do not determine one’s spirit.  I’ve also learned a snapshot interaction is a poor way to judge character. 

Being Part of the Solution:

“Monsters will always exist.  There’s one inside each of us.  But an angel lives there, too.  There is no more important agenda than figuring out how to slay one and nurture the other”- Jacqueline Novogratz on the Tim Ferris Show (Episode 512).

I refuse to believe people, businesses, or systems are all evil or all good.  I don’t believe one incident, one interaction, or one social media post accurately portrays character. 

Today, I challenge you to move toward a place of reflection and empathy.  You are an influencer and have the ability to create change. 

While Twitter may not impact your life, please consider the following:

  • Not judging someone because they don’t return their shopping cart.  
  • Not labeling someone because they drive an expensive car.
  • Not getting emotionally heightened over the news.

Can you be vulnerable and admit you are equipped with both monsters and angels?

Back to Baseball

Is slamming a helmet wrong? Yes. It shouldn’t happen.  But… what if that kid is experiencing something terrible at home? What if years of frustration exploded in a moment?  Is that a life-sentence or a teaching opportunity?

Should kids be responsible for handling hydration needs? Probably.  But….what if she comes from a split family and her dad is attending his first game. Dad wants to find a way to connect and offers a drink.  Is that the worst thing? 

Dugouts- it’s a bad look to not clean your mess, but maybe they haven’t learned this lesson yet.  A conversation can fix this problem. 

Final Thoughts:

Many of the best players I’ve coached have arrived with a checkered past. For various reasons, they were young men who could haven been “crossed off the list.”  They became great players and teammates.  More importantly, over time, their true character was revealed. 

I’ve witnessed beauty in unlikely places. I’m sure you have as well. 

Why am I passionate about this subject and what can you take away? 

  1. Avoid judging. Being judgmental leads to missing out on knowing and working with amazing people.
  2. Get curious. Working to understand other’s prisms is more effective than writing someone off.
  3. Develop empathy.  We must acknowledge monsters reside in all of us…..we are far from perfect.
  4. Have humility. Being thankful we were educated in a particular manner is better than looking down on others.   
  5. Search for teachable moments. Often times “egregious” mistakes (like not using the correct fork) can be fixed with education. 

Before we “cross someone off our list” let’s make sure we really know them. 

Mike

P.S. Here’s a link to the episode 512 of the Tim Ferris Show. From the 50-55 minutes is where they discuss the idea of monsters and angels. Tim Ferris with Jacqueline Novogratz

This is a core coaching philosophy of mine and one I touch on in the course I teach on People Development.

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Embrace all the Emotions

Our baseball season came to an end last week.  We lost the regional final game 2-0 to the #1 team in the country.  One win away from the College World Series….so close but so far away. 

It’s hard to describe the ending of a season.  You are going 1000 miles an hour and then it stops suddenly.  For months, everything else is put on pause.  There is no “work-life balance.”  All your energy is poured into the club.  You realize how everyone around you is affected.  You are aware of the sacrifice the coaches and support staff are making and how their families are impacted.  You do everything you can to keep the season going. 

And then, it’s over. 

You experience a wide-range of emotions.  There’s a sense of pride in accomplishing something special.  There’s sadness realizing the group will never be together again.  You get angry knowing a bounce here or there could have led to a different result.

For me, I struggle knowing I let people down.  So many people sacrificed, gave their all, and we failed to reach the goal.  It’s a lonely feeling. 

Please don’t feel bad.  It’s the gamut of emotions that makes coaching and leading special.   

Mike Gervais: “I Want All The Emotions.”

Dean Karnazes, extreme runner and author, was recently on the Mike Gervais Podcast.  Gervais mentioned that if you were to ask, “what do you want out of life” nine out of ten people would say, “I want to be happy and I want peace and happiness for others.”  Both men, however, completely disagreed with this desire.  Gervais said,  “Not a chance am I interested in that.  I want all the emotions.  I want to experience all of them.” 

A Paradigm Shift

Are you over pursuing happiness for yourself and loved ones?  Are you avoiding or protecting those you love from the other emotions that make the human experience special? 

It has become a common reaction to “feel so bad” for someone who is going through a tough time.  We lend an ear, create a social media post, and talk to our other friends about how we feel so bad for that person.  It’s all with good intentions.  We genuinely do feel bad.  What has happened, however, is a culture where we treat anything negative like it is a fatal event.  In actuality, experiencing a wide range of emotions is the beauty of being a human.

For the Sports Parents

As your child advances, they will experience negative emotions.  The more competitive the situation, the fuller the emotional spectrum becomes.  The likelihood of them experiencing happiness all the time is very slim. 

The natural response is to rush to make them happy again.  Before coming to the rescue, I recommend pausing. Is happiness what they need in this situation? Or, should you encourage them to embrace the other emotions that sports provide? I don’t pretend to know the answer; however, I do believe it is important to consider the scenario instead of defaulting to the easy choice. 

The times of frustration and sadness are where the growth opportunities reside.  It’s also what makes sports great!

Final Thought:

Would I love to be competing for a national championship this week?  Absolutely.  Would I rather experience the joy and happiness of a dogpile rather than consoling seniors who have played their last game? For sure. 

With that being said, I’m incredibly thankful to have a job that allows me to experience such powerful emotions…..all the emotions, not just happiness.  There’s something beautiful about laying it all on the line, even if you come up short.  If you’ve been in that space you know the feeling.

Join me this week in approaching life with gratitude- not just during the positive times, but in the negative moments as well. 

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