A longtime baseball scout was attending a banquet when a baseball lifer approached him. This person played professionally, managed, and dabbled in the front office. Tough and rugged- the man had a reputation as being abrasive, passionate and honest.
On this particular night, the ex-skipper cornered the scout and asked him when his organization was going to draft his son. The scout, who thought his son was a late round draft pick at best, tried dodging the question. “Ah Skip, he’s a nice player. I’m sure someone will pick him up.” To this he replied, “Nice player? He’s the best catcher in the draft. He’s way better than that kid from Vegas.”
That “kid from Vegas” was phenom Bryce Harper.
Dad Goggles:
Dad Goggles- “the tendency to think your child is way better than they really are.”
Being a coach, I get to witness this phenomenon regularly. If I’m watching a high school game a dad will ask, “How hard is he throwing?” After looking at the unbiased radar guy I reply, “76-78 mph.” Dad often chimes in, “no way….he throws harder than that.” Ah…ok.
During the recruiting process dads often rave about their sons work ethic. “He’s the hardest worker.” I know dad googles are at play; if their son is the hardest worker there’s zero reason to say it. That type of behavior is legendary. It will speak for itself.
If you are reading this and you are a father there is a 97% chance you have the goggles. It’s ok. In the majority of cases dad goggles are harmless and even endearing. Just admit you’re nuts when it comes to your kids. Everyone understands. The condition only becomes threatening when you lack self-awareness and begin putting undue pressure on the child.
Dad goggles are fine. My concern is what I have: “Coach Goggles.”
Coach Goggles:
Coach Goggles: “the tendency to judge and pick everything apart. Being overly critical; lacking appreciation.”
My greatest strength is my obsession with continuous improvement. It’s also my greatest weakness. I think I stink at everything. In my mind, I haven’t accomplished anything. It’s a gift and a curse. It motivates me to keep working and growing. However, it can be damaging to happiness and fulfillment. Luckily, I’ve learned to manage this for myself. What I worry about is how it affects my children.
I have witnessed Dad Goggles so many times that I wanted to make sure I never had them. I didn’t want to be the dad bragging and the person listening going, “Oh boy. What is he talking about?”
You mix being a coach, striving for continuous improvement, and my adverse relationship with dad goggles and you have the recipe for a tough childhood for my kids. I rarely give them credit. They play good….I see 10 things they could have done better. Another parent compliments me on their kindness…they are just doing what they are supposed to do.
Coaching goggles are more dangerous than dad goggles.
Conclusion:
If you possess dad goggles you are fine. Just realize your kid isn’t as good as you think they are. The world likely sees them differently than you do. Don’t worry, you are in good company- even Major League baseball royalty owns a pair.
If you are like me and have the coach’s goggles be careful. Our kids don’t need our judgment and insecurities placed on them. It kills confidence. More importantly, it can kill the relationship. We can’t let that happen.
I’m just a small school baseball coach.
It’s scary, I’ve used that sentence on way too many occasions. There have been times where I have said these words to others; however, my most frequent use is through self-talk.
Have you used limiting phrases like this? Have you ever put yourself in a self-imposed box?
Why?
I’ve wrestled with why I, and I suspect many others, minimize their value. I came up with three reasons:
- We pay attention to the noise. There are people who demean what others do. Some faculty members believe competitive athletics are not necessary to a well-rounded education. Some higher level coaches think lower division coaches are not knowledgeable. Some members of the community don’t see coaching as a real job. Somewhere along the line we start believing these “haters” are right.
- We lack conviction and confidence. If you believe in yourself and your process it doesn’t matter what outsiders think. When we say, “I’m just a…” we are hedging. It gives permission to not hold ourselves to the highest standards and put forth our best effort. Why would I compete hard and strive for excellence when “I’m just a …..?”
- We have false humility. When we minimize what we do we feel we are being modest or humble. We can’t mistake meekness with humility.
I hope you understand and embrace that:
- You are not “just an administrative assistant”. You are the front porch of the organization. Your best self can set the climate. The organization and writing skills you possess keep the group churning.
- You are not “just a bench player.” The effort and approach you bring to practice demands everyone grow and improve. Your positive attitude is contagious and inspires the entire team and staff. The team cannot reach its ceiling without you.
- You are not “just a teacher.” You are responsible for the learning, growth and development of our youth. For some kids, you are their source of safety and comfort.
- You are not “just a small business owner.” You are a sign of zest and courage. You provide a product or service that improves the lives of the people within your community.
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to interact with top leaders in various fields. A common thread amongst the people I admire most is they realize the importance of everyone and every profession. They are curious of what others do, they are appreciative of their sacrifices, and they admire driven people who are looking to make a difference. So, while you may say, “I’m just a….” high level people and achievers don’t see it that way!
A Note to Leaders:
This week may be the time to reset your approach. Are you providing the platform for everyone in your organization to utilize their strengths? Have you looked only to the leadership team or “key employees” for new ideas? Do your people feel heard, understood, and appreciated?
Consider how powerful your group can be if everyone believes th have the ability to make an impact. Over 90% of people who read this will say, “yes, our people know they are valued.”
But do they?
Just writing, “thanks for all you do” or “I couldn’t do it without you” isn’t enough. It’s actions and behaviors that matter. What can you do today to inspire someone to share their true thoughts with you?
Final Thought:
I have come to grips that I’m not “just a small school coach.” Developing a culture that strives for excellence creates a learning platform. Life mirrors sports. The gut-wrenching losses and triumphant wins. The feeling of giving all you have and not receiving the outcome you want. The set-backs. Overcoming those setbacks. The difficult and sometimes painful conversations. Being there in times of need. Celebrating great news. Grieving in loss.
“Just a coach” can’t create an experience like this. Playing it safe and bending to society’s pressure to be average is what “just a coach” would do.
That’s not me.
That’s not you.
Make a difference this week,
Mike
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Scott O’Neil is the former CEO of Harris Blitzer Sports Entertainment. He was a guest on Ryan Hawks, The Learning Leader Podcast (episode #419). O’Neil introduced me to an acronym I love: WMI- What’s Most Important.
It’s easy to be distracted: phones, computers, social media, Netflix- just to name a few. Equally challenging are the demands placed on our time: kid’s activities, meetings, connecting with friends, and work tasks. Life comes at us fast and from all different angles.
A competitive advantage is deciding: What’s Most Important (WMI). Identifying your highest leverage opportunities, and then possessing the discipline to invest time on these priorities, is a superpower.
After listening to Ryan and Scott discuss WMI, I took a stab at developing a simple framework for individuals or organizations.
- Ask what’s most important: Before you start the week clarify your priorities. Most of us assume we know the high leverage areas without reflecting.
Goal: Identify three things that are most important.
2. Check Your Calendar: At the end of the week check to see how much time was dedicated to meetings, calls, and on other tasks not related to WMI? O’Neill says the recipe for high performers is to spend 60% of their time on the top three things.
Goal: Organize your calendar like a high performer.
3. Time To Decide: After identifying WMI and auditing your calendar, it’s time to assess your progress. O’Neil says if the two don’t align, “either change what’s most important or change your calendar. We have to be accountable to ourselves.”
Goal: To have the discipline to hold ourselves accountable to WMI.
I know this week’s article seems elementary; however, I’m amazed at how often we spend large amounts of time on non-essential task. We get caught up in the current of life and fail to reflect on our priorities. This is how we stay busy but ineffective.
This week, invest time in prioritization. In addition, maybe the greatest gift a leader can provide is removing the red tape and allowing others to work on WMI. Cancel the Zoom, free up the mundane paperwork, simplify a process- it’s a worthwhile trade-off.
Remember, busy is a choice. Being busy doesn’t drive results; being effective does.
Figure out what’s important and get to work.
On October 29, 2007 I wrote: “I am going to be the head coach of a Division I national championship team by the time I am 43 years old.”
I will turn 43 in September. Mississippi State celebrated the D1 title on Thursday night….this goal is not going to happen.
I began journaling and goal setting in my twenties. My compass was Brian Tracy’s, The Ultimate Goals Program- How to Get Everything You Want. Tracy provided several steps to goal setting including: writing them down, visualizing the goal, and setting deadlines. I was convinced I could accomplish anything.
The Common Answers
As a coach, you are constantly trying to uncover what motivates the athletes. The common answer for most athletes revolve around playing time (“I want to start”) or accolades (“I want to be an All-American”).
For most young coaches, the common goal is similar to mine from 2007. In business, it’s to climb the ladder and be CEO. As an entrepreneur, it’s to be an influencer and make lots of money.
Nearly everyone mentions similar goals. So, why do some people achieve the goal and others fail? Here are three questions to consider:
- Is this what I really want?
The first step is asking, Is this what I REALLY want? Or, am I just seeking external praise and trying to satisfy my ego?
For me, it was all ego driven. I wanted the glamour which accompanies being at the top of your profession. For most college athletes, they want the headlines from high achievement. In business, they want to be seen as the boss or most powerful person in the company.
2. What’s the pathway to reach the goal?
If we can honestly say, “This is what I want,” it’s time to establish a roadmap for success. Success leaves clues, the best way is to observe others who have already achieved the goal. This doesn’t mean we have to take the exact path, but using others as examples can be a cheat code.
I didn’t know the process to becoming a D1 national championship coach. No one in my family coaches, I didn’t play at that level, and I didn’t have a deep relationship with any high performing D1 coaches.
I was simply wishing.
This is where a coach or mentor can make an impact. They cannot do the work for you, they can illuminate the path.
3. What am I willing to sacrifice?
There would have been tremendous sacrifice to achieve my goal. I would have to work numerous camps, change jobs frequently, travel heavily, and upskill in multiple areas (and experience some luck along the way……)
When our players state their goals we ask, how are you going to get there? The majority of kids struggle to articulate a plan. We then make suggestions. “You’ll have to go travel and play in a competitive summer league.” “You’ll need to increase your athleticism.” Then we suggest strategies. They are often shocked to hear goal achievement is unlikely without high-level commitment.
It’s not much different in the business world. You want to be the boss? Well, you’ll have to be working while your buddies go to happy hour. You’ll have to accept roles which are uncomfortable, maybe even be the bearer of bad news. Visiting family and friends will be difficult due to the demands.
As a coach, it’s easy to see what kids are willing to do the required work versus those who are just hoping.
Final Thought:
Coach Lemonis and the Mississippi State Bulldogs ended my chances of accomplishing the goal I wrote down nearly 14 years ago. In reflection, it’s clear- I didn’t really want to be a D1 national championship coach by age 43. I didn’t work to create a pathway, nor was I willing to sacrifice at the required level.
The goal is embarrassing and reeks of entitlement.
Having goals is a great start. However, in order to accomplish the mission, reflection is required, a vision is critical and sacrifice is necessary.
Without those things, it’s simply a wish.
Mike
I’m grappling with the idea of working hard vs. working smart. My current wrestling match began observing how training in sport has dramatically changed. Most of this change has been positive- it’s hard to argue that athletes are not bigger, faster, stronger and more skilled than their counterparts from 20, 50, and 100 years ago.
The sport I’m closest with is baseball. The use of data and technology has exploded. We know much more now about how to effectively and efficiently train baseball athletes. With proper investment and research, coaches and trainers can develop athletes in a smarter way than ever before. In our baseball program, we are training in a completely different manner than we did just a few years ago.
Here’s the kicker, I’m not sure the changes we have made are completely for the better.
Much like politics, extreme views have taken over. For example, most of the sports science proves that running distance isn’t conducive to baseball skill development. There are outspoken experts who will lambast any person or program for ever testing, say a timed mile. Another popular ax to grind is bunting. Statistics (mainly generated from the highest level of baseball) show that bunting isn’t the most effective use of the 27 outs allotted in a game. Once again, there are vocal folks who remind the world of how “dumb” it is to bunt or even to learn to bunt. There are those that will even go to extremes saying that coaches ruin kids careers by bunting instead of swinging away.
It’s just not smart to invest time in bunting and running for distance. Or is it?
In baseball, and many other sports, we are now using technology to aid with the development of young athletes. It’s a much smarter way to invest their time, but I believe kids are missing out on some of the “dumb” things that teach powerful lessons as well.
I’m not anti-technology, science or growth. In fact, my personal life philosophy is based upon continuous improvement. Continuous improvement requires curiosity and an obsession with doing things better.
However, I’m starting to believe that working hard, and “dumb” is a prerequisite for working smarter. To stick with the baseball analogy, it’s silly for Mike Trout- one of the greatest of all time- to run a timed mile. He’s at the razors edge of his talent. But, is it wrong for a 15 year-old baseball player to run distance? Is it possible that he might learn something in the stillness of the road? Maybe it won’t help his explosiveness, but it could help benefit him way more than an increase in his vertical jump. The same thing is true for a seasoned executive. Answering emails and getting bogged down in the minutia are not a solid use of their time. However, a younger employee may greatly benefit from some of these “inefficiencies.”
Have we become so obsessed with life hacks that we are missing the beauty of the strenuous pursuit of achievement? Shouldn’t we know the satisfaction of being on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor before hiring a cleaning service? It’s not smart to spend a full day cleaning when our hourly worth may say we should invest the time elsewhere, but man can it be satisfying.
Is the most efficient way always the best? I’m aware that you can get a good workout at 2pm or 6am. But, are there more lessons packed into that early morning session?
As I write, I’m starting to believe hard work must come first. Only after the “dumb” work can one get smart and begin optimizing.
I have close friends that either have started a business or have advanced to high levels in their chosen field. Every single person I am thinking of has put in the hours; ridiculously long hours, coupled equally with extreme sacrifice. To a person, they each can look back and say they were inefficient in some area, but those grueling times are what made them. It also gives them a capacity to understand, empathize with and ultimately be a better leader to those who are doing the grueling or tedious work.
In the upcoming years, I think society will recalibrate itself. The pendulum has swung too far toward the idea of working smart and not hard. Good, old fashioned sweat equity will be necessary for true success.
So, the next time you see a kid sprinting hills in the neighborhood shout a word of encouragement instead of suggesting a more formal speed training program.
The next time a young employee is the first in the office and the last to leave notice their commitment instead of explaining how he could do a lot of his tasks at home.
The next time you see a high schooler shoveling the driveway so he could get some shots up acknowledge his industriousness instead of telling him it’s more productive to utilize the gym.
Work smarter later, for now just bust your tail.