Back to School Lesson: What We Can Learn From JR Smith

I’ve been following a story that makes me smile.  Two-time NBA champion, JR Smith, has enrolled at North Carolina A&T to pursue a degree.  Not only is the NBA veteran taking classes, he also has been cleared by the NCAA to be on the men’s golf team.  Smith has been active on Twitter sharing his experience. 

Why has this story been so heartwarming?  After reflection, here are three reasons why I’ve enjoyed following.

  1. Courage and Vulnerability: Smith has made a lot of money playing basketball.  He has connections.  He’s famous.  He doesn’t need a degree to provide for his family.  He freely admits he wasn’t a great student in high school.  In addition, he’s playing a collegiate sport in which he only began playing as an adult. 

It would be so much easier for him to stay in his comfort zone; instead, he chose to stretch himself.  It’s amazing how adults will ask their kids to do uncomfortable things; however, those same adults haven’t challenged themselves in years. 

Smith is modeling risk taking. Something we all need to do, not just kids.    

2. Providing Inspiration: In one of his tweets Smith writes he wants to make, “an impact on our community and culture to pursue our education more so we can help the next generation after us.”

Sure, Smith is pursuing this opportunity for his own growth.  I believe the bigger reason, however, is he wants to model the importance of education for his community. 

The more I study leadership the more I realize actions and behaviors matter way more than talking and advice giving.  Once again, parents ask their kids to work hard and push themselves.  Instead of making requests, the more effective way for parents to change their kids’ behavior is to do uncomfortable things themselves.   

3. Mudita: Mudita can be defined as, vicarious joy; being happy for another’s success as if it is your own.  Reading others genuine happiness and excitement for Smith has been heartwarming.  Lebron James, Steph Curry, and David Banner have all sent him messages of encouragement and admiration. 

I think we can all be better encouragers to our friends and loved ones.  When someone is pursuing a challenging, maybe even unconventional endeavor, it’s easy to be the skeptic.  What stops us from being a source of strength instead? 

Conclusion:

Over my six years of publishing this newsletter, I’ve been humbled by the response of the readers.  One common response, however, makes me pause.  Frequently, someone will write back or stop me and say something like, “this is great stuff.  I wish my kids would read it.” 

When I receive these comments it reminds me of how easy it is to give advice and how hard it is to make behavior changes ourselves.  It’s easy to tell our kids or people we lead what to do.  It’s much tougher to roll up our sleeves and get dirty. 

That’s what I love about J.R. Smith’s story.  He could have used his platform to shout about the importance of leaving your comfort zone.  Instead, he enrolled in school at 35 years old and earned a spot on the golf team.  Giving money to education would have been easier than attending class and pursuing his degree.  He chose the tough route of modeling instead.   

I’d like to nudge you to join me in doing two things this week:

  1. Be an encourager for someone.  Instead of being a critic, support someone’s journey.  You get bonus points if you are vulnerable and share how you admire what they are doing. 
  2. Take a personal risk.  Remember, people are watching more than they are listening.  If getting uncomfortable is so important, prove it. 

Mike

P.S. If you get some down time, here’s a link to Smith’s Twitter feed. 

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A Different Style of Mentor

Mentor- “A trusted guide or counselor; tutor or coach.”  

Most will agree that having a mentor is critical for development and success.  The image often seen when envisioning a mentor is: soft spoken, caring, wise, and offering advice every step of the way.  We welcome mentors that make us feel good and provide answers. But what about the ones who are a little rough around the edges? Who lack bedside manner?

Recently, I listened to a Michael Lewis’ Against the Rules Podcast, “Don’t be Good, Be Great.” The podcast centered around a powerful mentor, his high school baseball coach, Bill Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald was a legendary baseball and basketball coach at Isidore Newman High School in New Orleans. Lewis describes his teenage self as being inert; lacking passion and direction.  The one person who he couldn’t ignore was the tough and intimidating Fitzgerald. 

In this magnificent podcast Lewis shares stories from himself and other athletes who Coach Fitz impacted.  He was old school; demanding excellence and was relentless in holding kids accountable.  Lewis states he was making “Spartan Warriors” at a wealthy, private high school.  Here are four lessons and highlights from the episode. 

  1. Privilege Corrupts: As a junior, Michael Lewis broke an unwritten rule- he went on a skiing vacation during spring break.  While his teammates stayed and trained, Lewis chose pleasure.  In his first pitching outing following vacation Fitz shouted from the dugout, “While everyone was at practice does anyone know where Lewis was?  SKIING!!” Fitz was shouting about missing practice but what he was trying to convey was sometimes you have to sacrifice.  You have to do what duty demands not what feels comfortable. Lewis wasn’t mad at the coach; instead, he was thankful the coach taught him a tough, albeit embarrassing lesson.
  2. Don’t Settle: After coming in second place in a basketball tournament Coach Fitz was furious.  In the locker room Fitz showed everyone what he thought of finishing runner-up by slamming the trophy on the floor.  The “little man” on top of the trophy went soaring across the room.  Following his tirade some players quit.  The team went on to win the state championship that year and for the next three years as well.  According to two prominent players on the team, one who went on to have an 11 year NBA career and one who became a doctor after being a Rhodes scholar, Fitz’s tirade “steeled their resolve.”  It made them realize, “we can do better than this.”  Lewis sums it up best, “the players that left missed out because they didn’t let the coach work his magic.” 
  3. Accountability Matters: The team had training rules not to drink alcohol, which seems like a responsible request for high school kids.  Several of the players broke the rule during Mardi Gras and the coach held them accountable by issuing suspensions.  Some influential parents were upset and voiced their displeasure with the headmaster threatening to pull funding. They wanted the legendary coach fired. One player Jeremy Bleich, who went on to play at Stanford and pitch in the Big Leagues, was fully supportive of the coach: “Was there vulgarity and intensity? Yes. He taught us how to push yourself; to put your foot down and take a chance.  His message was always, ‘don’t be good be great’.”
  4. Speaking Greatness: Lewis toed the rubber as a scrawny and emotionally fragile freshman.  With runners on first and third and holding a one run lead, the opposition was salivating at the thoughts of facing the rookie. When coach handed Lewis the ball he said, “there’s no one I’d rather have in this situation than you. Now pick the son of a bitch off third and shove it up the hitter’s ass.”  Lewis could feel the coach’s energy and went on to get out of the inning and secure the win.  Even more magical was his post-game comments where he said if you want to know what courage looks like, “watch Lewis pitch.”  In that moment, he gave Lewis a new way of looking at himself.  The struggling teen became empowered. 

What’s fascinating to me is that when taken out of context those stories could be cause for termination:

  1. He called out and embarrassed a kid in front of teammates, friends and family.  All for going on a family vacation.
  2. It was childish behavior to slam a trophy and risk injuring someone. Poor modeling.
  3. Kids will be kids.  Everyone makes mistakes. Why does he need to be so harsh?
  4. His language is completely inappropriate.  It’s just a game.  What a horrible message. 

Or, another way a coach could approach these situations.

  1. The coach doesn’t make a big deal of this.  In fact, he asks about the trip.  And when he struggles he says, “don’t worry- you’ll be better next time.”
  2. The coach says calmly, “I know we can be better. But, second place isn’t bad.  You have a lot to be proud of.”
  3. The coach realizes they are not bad kids they just made a mistake. He has a stern talking with them but no suspension.
  4. Coach walks to the mound and says, “Give me your best kid.  That’s all I can ask.”

Everyone is entitled to their opinion on how a coach/mentor approaches situations.  In fact, there’s nothing wrong with thinking either one of the hypothetical responses I proposed is right.  My life experience, however, has taught me there’s something powerful about having a Coach Fitz type in your life.  It’s uncomfortable, even crude, but there’s a confidence and resilience factor that emerges.

Final Thought:
I recently experienced my 11th Father’s Day.  Observing my kids, I had two thoughts:

  1. I hope they find something they love to do.
  2. I hope they find a mentor who can help teach and develop them.

I’ve never met someone who is incredibly passionate that isn’t a bit “crazy” when it comes to their subject matter.  I don’t expect their mentor to have great bedside manner.  Instead, I hope they can work their magic, like Fitz, over the long run. 

I worry that eccentric characters are a dying breed.  As a coach, I speak for many who can attest that there are unrealistic expectations in our profession.  Instill values of toughness, persistence, and teamwork but do so under a specific set of guidelines. 

It’s hard to see our kids struggle.  I just hope I have the discipline to stay out of the way if my kids meet a mentor like Fitz.

Make it a great week,

P.S. Two questions:
1. How would you react if your kids had a tough, abrasive mentor like Fitz?
2. How can you support and protect mentors in your community?

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Be A Better Human

Today’s post is short. It’s a 5-minute video from Ernie Johnson’s talk with Alabama Football. I hope it impacts you like it impacted me.

Love you too,

Mike

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Why I Disagree with Lombardi Time:

Lombardi time: If you don’t show up 15 minutes early to a meeting, practice or appointment you are considered late. 

Coaches and leaders love Lombardi time.  Personally, I’m not a fan. 

Time is the most valuable asset humans possess.  We can make more money. We can’t make more time.  Forcing someone to be early for a meeting is robbing them of life’s most precious resource. 

I also believe arriving early is rude.  If someone invites us to their house at 1:00 and we arrive at 12:45 we are stealing their time.  They may be doing other tasks and getting ready when we barge in. 

In our program, we like our student-athletes to be prepared to engage at the start time of the meeting.  A few minutes prior the men move in with a purpose.  We don’t need them sitting and waiting for 15 minutes.  In addition, I typically need those last few minutes to prepare. 

An extra 15 minutes waiting adds up over the years.  It is selfish to have someone wait on us. 

On the other hand…..never be the person who arrives late carrying a fresh coffee! 

What are your thoughts on Lombardi time?

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Growth Mindset: How Reimagining Can Help You Get Unstuck

Have you observed how often we fall into patterns?  The foods we consume, the exercise routine, the route we take to work– all become autopilot.  More concerning is our interactions with other humans, the media we consume and thoughts we allow in our mind. 

Most people see routines as a positive thing.  I do as well. Problems occur, however, when we shut our minds off and develop a fixed mindset.  If left unchecked, “this is the way we’ve always done it” becomes our life philosophy. 

How can we combat a fixed mindset?  A great word to consider is “reimagine.”  That one word creates the space for new possibilities.  It allows us to examine our pain points and reshape them as opportunities. 

Have you found yourself stuck lately?  Here are some common situations to reimagine:
-Your interactions with your spouse.
-The time you spend with your kids.
-The way you shape the learning in your classroom (or field or boardroom)
-The on-boarding process for new hires.
-The way you look at the most powerful pain point in your life.
-The way you recognize and celebrate others success.   

The more I connect with executives I am convinced that a growth mindset is a non-negotiable characteristic for those who want to make an impact.  “This is how it’s always been done” no longer flies. The world needs curious people who are willing to view old problems as new opportunities. 

Please join me this week in reimagining new possibilities.  Let’s start with shaking things up with those we love. Instead of falling into the same patterns, let’s find ways to be fun and creative.   

Make a difference this week,
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