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Using Social Media for Learning: What I Learned About Joy and Process From Twitter

What are your thoughts on social media? Like most people, I can see the traps. It can be a complete time suck, distort reality, and lead to feelings of inadequacy. If done with intention, however, sites such as Twitter can be great for learning and development. This week, I discovered two videos which shifted my perspective.

Jim Nantz: Joy vs. Fun

Legendary broadcaster, Jim Nantz, joined Mike Gervais on the “Finding Mastery” podcast. In the short clip below, Nantz mentions how before going on air people usually say, “Have fun.” Nantz believes fun isn’t enough. He says joy is the better descriptor: it’s the wonder, curiosity and amazement with the moment.

How are you approaching your craft lately? Could you use joy as a performance enhancer?

Dusty Baker: Lesson on the Process and Not Taking Yourself too Seriously:

After the Astros won the ALCS, the MLB network interviewed Astros manager, Dusty Baker. Despite all of the emotions that typically accompany such an accomplishment, Dusty appeared as cool as ever. The announcers were curious. While everyone else began celebrating after the last out, Baker took the time to write something down. What was it? “I wrote down who made the last out.” Why? “Because I do it every day.” It was a great reminder to stick with the process regardless of the stakes involved. For Dusty Baker, he records the final out: it doesn’t matter if it is a spring training game or the championship series.

My other big takeaway from this interview was his humor. He laughs hysterically about getting “punched” during the celebration. He describes how he buys slugger, Yordan Alvarez, oxtails to keep him happy. He goes out of his way to genuinely praise the performance of their opponents. The clip shows a man who is over his ego. His job as manager is to serve the team.

When asked about social media, it’s easy to see mention all the negative things associated. At this stage of my life, it’s very likely the best tool for my personal growth and development. I hope the clips above added value to your life like they did mine.

Make it a great week,

Mike

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Confidence Choke Points

I caught the ball on the right wing. I was one-on-one with the defender. It had been a rough game, but I had an opportunity in this moment. I jab stepped to left and made a move to the right. There was a clear lane to the basket; finally, I beat my man. As I elevated for the lay-up the defender recovered and effortlessly swatted the ball out of bounds. As I walked past him he patted me on the back as if to say, “I’m sorry man, but I had to do it.” 

Time expired and the tournament ended. It was after my sophomore year in high school; I was playing in the Keystone State games. To make the team was a pretty nice accomplishment. I was coming off a strong sophomore season, and I felt good about myself. Playing against teams from Philadelphia and Harrisburg, I met my match and then some. All of my opponents were bigger, faster and way more athletic. I was a good shooter, but I was shook in this environment. I wanted to hide; my competitive spirit was broken. I reached a confidence choke point. 

The phrase “confidence choke point” recently came into my vernacular. I was reading an article about Dr. Héctor Morales, the Director of Cultural Readiness and Peak Performance Coach for the Pittsburgh Pirates. This segment of the article blew me away.

“You don’t know when you’re going to hit your first confidence choke point. Everything is going swimmingly, you think it’s perfect, you are developing your skill, and then you show up to a particular location and realize that you’re not as good as you thought you were. The downfalls are exacerbated if your mental tools are not in check. You will regress in your competitiveness, you will regress in your ability to battle, and it’s going to take a little bit of time to come back.” 

Being a collegiate baseball coach for the past 17 years I often witness kids entering a confidence choke point. For some young men, this is the first time they’ve felt this experience. Here are some common choke points:

  • High school tryouts at large schools. There’re 20 spots and 70 kids trying out.
  • Post Graduate School
  • 1st Meeting with high-powered executives
  • Presenting in front of other experts

When one hits a choke point the typical reaction is negative.

  1. Fixed Mindset: Poor pitiful me (PPM) kicks in. “I’m just not good enough.” “There’s no way I can be as good as them.” 
  2. Blaming Others: The choke point can’t be the individual’s fault. “The coach over-recruited.” “I don’t have the same resources as the others.” 
  3. Poor Coping Strategies: A confidence choke is a blow to the ego. Many people will gravitate to ways to soothe the discomfort: alcohol, drugs, and negative relationships.

For some, a choke point is the impetus for growth. They use the painful experience to accelerate their future.

  1. Growth Mindset: They see the situation as an opportunity to grow. “I’m not as good as them YET, but I know exactly what I need to do.”
  2. Productive Coping Strategies: They learn positive self-talk, laughter, and develop routines to improve.
  3. Develop a little “Throw Down:” The great competitor will stare this thing down. They will resolve to work harder and smarter to overcome the obstacle.

Thoughts For Parents:
If your son or daughter decides to pursue something with passion they will eventually meet their match. I don’t care how talented, they will encounter someone with equal or better skills. And, there will be an event where they face their choke point. Please know that choke points are awesome- it means they are nearing their edge. I believe our job as parents is to prepare them to bounce back from the setback. A couple things come to my mind. 

  1. Being intentional about establishing a growth over a fixed mindset.
  2. Showing love by making them understand their self-worth is still intact. 
  3. Work to build resiliency: the ability to bend, adjust and bounce back. 
  4. Be mindful not to give into your child excuses. Be in their corner but realize the long-term lesson will be ruined if you interfere with the process. 
  5. Model resiliency. Do as I say and not as I do is ineffective. 

Back to the Hoops Story:
I wish I had a better ending. I didn’t handle my first choke point well. I gave myself the excuse that I couldn’t be as good as the more talented players. In the years that followed I was content knowing I would be a strong player locally but I would never be able to hang with the big dogs. I believed the set-back was permanent.

There’s one more interesting piece of information to this story: these games were played in July- smack dab in the middle of baseball season. I was in the midst of a 40-50 game summer baseball schedule. I may play hoops a couple times a week during that time of year; rarely did I train specific skills. 

What if I would have used experience to train harder? What if I would have realized that I wasn’t in basketball shape? What if I possessed a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset? The positive note is this experience did equip me to handle future choke points more effectively. 

Question for the week:
As a coach or parent, how do you plan on helping your student or child through a choke point?

Conclusion:
Have you encountered a choke point recently? If not, why haven’t you? We watch and evaluate the youth as they face tough situations but as adults we frequently avoid discomfort. 

In full transparency, I’ve recently found myself in rooms (virtual) where choking was an option.  I still battle an inferiority complex.  There are times where I don’t think I belong in certain conversations. While I may choke at times, I’m doing a better job of evaluating the situation in a non-judgmental way.  “If I could do that over, how would I have handled it.”

It’s only a failure if we don’t learn from it.  Choke points make us feel alive.  Let’s go out and get some this week. 

Mike

Last week I was fortunate to have a conversation on “The Good Stuff ” with Kevin Bille. I hope you enjoy.

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Two Lessons From a MLB All-Star

On August 17th, Oakland A’s all-star pitcher, Chris Bassitt, was hit with a 100-mph line drive in the head. When the incident occurred, Chris’s 3.22 ERA was amongst the leaders in the American League. In addition, with 42 games to go- the A’s were 2.5 games behind the Astros in the AL West and 1 game back in the Wild Card race. 

The video was hard to watch and it is a reminder how dangerous the game can be. He ended up having surgery for a facial fracture on his right cheek.  He was lucky.  His right eye and right orbital bone were not fractured.  He set his sights on returning as soon as possible.  In fact, the morning after the incident he sent this text to announcer Dallas Braden, “Bullpen in a few weeks.  The show goes on.”

Fast forward to September 23. The A’s, now 9 games back in the West and behind five teams in the Wild Card race, were virtually eliminated from the playoffs.  Bassit had beat the odds and was cleared to pitch against the Seattle Mariners.  With his team out of contention and coming off a major injury he decided to take the ball. 

Many people thought it would be best for him to just take the rest of the year off.  Why risk it? Here was the post Bassit made on Twitter:

Why did I come back? What’s the point? I’ll tell you why…We are the green and gold.  Bob Melvin is my manager.  Don’t make excuses and get your ass to work.  The org turns you into a better person and I’m grateful. 

Bassit’s route to being a MLB all-star was not easy:

  • He was academically ineligible for a full year in college.
  • He was a 16th round draft pick of the White Sox, signing for a minimal signing bonus.
  • He was a closer until AA, when they switched him to a starter to increase his trade value.
  • The first time he made it to MLB spring training he broke his hand and was shut down.
  • He had a solid first MLB season, then got Tommy John surgery.
  • After TJ, he was up and down from the big leagues to the minor leagues.

At the time of the injury he was one of the best pitchers in the American League.  If he didn’t throw a pitch the rest of the year, he’d be in a tremendous position to earn a lucrative contract. There was little to gain by returning.

Returning to pitch made no rational sense.  Or did it?

Two Powerful Takeaways:

I have two major takeaways from this story. First, in order to achieve something special we have to do things that make no sense to others.  People who don’t get it will quickly point out the rational choice.  But here’s the thing, we’ll never do anything special playing it safe and small. 

Using Bassit as an example, there’s no way he’s thriving in the big league if his mindset isn’t extreme: 

  • Shouldn’t he have quit baseball and focused on school after being academically ineligible? 
  • Shouldn’t he have gotten a real job instead of playing minor league baseball for little pay?
  • He wasn’t a prospect: shouldn’t he have called it a career after TJ?

What seems rational to some is ridiculous to a high-performer like Chris.

The second takeaway is a leadership lesson: 

 “We are the green and gold.”

“Bob Melvin is my manager.”

“This org turns you into a better person and I’m grateful.”

I’ve learned to never minimize what individuals will do for teams and organizations when they feel loved and respected.  Chris Bassitt came back because he loves the people in the A’s organization.  For years, he has worked shoulder to shoulder with the players, coaches and front office to create something special. 

I’m convinced most people do not leave an organization for money.  Sure, sometimes it happens but not as often as we think. 

It’s much easier to leave or be apathetic if:

  • You don’t feel cared for. 
  • If you are made to feel easily replaceable. 
  • If you are not uniquely seen. 
  • If your needs are not heard. 

Organizations often demand loyalty, but they fail to do the hard work of connecting with their people. 

Final Thought:

If we are going to do special things we must do things that make no sense to the masses.  We must learn to love this delusional mindset.  In addition, if we want to build strong teams it’s our responsibility to ensure those within our care FEEL our appreciation. 

I’ll conclude with Bassitt’s teammate, Mark Canha’s, response:

You came back for the boys. Cuz your all about the boys and you’re a damn gladiator! You already had my respect Bassmaster, but the work you’ve done over the past few weeks culminating in the return today took it to a whole new level.”

Continue doing things that make no sense to others.  Continue loving and supporting those you lead at a deep level. 

I’ll bet it leads to something special.

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What Makes Elite, Elite?

A friend and thinking partner recently posed a fun question: What makes elite, elite? 

This question can take you in many different directions.  Before you read any further, please take a few minutes and consider how you would answer.

Welcome back.  To no one’s surprise, I started this exercise considering high performers in sports and business.  In addition, the other lens I explored was thinking about serial winning organizations. 

After reflecting on this question for a week and having a conversation with my friend, here’s where I landed. 

  1. Genetic or Environmental Advantage:  I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the best of the best usually have a great starting point.  For an easy example, the average height of an NBA basketball player in 2021 was 6’6 and some change.  The odds are stacked against the person who aspires to play in the NBA who’s under 6-foot.  The same holds true with those who are elite in medicine or business.  My hypothesis is they have a higher capacity to learn and retain than the average person.  Environmental advantages usually take some unpacking to understand.  A lot of great coaches grew up with parents who’ve coached.  Discussions about leading and x’s and o’s were a part of their daily lives.  It’s a built-in advantage. 
  2. Obsessed with Improvement: Once you are in certain spaces, it’s amazing how many people have these genetic or environmental gifts.  What I’ve observed from the best of the best is they have an insatiable desire to improve. For those rare people, taking an off-day is hard.  There’s a paranoia that others are getting better while they are not.  Even if they aren’t concerned with the competition, the thought of not discovering their absolute best scares them.  This obsession allows them to sacrifice and suffer more than the person who is merely good. 
  3. Able to Spot Future Trends: The elite of the elite use their gifts and obsession to be able to see into the future.  They have a clear vision of where the sport or industry is heading.  The rest are forced to play catch-up. They try to keep up with industry trends.  The best, however, are a few steps ahead. 
  4. High-Level Communicators: When I think of high level communicators I think of someone who is living in complete alignment.  Their written-words, body language, orator style, and behaviors all line up. This type of alignment attracts other high-performers to join them on the mission. The elite of the elite know they cannot do it on their own.  Their ability to communicate inspires others to join their team. 

Action Step:

I have two requests this week.  First, my thoughts on this topic are far from a finished product.  I need your help.  Please take a moment this week and let me know what you think makes elite, elite.  Send me an email and we can find a time to chop it up.  I’ve found wrestling with a fun topic helps to put language around things many people just assume they know. 

Second, throw humility out the window for a moment.  I’d love to hear an area in which you are elite.  If that’s too hard, using the framework I laid out, can you identify an area where you could become elite?  Do you have a genetic or environmental gift?  What’s an area you are obsessed with? Are you able to spot future trends?  Have your communication skills inspired others to join the mission? 

I’d love to learn more about you.    

Mike

P.S.  My great friend Joe Ferraro’s on-line course is now available.  The feedback has been amazing.  The Damn Good Questions course is for anyone looking to tap into their full potential.  By learning how to ask better questions, you will improve the quality of your conversations and deepen your professional and personal relationships.  The questions we ask are our most efficient and valuable tools to helps us tap into the creativity and curiosity of the world around us.  If you want to enrich your relationships and improve your work, there is no more efficient way than asking better questions.  Joe’s course has resonated with podcast hosts, hiring teams, and interview candidates.  I think you will enjoy!

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Sports Parenting: How Can You Help Your Collegiate Athlete?

A few weeks ago I received a call from a friend.  His son is a first-year student-athlete in a competitive program.  From what I could gather, his son is struggling: he’s questioning his skills, the coach is demanding, and he’s not sure where he stacks up.  My friend is struggling as well; he wants to help. 

I asked him how often he talks with his son.  His response made me pause, “We talk everyday after practice.”  I followed up by asking (and not trying to sound too judgmental), “What do you talk about?”  He went on to tell me how they discuss: how practice went, how he performed, and what the coach said. 

My friend is great.  I like to think of him as a person who “gets it.”  However, this conversation left me concerned.   

The more I dive into sports parenting, the more I realize it’s not the malicious parent I’m worried about.  Very few parents fall into this category. Instead, it’s the parent (like my friend) who has the best intentions. They want to help.  They want their child to be happy.  They want them to have a great experience. 

Here are a few things to consider as you navigate your child’s collegiate athletics career. 

My Parents Got It Right:

Sports were a way of life in my family.  How I approached the game was a big deal.  My dad would come to games after work so there were usually two cars present. Put it this way, if I didn’t compete well I was jumping in my mom’s car.  She was much more tolerant than my dad. 

But something happened when I got to college: we rarely spoke about baseball.  When I would call home we’d talk about anything and everything but not my performance. 

What changed? I like to think my dad realized I was in an extremely competitive environment.  Critiquing daily results would do more harm than good.  He expected there would be highs and lows. He knew short-term results meant little; it would be based on consistency over time (can you imagine analyzing your retirement fund every day)?    

Most importantly, I believe my parents didn’t want my whole identity wrapped up in sports.  That’s a tough way to live. 

A Lesson From A Coach:

One of my closest friends is Jon Vanderwal, head basketball coach at Marietta College.  Over the last seven years only three teams have more wins at the Division III level.  They’ve won 82% of their games which is best amongst any program in DI, DII or DIII in the state of Ohio. 

You don’t have that type of success without having great internal competition.  In one of the first meetings every season, Coach V offers this advice.

“When your parents or friends ask if you are going to start, play or dress just say, ‘I’m working hard and getting better’.” 

Coach V believes that question can set-up unrealistic expectations which develops into bigger issues.  Kids will usually answer the question with what you want to hear.  “I’m killing it.  I was giving it to the guy who was the starter last year.” 

According to Coach V, and I agree, this leads to larger problems.  When the games begin and the athlete doesn’t get the role they want this question gets asked, “Why aren’t you playing more? You said you were crushing it in practice.”

This is a tough question for a young person to answer.  They’ll likely go into how the coach doesn’t like them or they aren’t being treated fairly. 

You can see how things can spiral from there. “Why doesn’t the coach like you?”  “You should be playing.”  The stories in the loved one’s head start becoming darker and darker. 

If you someone who is supporting a collegiate athlete, what can you do to avoid this? It’s simple. Don’t ask the question. 

Assessment Is Different Than You Think:

I learned this phrase last week at a leadership think tank event, “selection is an on-going assessment.”  It’s true.  One day, one performance, one interaction means very little.  The assessment is constant and includes way more than what people think. 

For example, how do most people assess a hitter’s performance in baseball?  Your likely answer is the results.  “I went 3-4.” Or, “I went 0-4 with 2 strikeouts.” 

From a coach’s standpoint, we are actually evaluating other things: the hard contact, the amount of pitches seen, the time from home to first, the production of the at-bat.  Not to mention, how was their approach to the game today? How did they show-up as a teammate? Are they coachable? 

The point is, what you may be obsessing upon (say a 3-4 performance) may not be that critical in the assessment process.  Numbers and statistics play out over time, not in a snapshot. 

Conclusion: 

I joked with my friend and told him he needs to have his son get a calling card and only call from a pay phone.  It would slow down the immediate feedback.  I think it would do him and his son good. 

All kidding aside, please consider moving to a support role as soon as you can.  Be intentional about the questions you ask knowing they can lead to future problems.  Realize your daughter or son is likely in a challenging environment and reflecting daily on the results is really hard for them to do. 

You are not alone, every parent I know wrestles with this.  You just can’t let your positive intentions lead to negative outcomes. 

When in doubt, tell your child you love them and can’t wait to see them soon!

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