I’ve been extremely fortunate to connect with many leaders from various backgrounds over the past several years.  A recurring theme I am hearing is that new hires, despite having the strong academic resumes, lack mental toughness.  They’ve never experienced failure, or they’ve never really been pushed.  At the first sign of adversity, they often shrink.  Here’s the gap.  In our rush as parents and educators to build self-esteem and provide every advantage for our children, we are frequently missing the mark.  As a father of four, and as a coach of many more, I understand the difficulty in watching young people struggle.  My natural inclination is to protect them. The interesting paradox is that in the struggle is where the characteristics of success are often being built. The process of failing, followed by pushing through and ultimately achieving, is what builds self-confidence. This cannot be created in the absence of struggle.

“How Children Succeed” author, Paul Tough, identified seven strengths that were especially likely to predict life satisfaction and high achievement. We used to believe that these traits were innate. The exciting news is we now know that these skills are learnable. I’d like to share how competitive athletics can help our young people achieve a happy and meaningful life.

       1.  Grit can be defined as physical and mental toughness; the ability to persevere and overcome obstacles.  To play competitive sports, athletes are going to have to have a little “throw down.”  On a daily basis, they are knocked out of their comfort zone.  In order to meet the challenges, they are tested.  Without grit, it is extremely difficult to last in a competitive sports environment.

       2.  Self-Control comes in many forms: doing the hard right instead of the easy wrong; delaying gratification; and maintaining calm in the face of adversity.  To pursue excellence in competitive sports, self-control is a must.  Having the discipline to stay focused when many are choosing instant gratification is challenging but critical for the committed athlete.

       3.  Zest is having liveliness, spark or energy.  Ask any coach, the most fun people to work with are the ones who have a little bounce in their step.  There are certain people who just lift the energy of an organization as soon as they arrive.  For years, I’ve told potential student-athletes and their families, “I want to coach fun, young men who view being coached as a privilege.”  Basically, I’m trying to attract people with zest.

       4.  Social Intelligence is the ability to connect and bond with all different types of humans. This is probably the greatest gift athletes can acquire through competitive athletics.  Personally, I thank sports every day for allowing me to meet so many amazing people from eclectic backgrounds.   Sports provided me the repetitions to be able to walk into any room and feel comfortable.

       5.  Gratitude can be defined as being thankful; a readiness to show appreciation.  This is one of the four pillars of our program.  In competitive sports you learn, over time, to be thankful for everything while realizing you are entitled to nothing.  Wins and roles are earned and not given.  You learn to be grateful for your opportunities. Choosing to look at obstacles and challenges as opportunities and blessings is the only way in competitive sports.

       6.  Optimism is an act of faith, a belief in something that can’t be proven.  Athletes and teams face impossible odds. Pursuing a championship or elite-level performance is a daunting task. Before any team can accomplish greatness, it must believe that it can.

       7.  Curiosity is a drive to question the status quo.  Top-level teams, organizations and individuals are constantly learning and evolving.  There is a constant quest to learn more in order to gain a competitive advantage.  The best athletes I’ve met invest in themselves; they take complete ownership of their careers by studying, learning and asking how can I do this better.  “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it” is never a satisfactory answer for any elite team or organization. This constant search for new and better ways to do things is a staple of high-achievers.

 Some Thoughts for Parents, Coaches and Business Leaders

Parents: I love my kids a lot.  I have a blind spot.  It’s difficult for me to drive and push them out of their comfort zone.  It doesn’t have to be sports, but I want them to find something that fires them up.  More importantly, I want them to find a coach or mentor who shares the same passion they do and has their heart in the right place.  From there, I’m getting the heck out of the way and letting that person “do their thing.”   I don’t care if they are mean, abrasive, sweet or kind – I just want them to help my kids develop the intangibles of happiness and meaning that I struggle to provide.

Coaches: You can’t provide a “good experience” for everyone, that’s impossible.  Take a deep dive into yourself. Understand your strengths and weaknesses.  Self-awareness is crucial.  From there, “let it rip.”  Kids are going to encounter numerous leadership styles over their lifetime.  Give them your most authentic self. They will learn so much (good and bad).  The toughest thing about coaching is the benefits provided to the athletes are rarely acknowledged in the moment.  Demanding excellence, even when unpopular, is providing a feedback loop for a lifetime.  You’re helping create the characteristics proven to lead a successful life.  Take pride in that.

Business Leaders: In today’s business environment, especially with the misalignment among Baby Boomers, Gen Xers and Millennials, a different level of thinking is necessary.  A clearly-defined culture is crucial. Once you have a clear vision for your culture, you can now look for individuals who first align with or can thrive in your culture, then look to the skills/experience. What are the characteristics of high-functioning and successful people in your organization?  Once clarity has been created, look to seek out these individuals for hire.  Sure, certain skills are necessary, but character traits are critical and often neglected or marginalized in favor of easily quantified attributes (grades, class rank, prior work experience, etc.).

Final Thought

I’m often asked, “Can playing sports negatively affect my grades?” Like most coaches, I used to quickly defend the time allocation of sports and say, “no, actually sports help their performance in the classroom.”  While the statement can be true for some, the incredible amount of time and energy put into pursuing athletic excellence can come with a cost.  What I do believe, however, is that sports enhance the overall academic experience for the young person.  When done properly, sports bring out the characteristics above that lead to true success. Sports force the athlete to manage time, navigate interpersonal relationships, take direction and lead, all while managing the academic rigors. To be clear, it’s not the actual playing of a sport that can assist in building character; instead, it’s the lessons learned pursuing greatness.

Make it a great week,

Mike