A Different Style of Mentor

Mentor- “A trusted guide or counselor; tutor or coach.”  

Most will agree that having a mentor is critical for development and success.  The image often seen when envisioning a mentor is: soft spoken, caring, wise, and offering advice every step of the way.  We welcome mentors that make us feel good and provide answers. But what about the ones who are a little rough around the edges? Who lack bedside manner?

Recently, I listened to a Michael Lewis’ Against the Rules Podcast, “Don’t be Good, Be Great.” The podcast centered around a powerful mentor, his high school baseball coach, Bill Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald was a legendary baseball and basketball coach at Isidore Newman High School in New Orleans. Lewis describes his teenage self as being inert; lacking passion and direction.  The one person who he couldn’t ignore was the tough and intimidating Fitzgerald. 

In this magnificent podcast Lewis shares stories from himself and other athletes who Coach Fitz impacted.  He was old school; demanding excellence and was relentless in holding kids accountable.  Lewis states he was making “Spartan Warriors” at a wealthy, private high school.  Here are four lessons and highlights from the episode. 

1. Privilege Corrupts: As a junior, Michael Lewis broke an unwritten rule- he went on a skiing vacation during spring break.  While his teammates stayed and trained, Lewis chose pleasure.  In his first pitching outing following vacation Fitz shouted from the dugout, “While everyone was at practice does anyone know where Lewis was?  SKIING!!” Fitz was shouting about missing practice but what he was trying to convey was sometimes you have to sacrifice.  You have to do what duty demands not what feels comfortable. Lewis wasn’t mad at the coach; instead, he was thankful the coach taught him a tough, albeit embarrassing lesson.
2. Don’t Settle: After coming in second place in a basketball tournament Coach Fitz was furious.  In the locker room Fitz showed everyone what he thought of finishing runner-up by slamming the trophy on the floor.  The “little man” on top of the trophy went soaring across the room.  Following his tirade some players quit.  The team went on to win the state championship that year and for the next three years as well.  According to two prominent players on the team, one who went on to have an 11 year NBA career and one who became a doctor after being a Rhodes scholar, Fitz’s tirade “steeled their resolve.”  It made them realize, “we can do better than this.”  Lewis sums it up best, “the players that left missed out because they didn’t let the coach work his magic.” 
3. Accountability Matters: The team had training rules not to drink alcohol, which seems like a responsible request for high school kids.  Several of the players broke the rule during Mardi Gras and the coach held them accountable by issuing suspensions.  Some influential parents were upset and voiced their displeasure with the headmaster threatening to pull funding. They wanted the legendary coach fired. One player Jeremy Bleich, who went on to play at Stanford and pitch in the Big Leagues, was fully supportive of the coach: “Was there vulgarity and intensity? Yes. He taught us how to push yourself; to put your foot down and take a chance.  His message was always, ‘don’t be good be great’.”
4. Speaking Greatness: Lewis toed the rubber as a scrawny and emotionally fragile freshman.  With runners on first and third and holding a one run lead, the opposition was salivating at the thoughts of facing the rookie. When coach handed Lewis the ball he said, “there’s no one I’d rather have in this situation than you. Now pick the son of a bitch off third and shove it up the hitter’s ass.”  Lewis could feel the coach’s energy and went on to get out of the inning and secure the win.  Even more magical was his post-game comments where he said if you want to know what courage looks like, “watch Lewis pitch.”  In that moment, he gave Lewis a new way of looking at himself.  The struggling teen became empowered. 

What’s fascinating to me is that when taken out of context those stories could be cause for termination:

1. He called out and embarrassed a kid in front of teammates, friends and family.  All for going on a family vacation.
2. It was childish behavior to slam a trophy and risk injuring someone. Poor modeling.
3. Kids will be kids.  Everyone makes mistakes. Why does he need to be so harsh?
4. His language is completely inappropriate.  It’s just a game.  What a horrible message. 

Or, another way a coach could approach these situations.

1. The coach doesn’t make a big deal of this.  In fact, he asks about the trip.  And when he struggles he says, “don’t worry- you’ll be better next time.”
2. The coach says calmly, “I know we can be better. But, second place isn’t bad.  You have a lot to be proud of.”
3. The coach realizes they are not bad kids they just made a mistake. He has a stern talking with them but no suspension.
4. Coach walks to the mound and says, “Give me your best kid.  That’s all I can ask.”

Everyone is entitled to their opinion on how a coach/mentor approaches situations.  In fact, there’s nothing wrong with thinking either one of the hypothetical responses I proposed is right.  My life experience, however, has taught me there’s something powerful about having a Coach Fitz type in your life.  It’s uncomfortable, even crude, but there’s a confidence and resilience factor that emerges.

Final Thought:
I recently experienced my 11^th Father’s Day.  Observing my kids, I had two thoughts:

1. I hope they find something they love to do.
2. I hope they find a mentor who can help teach and develop them.

I’ve never met someone who is incredibly passionate that isn’t a bit “crazy” when it comes to their subject matter.  I don’t expect their mentor to have great bedside manner.  Instead, I hope they can work their magic, like Fitz, over the long run. 

I worry that eccentric characters are a dying breed.  As a coach, I speak for many who can attest that there are unrealistic expectations in our profession.  Instill values of toughness, persistence, and teamwork but do so under a specific set of guidelines. 

It’s hard to see our kids struggle.  I just hope I have the discipline to stay out of the way if my kids meet a mentor like Fitz.

Make it a great week,

P.S. Two questions:
1. How would you react if your kids had a tough, abrasive mentor like Fitz?
2. How can you support and protect mentors in your community?