Staying Ready, Thinking Upstream and Toxic Positivity

Good Morning! My goal is provide value every Monday morning. As many of you know, the spring is my busy season. With that in mind, I’d like to share with you some quick hitters around things I’m reading, watching, or listening to. When things slow down, I’ll get back to the longer formed articles.
While busy, I still love hearing from you. So, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
Here we go!

Stay Ready
I recently watched an MLB Network interview with former big leaguer, Charlie Hayes. Hayes spent 14 years in the show. Long time baseball fans will remember him catching the final out of the 1996 World Series.

“I wasn’t starting and I kinda took it the wrong way. It hit me that guys on the team had accomplished way more than I had in this game, and they had bought in to what Mr. Torre was saying. From that day forward I took baseball very differently. I cherished every day. I worked hard. It made my job easier when I cheered for everybody else because it made me forget my shortcomings. I teach that to the kids. Everybody knows me for catching the foul ball, but I didn’t start the game (he replaced Wade Boggs in the 7th inning). You have to stay prepared and you’ll be ready when that situation comes.”

After hearing Charlie’s interview I was reminded how an unchecked ego can be damaging. Even great people (Hayes seems like an awesome person) get selfish at times. When we lean into serving others, happiness and positive experiences typically follow.
My biggest takeaway, and the one I hope you embrace as well, is to stay ready. We never know when our number will be called.

Think Upstream
I’m finishing up, Upstream-The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen, by Dan Heath. My big takeaways:

  • While hard to quantify, problem prevention is better than problem fixing. So, how can we detect problems before they occur?
  • “There’s no doubt that our noble efforts to make the world better can very easily make the world worse.”

Please consider how “noble effort” can be harmful in parenting, teaching, and leading.
When trying to improve a situation, it’s a must to consider the unintentional consequences.

Toxic Positivity
A follow that I love on Twitter is Susan David. She introduced me to a phrase, “toxic positivity.” Here’s one of her tweets that has me thinking:

“False positivity should never be used at the expense of reality. Leaders need to face others- and the situation- with candor, compassion, and courage.”

As leaders, we must be careful saying, “you need to be thankful” or “stay positive.” Sometimes we need to recognize times are tough and acknowledge other’s frustrations.

That’s not being negative.

That’s being real.

To learn more about Susan watch her Ted Talk: The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage or listen to her conversation with Brene Brown: Dangers of Toxic Positivity.

See you next Monday!

/0 Comments/by

Doing What the Game Demands

One of my mentors, Clint Hurdle, shared his wisdom on a Zoom call with our baseball team. Clint has taken the “dirt road” in life.  His scars and his triumphs are earned.  When he speaks, you are on the edge of your seat because you know a gem is right around the corner.

At one point during the conversation we discussed facing an elite starting pitcher. When competing against an ace- Tom Seaver, Nolan Ryan, Bob Gibson, Greg Maddux- winning the game is a daunting task.  Clint said your only chance to defeat an upper echelon pitcher is to,  “do what the game demands.”

In baseball, this can mean several things. Here are a few examples:

  • The hitter gets two strikes early in the count, but he battles and drives the pitch count up.
  • It’s taking 3-1 when leading off an inning, increasing the odds of getting on base while simultaneously increasing the odds of striking out. 
  • With a runner on 2nd and nobody out, the hitter executes a sacrifice bunt or finds a way to move the runner to 3rd.
  • It’s fighting for 90 feet: reading a ball in the dirt, taking a HBP, drawing a walk.

Doing what the game demands isn’t sexy. It requires sacrifice. It requires doing things you may not want to do.  It requires doing things that the average fan doesn’t recognize and appreciate. Often times it may reflect poorly on your stats. 

And, doing what the game demands doesn’t guarantee you will get the outcome you desire.  However, failing to do what the game demands gives you no shot of success. 

Sports are packed with life lessons.  Couldn’t we simply say, “do what life demands?”  There are times where the odds are stacked against us (we are facing an ace) and we have to step up and do what’s required. 

  • Your spouse is asked to work longer hours and you have to do the lion’s share of work at home.
  • Your elderly parent needs to be taken to doctors appointments but you also have a plethora of other responsibilities.
  • You are short staffed at work and there are jobs that need to be completed outside of the job description. 

 And sometimes there are massive disruptions:

  • An unexpected death in the family
  • Loss of a job
  • Being forced to relocate 
  • A serious health concern

In these situations, much like facing an elite pitcher, we are forced to do what life demands.  Life demands that we sacrifice and pour ourselves into doing the right thing; not what is most comfortable and self-serving.    

In baseball, every team eventually runs into an ace. It’s inevitable.  In life, we will all face challenging circumstances- that’s inevitable too.  Facing a dominant pitcher reveals the character of the team.  Will they fight? Will they compete?  Facing challenging times in life reveals character as well. Will we stand up? Will we do what’s necessary?

When the Phillies are facing the Met’s Jake deGrom (arguably the best pitcher in baseball) they can’t cancel the game.  They have to figure out what the game demands and execute.

When adversity strikes in life, we can’t quit.  We have to step up for those we love. 

2020 is like facing an ace.  Let’s take the challenge to do what life demands.

Mike

Reflection Question: What is life demanding of you right now?

/0 Comments/by
,

USWNT, Super Bowl Champs, and the Sigmoid Curve

“Mountaintops are small and the air is thin for a reason.  Because you are not supposed to dwell- it’s rented space.  You enjoy the view briefly then it’s time to climb again”- Jill Ellis

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are the Super Bowl champions.  After watching Jill Ellis’ episode from the Netflix documentary, “The Playbook,” and learning the about the Sigmoid Curve, I’m curious how the champs will handle their success. 

Jill Ellis led the USWNT to the World Cup in 2015.  It was her first full year on the job.  The players and fans equally loved her. According to her, “We were feeling pretty good about ourselves.” 

Following the historic run, she had to rally the group to prepare for the 2016 Olympics.  Despite her best efforts, the team struggled.  They lost on penalty kicks to Sweden in the quarterfinals.  It was the first time the USWNT failed to make it to the Olympic semifinals. Ellis called it a “massive wake-up call.” 

Following the games, Ellis decided change was necessary.  She had the awareness to realize that Sweden developed a blueprint for how to play the US. “We needed a hard reboot.” She made the difficult decision to find new players and remove others.  In addition, she knew they would have to schedule the best competition in the world in order to improve.    

Not surprisingly, the team struggled.  The USWNT was used to winning.  Now, they were losing, which amplified the negativity around Ellis’ tough decisions. In her heart, she knew she was doing the right thing.  Eventually, the team came together.  In 2019, they won the World Cup again. 

The Sigmoid Curve is when we are at the top of our game it’s time to change our game.  It’s counterintuitive. Coach Ellis made moves coming off a World Cup championship.  She made controversial decisions when it would have been easier to stay the same.  It came with criticism.  However, I don’t think they win back-back- cups without changing the game. 

It’s much easier to be the hunter than the hunted.  While the champions are celebrating, the competition is studying, preparing and training for the next season.  To stay on top is a real challenge. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Super Bowl champs.  They’ve earned the right to admire the view. The trail was rocky and the weather was harsh.  To get to the pinnacle and not witness its beauty would be disrespectful.    

The question for me is when is it time to come down?  Some people need just a quick peak and they are ready to return.  Others may need to drink it in a little longer.  There’s no exact formula.  However, we must remember, the air is thin at the top for a reason. 

Just like most of the things I write about, I don’t have the answers.  This is just a reminder for me, and hopefully you as well.  It’s important to celebrate our success.  But not for too long. 

Questions to Consider:

What’s your default? Staying on top of the mountain for too long? Or, do you have a tendency to never take in the view? 

How can you encourage your team to celebrate their success while also realizing there still tough work ahead? 

Is it possible to enjoy your climb even if you don’t reach the summit?  Is it more about the destination or the journey?

/0 Comments/by
,

Shoot Your Shot: Thoughts on Andy Reid’s Decision

CBS football analyst, Tony Romo, is a football savant. It’s like he’s watching a replay of the game and the viewers are seeing it for the first time.  His predictions are never wrong. That is, until last Sunday.

The Kansas City Chiefs were holding a 5-point lead over the Cleveland Browns.  Their star quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, was sidelined after sustaining a concussion.  The momentum was in the Browns favor.  Facing a 4th and inches with 1:15 remaining the Chiefs head coach, Andy Reid, had a choice:

  • Punt and force the Browns to drive the length of the field with no timeouts…or
  • Go for the first down and try to win the game. 

Reid sent his offense onto the field. In the booth, Romo explained how the Chiefs were going to create motion and try to draw the Browns offside. He commented on how they wouldn’t run a play-they would likely take a timeout and punt. In the middle of his sentence, the Chiefs did the unthinkable…..they snapped the ball.  Journeyman quarterback, Chad Henne, threw a short pass for the first down.  The shocking call solidified the win.  

If Reid would have chosen to punt, no one would have criticized.  The Browns would have gained possession with poor field position, no timeouts and roughly a minute to play.  The safe play was to punt. 

In fairness, the game of football has embraced analytics more recently.  The numbers frequently show the team should go for it on 4th and short and not punt.  However, I still don’t know many, if any, coaches who would have went for it in this situation; let alone with their backup QB throwing a pass!

How did Kansas City Chief Head Coach make the decision to pass on 4th and inches with the game on the line?  What allows someone to make a call that goes against popular opinion? 

I’d love to take Andy Reid to lunch and ask him about his decision.  I refuse to believe it’s as simple as him being a riverboat gambler.  I also don’t believe it was him relying on straight data and analytics.  I believe it’s deeper than that. 

For what it’s worth, I believe it came down to the capital he’s built.  He has been a head coach for 22 years.  In his 8 years with the Chiefs, he has a .711 winning percentage including winning the Super Bowl last season.  To put that in perspective, the coach often regarded as the best ever, Bill Belichick, has a winning percentage only slightly better with the New England Patriots (.726).

Longevity alone, however, doesn’t buy you capital. It was clear in the post-game interviews how much the players believed in their coach and each other.  Decisions, as it turns out, have a much greater chance of success if the ones executing believe in the plan.  There is also the capital with the front office and ownership.  It’s not simply their words.  There’s a feeling when you know you are fully supported from those above you.  Recency effect also plays a part; winning the Super Bowl last year helps. The fans and media are more lenient with a recent winner. 

What can we learn from this? First, how can a leader expedite the process of gaining capital? It’s critical to identify the key stakeholders and begin intentionally building trust.  Every behavior is either deposit or withdrawal.. 

Second, if we are in management or the front office, how can we provide the support to allow our leaders to make real-time, bold decisions.  In other words, is there a way to empower boldness from a leader who’s lacking the pedigree?  I’m convinced, a rookie head coach could not have made this controversial decision.

Making decisions is a requirement for leaders. Do we want leaders to go rogue, dismiss data, and always “go with their gut?” Of course not.  Do we want them to always play the percentages knowing over time the odds win?  Heck no. Do we make the call based off optics alone? I don’t think so. 

We can never forget that sports and business are “played” by real people.  People are messy.  Life is messy.  Situations are complex. 

Feel is real.  Call it what you want: gut instinct; intuition. I call it information that can’t be quantified.  Things such as the look in the collective defense’s eyes saying, “we can’t stop this team.” A few guys who are hurt or injured. Knowing the tendency of the officiating crew to call pass interference.  Just because it is hard or impossible to measure doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. 

One final thing, once we’ve built up the capital we must display the courage to use it.  We won’t have the capital forever.  For example, if Henne’s pass would have fallen incomplete, Reid’s capital would have suffered.  The media would have crushed him, some players would have questioned the call, and I’m sure he would have received feedback from the front office.  Things would have been different next year.

I guess the bottom line is this: you need the support of everyone involved to make your best decisions. In order to gain this trust, there must be a track-record of positive interactions and outcomes.  And, once that capital is earned it’s having the courage to shoot your shot!!

Andy Reid did, so can you and I.

I’ve watched the clip of this play 100 times. At first, I thought they caught the Browns off guard.  They really didn’t.  It wasn’t like Tyreek Hill was standing wide open.  He had to beat his man and Henne had to trust the route. They executed the play.  My fascination stems from how easily that play could have not worked. How easily the Browns could have taken over possession at midfield.  How harshly this decision would have been criticized.

/2 Comments/by
, , , , ,

One Question That Builds Team Loyalty

Recently, I attended a workshop on Servant Leadership hosted by Paul Scanlon.  Besides being the best orator I’ve witnessed, Paul’s content was phenomenal. He took shots at nearly every profession represented in the room: bankers, politicians, educators and clergy members.  However, he walked the fine line of honesty and candor without making it personal. 

Paul was on the topic of building committed teams when he dropped the nugget of the night.  He asked, “how do you build loyalty within your team?” I was on the edge of my seat waiting for a long answer.  He responded with, “Ask someone, ‘How’s your momma doing’?” 

His statement sent me back nearly a decade ago when I was on a job interview.  Somehow the topic of my parents came up and I mentioned my father was deceased.  The interviewer sat back and with a welcoming smile said, “Tell me about your dad.”

Despite the job having many problems and clearly not a fit for me, I almost took the position.  Why? Because I felt a tremendous connection with the person interviewing. Her willingness to break the pattern of a typical interview, take a risk, and connect was powerful.

Our world is moving fast.  Automation, science and data have changed the landscape of nearly every business.  While information is being exchanged at warp speed it’s important to remember that humans need connection. 

I believe the organizations that can maintain the human touch will be ones that thrive in the years to come.  Sure, advancement in technology is important, but nothing can motivate, inspire, and create loyalty like a warm smile, a friendly pat on the back, or an inquisitive question. 

Paul challenged the audience, “lift your chin and realize there is a human on the other side.”  I challenge you to do the same this week. Let’s put the devices down and sit across from someone we care about and ask with genuine curiosity, “How’s your momma doing?” 

/1 Comment/by
, , , , ,

In Times of Uncertainty Control the Controllable

 (This article was orginally posted on July 6, 2020)

What an interesting time!  There are high levels of fear, anxiety, distrust, and skepticism. People are worried about the future.

  • Are we going to face another shut down?
  • Will schools reopen in the fall? 
  • What will happen if I lose my job? 
  • Will professional sports ever be the same?

In the recent months, I’ve witnessed people obsessing about things they have little or no control over. I’ve been guilty of this.  While watching a 10u baseball game I was reminded of an important lesson: control the controllable.    

Lessons from the Sandlot:
There are several ways to describe the first year of kid pitch baseball- slow, agonizing, boring- to name a few.  What I’ve noticed is the extreme emotional output on the child who is pitching.  They are an emotional wreck!  Most of them don’t understand that several factors are outside of their control.. 

  • If the batter chooses to swing.
  • If the batter crushes a home run.
  • If the umpire calls the pitch a ball or strike.
  • If the fielder catches the baseball. 
  • If your coach, mom, or dad yells at you. 

At the 10u level, the vast majority of kids can’t comprehend this.  They feel like everything is their fault.  They don’t understand that an error was made behind them or that the umpire missed a call.  They just know there was a poor outcome, and they assume they are to blame.

Over the years, the pitcher eventually realizes that after releasing the pitch the outcome is largely out of his control.  This isn’t to avoid blame or criticism.  In fact, it’s just the opposite.  The result provides information to be analyzed and used for future decision making.  The advanced pitcher focuses on the process and avoids the emotional rollercoaster of letting results define their success. 

My son is ten and is going through this journey.  I’m not sure how much he understands but here’s what I encourage him to focus on. 

  • Play catch with someone a few days a week.
  • Be ready to field his position.
  • Back up bases.
  • Communicate and be a positive teammate.
  • After a play, understand the current situation and decide what needs to be done next.
  • Display the courage to keep trying.

That’s it.  Those are things he can control.  It’s a much simpler game.

Athletes frequently get lost in the future.  What bad things are going  to happen next?  How many runs are they going to score? How are my coaches/parents going to react? 

Those questions are common.  Those questions also let us know that uncertainty is winning.  Those questions lead to negative results. 

Sports Life Parallel:
The parallels between sports and life always amaze me.  In looking at my son’s list I thought, “That’s the blueprint for how I need to approach life right now.”

  • “Play catch”- Do the work.
  • “Field your position”- Add value.
  • “Back up bases”- Support others.
  • “Communicate and be a great teammate”- Focus on relationships.
  • “Analyze the play”- Be adaptable.
  • “Display courage”- Keep going. 

Conclusion:
“Why would I think about missing a shot that I haven’t taken”- Michael Jordan

We are in the midst of tough and challenging times.  In my lifetime, I have not experienced mass uncertainty like we are presently witnessing.  Like the great Jordan said, we can’t be worried about problems that haven’t arrived. 

This time demands that we focus on what we control.  That list is longer than we often acknowledge. 

As we charge on to the field following halftime of the year 2020, we are faced with an uncertain future.  People will resort to gossip and fighting on what they believe should be done.  Others will choose to spend time consuming an unhealthy amount of news increasing their worry and anxiety. 

Let’s not fall for these traps.  Let’s focus on relationships, health, growth, and happiness.  Let’s be mindful of the content we consume.  Let’s guard against people who want to bask in negativity.  Let’s adapt and persevere.  Let’s be quick to lend a helping hand. 

The world needs you right now,

Mike

/0 Comments/by
, , , , ,

Move Toward Problems: Lessons from Seinfeld, Popovich and Formula 1 Racing

Recently, the universe has been attempting to get my attention. On three separate occasions I listened to experts in different fields discuss how they handle problems.  While most people avoid conflict, these people recommended running toward issues:

  • Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was on the Tim Ferris Podcast. During the conversation he mentioned how he never lets an issue fester. Instead, when he feels tension he immediately confronts. “I don’t like discourse and I am fearless in rooting it out and solving it. And if anyone is having a problem I’m going to walk right up to them and go, ‘Is there a problem? Let’s talk about this.’ Because I cannot stand this type of turmoil.” (Here’s a link to the entire thought provoking interview: Seinfeld/Ferris).
  • During a virtual professional development event, I heard Piers Thynee and Mark Mathieson of McClaren Group discuss the fast paced world of Formula 1 racing. Their team was charged with increasing ventilation production from 50 a week to 200 a day in response to the pandemic. Needless to say, inevitable obstacles appeared. They credited moving toward the problems, instead of hiding, as a key to their successful execution.
  • Current New Jersey Nets General Manager, Sean Marks, spent several years with the highly respected San Antonio Spurs. He noticed head coach Gregg Popovich was eager to engage in difficult conversations. “Pop would never shy away from a challenging conversation. He actually relished them.”

What can leaders do?

It is much easier to spot problems than it is to find solutions. Elite leaders ask themselves: “How can I improve the situation?” 

Most people hide from problems because they don’t want to disappoint someone they care about: parent, coach, boss, spouse, etc. The fear of letting others down is hard to handle.

What if we decided to create an environment that leaned into problems? What if we stated upfront: “there are going to be issues? Big issues. We expect and even welcome those challenges”

Would this approach empower others to move toward, instead of away, from issues?

It’s important to reflect on how we are reacting to bad news. When someone presents us with an issue, how do we respond? Huffing and puffing? Throwing our head on the desk? Or is it more subtle like bad body language, or a short cunning response?

Are we creating the psychological safety required for growth and improvement?

Man in the Mirror:

As the great artist Michael Jackson once said, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.”

I’ve run from confrontation.

I’ve reacted poorly when others have brought inevitable issues my way.

I’ve avoided addressing credit card bills.

I’ve waited until tomorrow on tasks needed to be completed today.

I’m as guilty as anyone. 
Here’s the thing….avoiding only makes problems worse.

As we charge into a new year I plan on running toward issues and not avoiding them. I plan on creating an environment of trust, where problems and failures are expected and dealt with immediately. 

Within a short period of time I heard three powerful stories of successful people and organizations that embrace confrontation. 

Do you need to be more proactive in addressing issues in your personal life?

Can you inspire action in others by being empathetic when they face adversity? 

Happy New Year- Let’s run toward the challenges 2021 will present!

Mike 
P.S. I was a guest on Joe Ferraro’s terrific 1% Better Podcast this week. Here are two links:

Audio:

Video

/0 Comments/by
, , , , ,

Victim or Thriver: We Always Have a Choice

(This article was originally released in June 2019)

“Call it both ways!” “Those referees are cheating us!” “You are the worst, Blue!”

How many times have you heard (or said) these phrases at a game? I get to see a lot of amateur sporting events and I am still amazed at the frequency of disparaging comments made at officials by fans, coaches and even players.  It’s appalling behavior simply because it’s no way to treat another person. There is, however, an underlying reason why I am so put off by these comments. The reason came to light after reading, “The Choice: Embrace the Possible,” by Dr. Edith Eva Eger.

Obviously, I love sports and the life lessons they teach.  Not all teaching is positive. If we are not aware of our actions and behaviors the results are damaging.  Frequently, comments are made about how a team “gets all the calls.” Or we’ll speak of an assumed advantage another organization possesses that makes them successful.  As fans or participants we rarely give credit for excellence. It has to be something external; something beyond our control. It can never be the opposition was simply better.

A Victim or Thriver:

“A good definition of being a victim is when you keep the focus outside of yourself, when you look outside yourself for someone to blame for your present circumstances, or to determine your purpose, fate or worth.” – Dr. Eger

If you play competitive sports I guarantee you will be victimized. Someone will do you wrong – an official will blow a call, a teammate will not pass you the ball, an opponent will perform an illegal act or your coach will not utilize your talent properly.  These things are not your fault; however, how you choose to respond to these events will determine whether you become a victim or a thriver.

A victim sees these circumstances as an injustice.  He develops a pessimistic mindset. He feels he has no control over the situation so he stops trying.  Instead of looking inward, the victim will look outside himself for the answer. The victim spends his time blaming and complaining which quickly turns to self-loathing.

A thriver, on the other hand, acknowledges that he has been wronged, but he takes responsibility for his hardship and healing. The thriver doesn’t place blame for the wrongdoing; instead, he begins the hard work necessary to move forward. The thriver moves toward the pain and understands it’s only temporary.  While the victims ask, “why me,” the thriver says, “what’s next.”

A Note to Parents:

Do we want our children to be victims or thrivers? I really believe we have the opportunity to shape their mindset in a positive way.

First, it starts with awareness.  We must realize that our words and actions are the foundation. Are we modeling behaviors like blaming the officials for our child’s lack of success?  Is it the coach’s fault? Are we inadvertently creating a victim?

Next, we have to understand that when our child is wronged, it is actually an OPPORTUNITY for them to grow.  The hardship they have been dealt can transform them to thrive; to be a person who overcomes obstacles, perseveres and develops grit. A football coach I highly respect told me parents should pray their kids are third string.  They’ll develop more life skills than the person that begins as a starter.

Lastly, we must fight the powerful urge to intervene and remove the obstacle.  Removal of our child’s pain point will feel good as a parent in the short-term. With enough work we can remove the bully from their group, get their coach fired, have their teacher reprimanded, get them on the all-star team. But are we really helping them?  Or are we actually developing a victim?

The Sports and Life Parallel:

Just like we will eventually be wronged in sports, in life, there will be times when we are victimized but that doesn’t mean we are victims. We’ll experience a bad boss; we’ll be passed over for a promotion; factors outside of our control will lead to suffering. Worse yet, illness to ourselves and love ones will eventually strike.  How we choose to respond to these events are within our control.

Dr. Eger writes, “suffering is inevitable and universal – how we respond to suffering differs.”   This week, I will be intentional with my words and actions with my children and those around me to instill values of choice.  I will choose to thrive and not be a victim.

/0 Comments/by
, , , , ,

Conor McGregor, Coach K, and Confidence


Webinar Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Before we get into this week’s article I wanted to invite you to a webinar discussing my new on-line course: Creating Culture. Joe Ferraro host of the 1% Better Podcast will be joining me for a conversation on culture, change and high-performing organizations. Here is the link. I hope to see you there!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Is there any better environment to test confidence than a UFC fight? 

Can you imagine standing outside of a dressing room waiting for the fight? Then walking down the aisle in front of thousands of live fans and millions watching on TV.  Waiting in the ring is a person highly trained in the art of doing physical damage. 

Did I mention you are doing this while wearing basically your underwear?   

You’d learn pretty quickly whether or not you were confident.  Don’t you think? 

Confidence is an amazing phenomenon.  Most will agree that to perform at a high level confidence is a must.  Recently, I went down a rabbit hole pondering this elusive trait. 

From the Dictionary

To help, I turned to the Merriam-Webster on-line dictionary. Confidence is “having or showing assurance and self-reliance; full of conviction.”  Needing more clarity I looked further into assurance, “freedom from self-doubt or uncertainty” and conviction, “a strong persuasion or belief.”

Get in the Arena

How does one become confident?  It’s important to understand we’ll never know our confidence level until we are in a high stakes environment: a big game, job interview, first date, a performance, standing over a four foot putt, speaking in public….a UFC fight.  It’s easy to believe we have assurance in times of comfort.  It’s when the pressure dials up where our conviction is tested. 

Can it be inherited? 

Earlier this month, I tuned into Duke Basketball’s press conference following their loss against Illinois.  Duke is a national power, but they experienced back-to-back losses.  Coach Krzyzewski’s team is young and struggling with confidence.  “This is a learned experience.  This is not inherited wealth. You have to earn that with a new group.” 

Coach K has made it clear that the past success of their program doesn’t create confidence for the present team.  Confidence is developed with hard work, struggle, perseverance, and ultimately triumph. 

The process cannot be cheated. 

Conor McGregor’s Walkout:

I showed our team this video of Connor McGregor walking into the ring.  Here were the observations:

“He’s calm but alert.”

“He’s using his body: chest is out and eyes forward.”

“He’s weird and unusual”- Joe Rogan

“He owns the ring when he climbs through the ropes.”

 “He’s won the fight in his mind.  There’s no doubt.”

To me, this is a 3:00 minute clip of what confidence looks like.  He’s walking into the ring against a highly skilled fighter.  He’s putting it all on the line.  He’s earned the right to believe. 

Three Confidence To Do’s:

Coach K taught us that confidence can’t be inherited.  So, here are a few things to consider to become confident:

  1. Do the Work: Nothing can replace ridiculous hard work.  There’s no way McGregor could enter the ring free of doubt if his training wasn’t thorough.  No amount of showmanship can deliver results.  The plan and process must be there.
  2. Do something Hard: We are in the middle of a pandemic.  There are constraints on just about anything we do. For some athletes, training facilities are closed or heavily restricted. It’s easy to throw in the towel. I believe this is an opportunity to do something hard.  Go run a hill.  Dribble in the snow.  Get up early.  Making sacrifices and doing things that make no sense to anyone but you is a pathway to confidence. 
  3. Do You: Rogan calls McGregor, “weird and unusual.”  How cool is that!  Being confident requires leaning into our authentic self.  Accepting and welcoming judgement and criticism are ways to combat being self-conscious.  Who cares what others think?

Final Thought

“You need to know you’ve done everything possible for this moment.  You will not quit on yourself.  You’ve been in difficult situations and overcame them.”- Forrest Griffin, UFC Vice President of Athlete Development, on what it takes to have confidence on fight night.

I’ll never be in a UFC bout; I doubt you will either.  We will, however, have moments where confidence is needed.

Reflect on what we know about confidence. It takes assurance- being absent of self-doubt.  It requires the conviction knowing you will get the job done.

Remember that confidence can’t be inherited. It takes work, sacrifice, and understanding that your self-worth will not be defined by an event.

What if the next time we ran a meeting, entered a classroom, made the sales pitch- we visualized standing outside of a dressing room. We imagined there was a crowd and our competition was fierce (you can be fully dressed for this exercise).

What if we decided to do everything in our power to make that event a success?

Would our preparation look different than usual? 

That’s how we gain confidence- through hard work, perseverance and being authentic.  Not some shortcut.   

Question for Coaches/Leaders?

How can you foster environments that breed confidence?

/0 Comments/by
, , , , , ,

Leading Through Change

My relationship with change is complicated.  I get anxious considering the uncomfortable steps it requires; however, I’m attracted to the new possibilities it creates: better health, a new look, a change of scenery, and different responsibilities.  The thought of change causes fright. The notion of a mundane life repulses. 

When it impacts only myself, I’ve gotten better with change.  When considering the impact on those I love, it has become harder.  While the excitement of something new fires me up, it also leaves me feeling selfish.

I told you, it’s complicated. 

Connecting on Three Levels:

Recently, I attended a virtual conference focused on high-performance in sports.  There were fascinating speakers from the Premier League, NBA and the NHL. Who would have thought the presenter who impacted me the most would come from the luxury fashion industry?

Kim Wylie is the global director of people development and change at Farfetch.  According to Wylie, a leader must connect on three levels to produce lasting change.

  1. The Head-Rational Connection: How does it connect with the big picture? When discussing change leaders should explain how the change is affecting the larger operation. People need to know they are making contributions to something larger than themselves. When a leader asks an individual to change, it’s critical to articulate the impact it will create. 
  2. The Heart-Emotional Connection: What’s in it for them? Wylie contends that this is the hardest level of connection but the most important.  Leaders must work to make others feel a part of the change and allow them to shape the transition. Allowing individuals to own their new role enhances buy-in. 
  3. The Feet-Behavioral Connection: What support can you provide? A powerful example of this comes from the Brooklyn Nets.  Their General Manager, Steve Marks, understands how a new job impacts the entire family. The Nets work to ensure a smooth transition by providing lists of schools and daycares.  They realize transition can place a tremendous burden on families. The organization acknowledges this and has a process to assist. 

Final Thought:

If I wasn’t a believer before, 2020 has made it crystal clear: change is a part of life; whether I like it or not. Change is often positive, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary. 

My guess is like me, you believe change is both unavoidable and necessary.  While this is true, we have to remember that not everyone feels this way.  We can’t dismiss people’s feelings with “stay positive” or “you should be thankful you still have a job.” Worse yet, we can’t assume our loved ones should simply adapt when asked to move to a new city, change schools and leave behind old friends. 

Investing the energy to listen and have a deep conversation is powerful.  Connecting on different levels: rational, emotional and behavioral- will help the process.  In these times of uncertainty going above and beyond to provide some level of certainty is not only necessary; it’s just the right thing to do.

Change is coming. The effective leader of the next decade will do more than just demand compliance.  They’ll be intentional about developing a culture filled with processes ensuring smooth and effective transitions. 

Question for the Week:

What are ways you can provide a level of certainty in these uncertain times? 

Upcoming Webinar:

On Wednesday, January 6th there will be a webinar discussing my new on-line course: Creating Culture.  Joe Ferraro host of the 1% Better Podcast will be joining me for a conversation on culture, change and high-performing organizations.  Here’s the link.  It would be great if you could attend. 

/0 Comments/by