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Old School, New School or Hybrid

Matt Talarico, is a coordinator for the New York Yankees. He is an industry leader in base running.  Years of studying the craft of stealing bases has led Matt to a system that has produced results.  There are three styles in his system: Old School, New School and Hybrid.
 
Old School: The old-school system was developed from years of studying baseball’s great base stealers: Ricky Henderson, Vince Coleman, Lou Brock and Tim Raines – just to name a few.  The old-school technique relies on getting a standard lead, getting a good jump and using your speed to steal bases.  This method has been effective and has produced prolific results.
 
New School: The new-school system is based on momentum.  The runner is asked to start with a smaller lead and quietly extend their lead as the pitcher releases the ball.  “Tally” uses the reference of a parked car at a stop light vs. a car that has momentum as it approaches the light.  The car that has momentum is able to get a better start than its fixed counterpart.  This approach is different and can seem risky to those who teach only the old-school technique.
 
Hybrid: Matt’s hybrid system blends the two approaches to make the most effective base stealer.  The idea is to put continuous pressure on the defense.  By paying respect to history while also developing other techniques, the base runner is able to be a constant threat.
 
Old School vs. New School:
The present state of baseball is amazing.  For years, baseball relied on non-objective information when teaching and evaluating talent.  “He really hits it hard.”  “His fastball gets on you.”  “That is a sharp breaking ball.”  Now, measures such as exit velocity and spin rate can help quantify these opinions.  Many things are being challenged from the best way to optimize the batting order to defensive positioning (aka “The Shift”).   
 
The stereotypical old-school coach feels threatened by these measures.  People are trying to “reinvent the game” they will say.  Some even feel the game is being ruined by data and technology.
 
On the other end of the spectrum is the baseball person that relies solely on new-school approaches.  This person either disregards or doesn’t respect the lessons and history of the game.  They believe that data and technology are much more important than the human element.
 
Hybrid:
I believe the elite coach or baseball administrator of the future is the person who understands the history.  They possess the social agility to connect with people from all edges of the earth. The elite coach will be curious and constantly seeking ways to improve the organization’s performance, while also being acutely aware that the game is played by humans.  This person has an understanding that the world is constantly evolving.  To stay the same is impossible, you’ll either adapt or fall behind.
 
The future elite coach will be a beautiful compliment of old school and new school philosophies.
 
Real World Application:
As I travel and connect with organizations, one of the biggest challenges I witness is the Old School vs. New School approach.  The more seasoned managers, partners and employees tend to value: hard work, dressing professionally, phone conversations over email or text, structured compensation packages, and long hours.  The Old School was taught and rewarded for this type of work ethic.  They believe everyone should put forth time and effort.
 
The folks entering the workforce tend to have a different approach.  Many prefer more of a work/life balance, flexible hours, incentive based pay and promotion structure, and they communicate via technology (text, email, twitter).  The New School workforce pushes the envelope and they want to find the quickest and most efficient way to get a job done.
 
The Competitive Advantage:
If you or your organization is experiencing this rub, you are far from alone.  While most organizations spend time complaining about the issue it’s time to challenge yourself to be different.  The old school values will always have a place in winning organizations. 
 
On the other hand, you can’t “hack” the system; the work needs to be done.  Standards need maintained with high level accountability. With that being said, the new school approach will keep your organization moving forward.  The hunger to learn new data points and technology can be critical.
 
Just like in baseball, the elite leader of the future will pay homage to the past while seeking new and better ways of doing business or leading a classroom.  They will have the ability to be a connector; being able to relate and pull together the unique skills of a diverse workforce.
 
Leadership Challenge:
Deep self-evaluation is critical.  Before we can lead others, we need to understand our beliefs and biases.  Take a moment and reflect on these questions:

  1.  Is your default setting more Old School or New School?
  2.  If you’re Old School, how can you become more open to change and technology?  What are you potentially missing out on?
  3.  If you are New School, what can you learn from the history of your industry?  How are you  limiting your growth potential?
  4.  In what ways can you connect those you lead who have different default settings?    Reimagine ways to bring folks together for the organization.
  5.  Are you surrounding yourself with people who share the same default setting?

To purchase Matt Talarico’s book, check out his website here: www.stealbases.com. Or, to chat about my personal philosophy, feel free to reach out.

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Culture Building and Our Best Self

Iowa St. is not a football power house. In the three seasons prior to Head Coach Matt Campbell’s arrival, their record was 8-28. Campbell’s first year in 2016 the Cyclones were 3-9. Since then, the program has been trending upward: 8-5; 8-5; 7-6. Currently they are 8-2, ranked #9 in the country, and are sitting atop the B12 standings. 

I’m sure Coach Campbell is a phenomenal football mind; however, smart football people are a dime a dozen. His success, in my opinion, is because he is a culture builder. 

The word culture makes people cringe. It has become a buzz word. Culture is not ping pong tables, bean bag chairs, and casual dress.  Building culture requires deep internal work, self-reflection, and is centered on developing championship behaviors in the people of the organization.

The Best Version of Ourselves:

Through observation, I believe Iowa State’s culture is the pursuit of being the best version of themselves. In the press conference following their big win over Texas, Campbell mentioned “the best version of ourselves” multiple times. Here are three quotes:

“And the greatest thing that has allowed this team, and really our staff and probably me in general, is to put ego away and really evaluate and try to figure out how do you chart a course to become the best version of yourself you can be. “

“And then how do we do a great job of giving this program consistency and the opportunity to become the best version of ourselves we can be?

“Well, I think I’d be really disappointed if we didn’t get on the plane, flush it, and enjoy the fact we were able to win, and then by tomorrow, be ready to sit back and dissect it. And say, Man, what didn’t we do well? What do we need to get better at? How do we continue to improve. So if we want to continue to grow and have a chance to be the best version of ourselves we can be and reach our full potential, then we’ll have to come back and take that same mindset.” 

Can Iowa St. compete year in and year out with the blue bloods of college football? Probably not. But….can they work relentlessly toward being the best version of themselves? Definitely.  

What do Indiana Baseball and Iowa St. Football have in common?

It’s amazing how things come full circle. This spring, Indiana University’s head baseball coach, Jeff Mercer, met with our team via Zoom. We asked him a question about how he handles players who are disappointed with their playing time. His answer was magnificent. “You have to have a goal outside of the result. Everyone in our program’s job is to be the best version of themselves. Whether you played in the game or not, the responsibility is to be the best version of yourself.”

Coach Mercer is an outstanding person, and Indiana baseball is a tremendous program. Iowa St, under Coach Campbell, is on the rise. Maybe there is something to building a culture based on the pursuit of being the best version of ourselves?
(At the bottom of this article are two videos from Campbell and Mercer. Tell me you wouldn’t want to play for these men.)

Final Thought:

It’s easy to say an organization’s success is due to luck. It’s also easy to recite perceived advantages. However, when studying high performing teams, I’m blown away by their intentional approach to culture building. 

To some, a phrase like “the best version of ourselves” is soft. It doesn’t focus on winning or championships. I would push back and say simply having a goal of winning is soft. There’s no substance behind it. Watch a little kid, they want to win, and if they don’t they pout. The same unproductive behavior is frequently found in organizations focusing exclusively on results. 

Consider the idea of being the best version of ourselves. It is a challenging but rewarding pursuit. It’s 100% completely within our control. Everyone has a different starting point in life and circumstances are different. The starting point has nothing to do with the ability to be our best selves. It’s far from soft. It takes away all excuses. There are no outside comparisons. No envy.

It’s simply a mission to show up for those we love in the best way possible. 

What if everyone in your organization owned that goal? 

Reflection Question:

Could you or your organization benefit from shifting the focus to being the best version of yourself? 

Big Announcement Next Week:

I’ve been working on creating a culture and leadership course. Check it out!

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Ten Lessons Learned From Villanova Basketball

(Article was originally released in December of 2018)

Last spring, the Villanova men’s basketball team blasted the University of Michigan 79-62 to win their second national title in three years.  During the net cutting ceremony, a reporter interviewed several of the Wildcat players.  This video, while long for some (7:53), is my favorite clip of 2018.  We get a raw peak at an elite culture.    

Here are my top ten takeaways from the video:
Villanova’s Championship Culture:
1.  Win with People: The players reference “the great group of guys” seven times in the clip.  The word “love” is mentioned three times.  Talent is important.  The blend of the right talent and great people creates champions.
2.  Gratitude is Present: The player’s easily and frequently used: “thank you,” “please,” and “sir.” You could feel their gratitude for being a part of something special.
3.  Defense Wins: Defense and rebounding was mentioned five times. Donte DiVincezo, the tournament MVP, scored 31 points in the game but his first comment was how he had to learn how to play the defensive side of the ball.  
4.  Face Adversity: You could tell individually and collectively the group faced challenges and obstacles.  Adversity will always be there.  It’s how groups choose to respond.  
5.  Role Players aren’t “Role Players”:  The second unit of Villanova didn’t just maintain, they brought energy and saw themselves as starters.  To win at the highest level, everyone must decide to dominate their role.  
6.  Selfless: I didn’t hear one person talk about themselves and they were quick to mention others.  In fact, you could sense the joy in their voices as they spoke of their teammates.  
7.  Winning is hard: “There was a lot of hard work and a lot of tough moments.  We’ve been coached and everyone stepped up.”  Everyone says they want to achieve at a high level.  Very few know just how much sacrifice goes into it.  
8.  Process not the result:  It is mentioned twice how they never focused on winning a championship or “blowing someone out.”  They did focus on playing hard, fast and together.  
9.  Internal Competition: One young man, mentions the battles every day in practice.  Championship programs are loaded with talented, tough and committed players.  If you want to win big, you better be ready to compete.
10.  It’s not about any one person: If you want to be a star and receive all the limelight, you probably should avoid a championship culture.  The system is the star.  You give up a lot as an individual for the ultimate jubilation of winning championships.  

Very rarely do you get a raw, unscripted video like this.  It shows the buy-in necessary to achieve elite level results.  Sure, this video and article have a slant toward basketball but many of these characteristics are found in high functioning organizations in every field.  Please feel free to get in touch if you’d like to discuss with me further!
This was my favorite video of 2018….a raw look at a championship culture

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Protecting the Culture, Second Chances and Empathy

As a collegiate baseball coach I work mainly with 18-22 year old males. As a former person in this demographic, I can assure you young adults do dumb things. Sometimes really dumb things. 
When incidents occur there is a great deal of frustration. There is often pressure to remove the athlete or to impose a strong punishment. If your punishment doesn’t please the masses you appear soft on discipline. Or, worse yet, accusations emerge claiming you only care about winning.

Here’s what people forget, we are dealing with human beings. A human being who, with the right guidance, can make the most of a second chance. It’s much easier to remove a person from the team or organization. Removal has the outward presence of being a disciplinarian or “tough on crime.” 

What’s worse? There will be times when you provide a second or fifth chance and you get burned. The critics are even louder when this occurs. 

I don’t know if it’s the holiday season or the crazy state of the world, but the importance of empathy keeps reappearing. Below are three stories with short videos centering around second chances and empathy. Click on the title to view the video.


1.    The Story of Caron Butler– Butler played 14 seasons in the NBA. Presently he is an assistant coach with the Miami Heat. His success almost never happened. Raised in Racine, WI- Caron was arrested 15 times before his 15th birthday. At the age of 14, he received a year-long sentence. Upon his release, he committed to turning his life around. Less than two years removed from incarceration, Butler’s house was raided by the police. They found crack cocaine and other drugs in an adjacent garage. There was enough evidence for lead officer, Rick Geller, to arrest Butler. If convicted he would have faced a minimum sentence of 10 years. Geller trusted his instincts- he noticed Butler was in complete disbelief. In an unbelievable display of empathy, Geller decided not to issue an arrest. He told Butler, “I hope I don’t regret this.” Geller has been proven right. Butler now owns multiple Burger King franchises, works to bridge the gap between police and communities, and is active in supporting at-risk youth. What if Geller would have decided to charge Butler on that fateful day?


2.    Nick Saban on Second Chances– In a press conference in 2014, Nick Saban delivered an epic rant concerning second chances. When players get in trouble he challenged conventional thinking on discipline. “Where do you want them to be? On the streets? Or here graduating?” He then references Mohsin “Moose” Muhammed who Saban coached at Michigan State. Muhammed was arrested for having a loaded gun, which was in violation of his probation from a previous charge. “Everybody in the school, every newspaper guy, everybody was killing the guy because he got in trouble and said he shouldn’t be on the football team.” After an amazing NFL career, Muhammed is a leader in business and the community. He is the President of M2 Foundation for kids, he and his wife have adopted two daughters from Ethiopia, and he is also the cofounder of a private equity firm. Saban ends the rant by saying, “So, who was right?”  


3.    Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care- this video always makes me pause. It shows how every person is facing their own challenges. It’s a great reminder for all of us to be more forgiving and understanding. 

Final Thought:

I get it. The stories above are isolated accounts. There are times when second chances do not work out. The leader is charged with upholding organizational standards . Despite their best efforts to serve the individual, there are behaviors that warrant removal. There isn’t always another chance.


I hope, however, that today’s article gives you the strength to make decisions based upon what you believe to be right, not because of public pressure. Showing support for a person when the rest of the world appears to be abandoning them is incredibly powerful. It’s something that person never forgets. We all need an encourager to stand with us. The critics will always be there….who cares about them.

We are working with sons and daughters, fathers and mothers. As leaders, it’s our job to fight for the culture of our organization. But, we must remember to do it in the most human way possible. 

I have made mistakes, received a break, and capitalized on the second chance. 

Can you recall a time when you made a mistake, could have been severely punished, and received forgiveness? 

There’s a good chance someone showed you empathy. Maybe you’ll have an opportunity to pay the same grace forward. 

**Special shout out to coach Adam Mosley of Hoover High School and coach Tom Marker of Olentangy Orange for sharing the Caron Butler video.**

Mushin Muhammad article

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Talent or Culture

Talent or Culture- “Collecting Talent or Building a Team”

It was a busy week in sports: NFL playoff’s beginning, college football bowl game recaps, free agency talk in baseball, and college basketball beginning to ramp up.  However, the lead story on most sport networks was the Pittsburgh Steelers whose season ended.  While most people were watching for the drama, my mind went to the ever present question of talent and culture. 

In case you missed it, the Steelers All-Pro wide-receiver Antonio Brown, missed the final game of the season for what was reported as a knee injury.  Information began to surface that there was more to the story.  Some sort of disagreement occurred on Wednesday at the teams practice between Brown and another player.  People are reporting the conflict was with future Hall of Fame quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger.  Brown’s growing frustration led him to missing practices and meetings for the remainder of the week.  In response, the Steelers suspended Brown for their season ending contest.    

That was the “Cliff’s Notes” version of the story.  I will also say, what is being reported is probably only 25% of the truth.  For this article the details of the drama are not the concern.  The Steelers with Brown, Roethlisberger, and running back Le’Veon Bell had three of the most talented football players in the world.  Most football experts would agree that the remainder of the Steelers roster was strong as well.  The team, however, was loaded with distractions from their top players. Despite a solid record (9-6-1) the team did not fulfill their potential.  Did the organization compromise talent for culture?

Talent and Culture:
Talent is critical.  In order to compete at the highest level, the physical and mental skills must be present.  We can’t trick ourselves into thinking a strong culture and poor talent can win championships.  A talented workforce is necessary for success. 

A strong culture is paramount for long-term achievement.  The organizations that are consistent year in and year out typically have elite cultures. Strong cultures possess clarity in their mission, understand and live their values, and have leaders that fight like crazy to maintain the organizational standards. 

I think we can all agree that having elite-level talent within a strong culture leads to incredible results. 

The Conflict:
What happens when the talent goes against the culture?  What happens when your highest producing employee’s behavior is not aligned with the culture’s values?  At what point is there a diminishing return? 

The team or organization needs special skills to succeed.  The talent is producing results.  What should the leader do? 

The situation above is maybe the most challenging dilemma a leader encounters.  Most leaders, myself included, have been blinded by talent.  Talent is easy to see– the results and production are right in front of your face.  Culture is more abstract; it’s tougher to quantify the damage being done when the talent is not aligned.  With talent, we know what we have and we know how well we’re performing.  What we don’t know is how much better (or worse) we’ll be without the talent even though we know it goes against our culture.  The fear of the unknown is crippling- it takes courage and faith in your culture to eliminate the problem.  

Let’s be honest, an extremely gifted person is going to get more opportunities and breaks than their less skilled colleague.  Talent is incredibly valuable; it comes with its perks.  The art of coaching and leadership is having the pulse of the organization to understand when the distractions are negatively affecting the organization.  Numbers and analytics are important, but the human side will always be present.    

Talent will produce short-term wins and gains.  An elite salesman will put up numbers and a special athlete will produce wins.  If the talent is in conflict with the organizational values, it will eventually lead to long term issues.  Another way to put it: talent is short-term and culture is long-term. 

Culture trumps any individual.  In fact, a strong culture lets organizations take risk on “edgier” talent because they know the group is powerful enough to handle it.  The individual will either get aligned with the culture or they will be removed.  That’s why you’ll see established cultures, like the New England Patriots, take chances on athletes with a negative history. 

The Dilemma:
One of the biggest challenges facing 21st Century leaders is the importance of delivering results immediately.  Coaches are under pressure to win now and business leaders are expected to produce numbers every quarter.  This often leads to short term solutions such as compromising the culture of the organization.  Now more than ever, we need courageous leaders who are willing to absorb short term blows in order to establish long term victories.    

Thoughts for Reflection:
In Michael Lombardi’s book, Gridiron Genius, he shares a Bill Belichick quote, “We are not collecting talent, we are building a team.”

Is your organization intentional about building culture and strong teams?  Have you ever been blinded by a “strong resume” instead of going with your gut and hiring the person who is the right fit for your culture?  Has the talent in your organization ever hurt the ultimate mission?    

This week, join me in fighting for the culture of our organizations.  Join me in being intentional about team building.  Let’s recognize a talented person and appreciate the value they bring.    However, let’s also understand that compromising culture will have long-term negative consequences. 

Final Note:

I have no idea how the Steelers should have handled their situation.  I’ve learned to not speculate on matters where I don’t have the details.  I will use the situation to help me clarify my thoughts and beliefs on the challenging dynamics leaders often face. 


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Fourth Quarter Mentality

In week 5 of the NFL season, the Seattle Seahawks found themselves trailing the Minnesota Vikings 13-0 at halftime. The Vikings controlled most of the game, having large advantages in total yards and time of possession.  Despite the early deficit and statistical discrepancy, quarterback Russell Wilson connected with DK Metcalf for the game winning touchdown with under two minutes to play.  Head Coach, Pete Carroll addressed the jubilant locker room following the hard fought 27-26 victory:

P.C. “ Can you win a game in the first quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the second quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the third quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the fourth quarter?”

Players: “Yes!!!!”

Here are four lessons I learned from the 69 year-old Carroll.

Four Lessons:

Lead Authentically: The “Can you win…” chant by Carroll is corny but it works.  Why? Because you can feel it; it’s Carroll being Carroll.  If the morose Bill Belichick were to attempt such a spectacle it would be cringe-worthy.  Both coaches are incredibly successful and they do it in completely different manners. The way a leader maximizes their effectiveness is by fully embracing who they are.  They are not afraid of other’s opinions, nor are they worried about looking silly.  I have a feeling Coach Carroll could care less whether we think he is goofy for leading the chant.  He’s confident in who he is as a person.

Lead with Joy: High performance sports are pressure packed.  Coaches know they are a bad season, or maybe even a few bad performances away, from being fired. As soon as the game ends many coaches feel relief, not happiness.  They lose sight of the present moment. The ‘Hawks didn’t play well against Minnesota.  Carroll could have ranted about all the improvement that was needed.  Instead, he decided to simply enjoy the win.  I’m sure he had concerns about the upcoming week, but those adjustments could wait.  It was time to celebrate.

Lead with Grit: The NFL season is grueling.  Competing against the best athletes and coaches on the planet, the margin for error is minute.  The Seahawks could have checked out mentally, took the loss, and started thinking about next week.  Carroll’s chant is a good reminder to hold the line; to stay in the fight.  There is always a chance if you are still at the table, but if you quit it is over. The willingness to keep competing and fighting even when the odds are stacked in the others favor, is the mark of a champion.  And, a victory earned through persistence feels just a touch sweeter.

Lead with Poise: I’m amazed in professional sports how often the outcome is determined late; innings 7-9 in baseball, the last five minutes in basketball, or the final drive in football.  Games ebb and flow; however, the last quarter of the game frequently determines the outcome. It’s the team that trusts their relationships and executes that emerges victorious.  High level leaders, like Carroll, are prepared for these moments of tension. They expect the outcome to hinge on a few key plays late in the contest and welcome those high-leverage situations.

The Fourth Quarter: We are in the fourth quarter of a grueling year; 2020 has been challenging.  I’m concerned that many people have already marked it in the loss column.  You can’t win the year in the first three quarters (January-September).  It is possible, however, to win in the fourth quarter  (October-December).

As leaders, we can learn a lot from Coach Pete. For the final stretch of 2020, what if we choose to lead authentically?  What if we approach our job and teammates with joy? What if we decide to charge forward and focus on execution?

Over the years, I’ve been in games were the situation looked bleak. On some occasions, our group stopped competing and took the whipping. I regret those games. But….there were those times were we decided to bite down- to keep fighting even though the odds seemed impossible to overcome. Those games are the memorable ones; regardless of the result.

Please join me in adopting a fourth quarter mentality.  Let’s not wish the final days away.  The game is still going on…we still have a chance.  We’ll never regret competing with a positive attitude and continuing to move forward. Let’s be thankful for this tough time knowing we will be stronger and more appreciative on the other side.

 

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Limiting Factors: What’s Holding You Back?

“There’s comfort in doubling down on proven process, regardless of their efficacy.  Few of us are criticized if we faithfully do what has worked many times before.  But feeling comfortable or dodging criticism should not be our measure of success.  There’s likely a place in paradise for people who tried hard, but what really matters is succeeding.  If that requires you to change, that’s your mission.” – General Stanley McChrystal- Team of Teams.

In 2003, General Stanley McChrystal was the commander of the Joint Special Operations Task Force in Iraq.  While his group and the allied forces had greater numbers, more advanced technology and training, they found themselves struggling to keep up with the enemy who was playing by a different set of rules.  The Al-Qaeda in Iraq were giving allied forces problems: they moved quickly and were vicious by nature.

It was a different type of war than we’ve seen before.  The strength of our military was size, strength, technology and discipline.  In this war, our greatest strengths became our biggest limiting factors (limfacs).  We were slow to adapt and change to the settings.  Our “top down” command wasn’t working – the enemy moved too quickly.  McChrystal and his troops had to adapt or risk defeat.  McChrystal, in his book Team of Teams, does a great job of describing how they moved from a hierarchical structure to a more decentralized decision making organization.  They adapted and overcame the enemy.

What are Limiting Factors (Limfacs)?
Limfacs are the things that at one time made us successful but now they are actually hurting our development.  Limfacs are hard for most of us to see; we tend to put blinders on to things that have produced good results in the past.  It takes courage, self-awareness, and confidence to break our previous patterns.  While difficult, it’s critical that we recognize and act upon our limiting factors.

What’s your limfac?  In coaching, maybe your intense focusing on details has made your teams strong.  However, this focus has made your club rigid and lacking the skills to adapt to the moment.

As a business leader you are strong and a bold decision maker.  People within the organization look to you to make the tough calls.  However, you are starting to see others are afraid to think for themselves and their creativity is being stifled.

How about a teacher?  You’ve been educating for 20+ years with tons of success.  Recently, you’ve noticed the kids are not responding to your old ways of disseminating information.  What do you do?

My Limfac
Do you know what my limfac is?  It’s playing it safe and small.  Most people that are close to me would describe me as humble and thoughtful.  That sounds great, but if I am being honest I use my humility to protect myself.  I like to be liked.  This line of thinking has served me well over the years.  I never want to abandon my natural spirit; however, I do realize it limits me as a parent, coach, leader and entrepreneur.

My “One Word” for 2019 is growth.  I will have the courage to continue to grow outside of my comfort zone in all areas of my life.  I realize that this may make some people uncomfortable.  Playing it safe has done me well; however, it is time for me to grow.  I hope you support me in my mission.

Action Step:
Do you have the courage to do the hard work and examine your limfac?  It’s extremely hard, I know.  This week, spend some time in reflection.  What is stopping you from going to the next level.  Please do not blame external factors; the circumstances in your life are often excuses.  There’s something that is holding you back.  I challenge you look within, acknowledge the limfac, and resolve to make the necessary change.

Join me in the never ending journey of self-improvement!

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Fear of Missing Out and Fear of Other People’s Opinions

On the road to leading a meaningful life you can encounter two types of fear: The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and the Fear of Other People’s Opinions (FOPO).

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):
To pursue the uncommon, sacrifice accompanies the journey.  The high school student who gets outstanding grades has to study while others “hang out.”  The committed athlete has to get up early and train while her friends stay out late and sleep in.  The medical student continues education for years without pay while her peers are earning a living.  The ambitious new employee has to work during the holidays while family and friends gather to celebrate.  When deciding to get on the path of pursuing greatness “missing out” can become crippling.

Fear of Other People’s Opinion (FOPO):
The barrier that stops most people from living the life they want is the fear of other people’s opinions.  A child doesn’t want to play baseball anymore but is afraid of what his parents will think if he tells them.  A teenager wants to raise her hand in class but she is afraid to “look stupid” in front of her classmates.  The college student has a passion for teaching but the family expectation is to go to law school.  You want to get on the dance floor and break it down at a wedding but you worry about what others will think.  FOPO robs us of happiness, joy and growth.

The Cost:
If we develop the courage to chase our dreams, we will have to miss out on events and we will be judged by others.  However, what’s more concerning, is the price we pay for playing it safe and small, and allowing FOMO and FOPO to stop us from living our best lives.  The committed athlete, can choose to attend the big party; however, the cost will be never knowing the thrill of competing on the highest stage.  The rising sales person can choose to take a day off to attend a friend’s birthday weekend in Vegas, but he may never get the bonus and promotion that accompanies the hard work.  The path to greatness is littered with obstacles.  We can’t allow FOMO and FOPO to win.

A Quick Story:
Our daughter, Elizabeth, had her 7th birthday party at the ice-skating rink.  There were over 20 kids present plus some of their parents.  I haven’t skated since I was 11 or 12 years old.  My wife thought it would be best if we had an adult on the ice with the kids.  In full transparency, FOPO started kicking in.  I didn’t want to be the “big goof” on skates that was embarrassing to my kids and myself.  It had to be done, so I hopped on the ice.

After hanging on to the boards for the first 5 minutes, I started getting the hang of it.  I fell three times (once really hard….I’m still feeling the effects).  However, it ended up being an absolute blast. I felt childlike – chasing the kids around, slamming into the boards like Tom Wilson, and holding the hands of kids who struggled.  I smiled and laughed for the entire party.

The ice-skating episode got me thinking, “How many amazing things have I missed out on because of the fear of other people’s opinions?”

Four Things I’ve Learned:

  1. Those that truly love me and want what’s best for me understand there are times I have to miss events to chase my dreams.  Yes, that means the “big stuff” like birthdays and weddings.
  2. The present moment is all we have.  So, instead of focusing on what I am missing, I focus on “being where my feet are.”  I attempt to make the present experience a powerful one.
  3. My leadership and self-satisfaction have increased tremendously since I stopped worrying about others’ opinions. I’ve adopted the motto, “I respectfully don’t care what you think.”
  4. EVERYONE wrestles with FOMO and FOPO.  The best keep moving forward despite their fears.

Final Thoughts:
How many times have you missed out on a big opportunity because you had a fear of missing out?  Have you ever let other people’s opinions limit you?

The challenge this week is to be highly in tune with FOMO and FOPO.  Develop the awareness to realize when you are limiting yourself due to these crippling fears.  Remember, playing it safe and allowing fear to win will feel comfortable in the short term; however, the long-term damage will be severe.  Let’s stop letting FOMO and FOPO rob us of becoming our best selves.

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Stay Classy: Life Lessons Learned From a Non Drafted Player

Every now and then, sports provide special moments.  Friday night was one of those times. I was glued to the TV- the Lakers and Heat were engaged in an epic battle of wills.  And, the Tampa Bay Rays and NY Yankees were competing in a series deciding game.

In the 8th inning of a 1-1 tie Mike Brosseau, a non drafted player, stepped to the plate against one of the best closers in the last decade, Aroldis Chapman.  Brosseau quickly found himself down 0-2.  He battled his way back.  Around pitch 7 of the AB, I sat up in bed and told my wife, “we are watching something special.”  On the 10th pitch Brosseau put a beautiful swing on a fastball down in the zone and it went out to left centerfield.  The unheralded player’s home run proved to be the difference in the series clinching game.

If that’s not enough theatre, let’s rewind to September 1 when Chapman threw a 101mph fastball over Brosseau’s head.  The benches cleared that day.  There was a noticeable tension between the two teams. The day after being knocked down by Chapman, Brosseau hit two home runs helping the Rays strengthen their lead in the AL East.

Immediately after the game, a microphone was in Brosseau’s face.  The team was celebrating and  emotions where high when he was asked about revenge.  “How does it feel to hit a home run after nearly being beamed in September.”  Brosseau stated how that was all in the past; there was no revenge.  He was just enjoying the moment with his teammates.  Actually, he went out of his way to praise the Yankees, their pitching staff and Chapman.

I don’t know Mike Brosseau but I have become a huge fan of his. His reactions, and especially his teammates reactions about him, make me think he is a special person.  Here’s a few things I reflected upon following his big moment.

 

  1. Take the high road- Many people thought he should be thrilled to “stick it to” a player who took a shot at him. Really what good would that do?  The damage was done.  His positive comments about the foe were refreshing and endearing.

Could you look for an opportunity to take the high road this week?

 

  1. Find a way to add value: I failed to mention that Brosseau did not start Game 5; he came off the bench. When asked earlier in the season about being a role player he mentioned the importance of being versatile and being ready to lean into his strengths when given an opportunity.  He also stated how great it is to be able to add value to a special group like the Rays.

Is there a way to add more value to your family, friends and teams this week?

 

  1. You belong: Brosseau was a lightly recruited high school player who wasn’t drafted out of high school. He did not have the pedigree (or signing bonus) of many professional players. But he’s earned the right to be on the same team with some of the most talented players in the world. He’s a big leaguer, just like everyone else in the show.

Do you wrestle with imposter syndrome? Whatever conversation or room you find yourself in this week, realize you belong!

I feel lucky to have watched Game 5 on Friday.  The game was played wonderfully- both teams gave fans a treat.  I’m really glad to have witnessed Brosseau’s home run and more importantly be introduced to his compassion and humility.

 

Make it a great week!

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