| The COVID-19 situation threw us a curveball. Life’s typical fast pace has been disrupted for many. Over the last two months I’ve had a wide range of conversations- from our student-athletes to experts in various fields. Incredibly, or maybe not so incredibly, people are experiencing similar pain points. Below are some common words and phrases that have been used to capture the challenges we are facing. In addition, I share my thoughts- after the numerous conversations- on how to cope and even thrive during this pandemic. Struggle #1 Uncertainty: Will schools open in the fall? Am I going to be employed at the end of the month? When will I be able to see my friends, kids, or grandchildren again? Will sports return? Will life ever be normal? Positive Thought: The present challenge is to accept the uncertainty. Spending too much time thinking about the future is dangerous; spending too much time revisiting the past is equally damaging. My conversations have led me to double down on present moment focus. In addition, the sports saying of “control what you can control” has never been more relevant. Making a list of the things we still have control over can be beneficial. Struggle #2 Guilt: Is it ok to enjoy this time? While this is an extremely difficult time with loss of life, jobs, and businesses suffering- many people have mentioned they’ve enjoyed certain aspects. This has led to powerful feelings of guilt. Positive Thought: Enjoying parts of this time and also being compassionate to the situation are not mutually exclusive. Self-compassion is necessary. It’s ok to have mixed feelings; it’s part of being human. This doesn’t have to be an “either/or” situation. It is possible to have compassion and empathy to the struggle while also finding joy in other areas. Those feelings are normal and healthy. Struggle #3 Loss of Structure: The heavily structured and programmed lives of many have been replaced with time and flexibility. Several conversations stemmed around having the ability to delay work in the present because procrastination was an option. “I’ll just do it later” has become a popular mantra. Positive Thought: Self-discipline is necessary. Freedom is powerful- embrace it. This is a great time to do inventory on what’s really important. Blocking of larger segments of time, (1-3 hours) for critical work is a highly effective approach. Struggle #4 Improvement with Constraints: “Failing to prepare now will cost you in the future.” This is a common phrase used by coaches and leaders to encourage action during this time. While the intention is fine, it has created anxiety in some: “how can I get better when I have limited resources?” Athletes are struggling to improve without access to gyms, facilities and coaches. “How can I put in a full day of work when all the kids are home and require attention?” These constraints are real. Positive Thought: First, forgive yourself. It’s tough to learn in stressful environments. If you are becoming a better daughter, son, mother, father, and friend during this time you are winning. In addition, focus on resourcefulness not resources. Hill sprints are a great way to improve speed and power- you don’t need a gym for that. YouTube is a great resource for “how to” videos. Books, articles, and podcast are still great sources of knowledge. When the time is right for you, there are countless ways to improve. Struggle #5 Connection: Social distancing has created a void in physical human connection. Face to face conversations, social dinners, parties, practices, spiritual gatherings and competitions are currently obsolete. The energy of human interaction is impossible to replace. Our days are now filled with Google Meets, Zoom calls, and other virtual interactions. Positive Thought: Technology has served us well during these tough times. I’ve had more than a few people mention how they have connected with friends and families more in the last few months than they had in years. Virtual happy hours and other get-togethers have helped reunite. Also, people are reporting deeper relationships with their immediate family during the pandemic; family dinners and game nights have been re-engaged. Keep searching for ways to connect. Conclusion: I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank all of the folks on the frontlines who are sacrificing daily. In addition, I’m thankful for decision makers who are wrestling with health issues, the economy and various other considerations. Political and business leaders are faced with really tough decisions. I hope we can all show compassion, kindness, empathy and come together during this difficult time. Make it a great week, Mike Have you experienced any of these struggles? Would you add any other challenges to the list? |
Recently, the universe has been attempting to get my attention. On three separate occasions I listened to experts in different fields discuss how they handle problems. While most people avoid conflict, these people recommended running toward issues:
- Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was on the Tim Ferris Podcast. During the conversation he mentioned how he never lets an issue fester. Instead, when he feels tension he immediately confronts. “I don’t like discourse and I am fearless in rooting it out and solving it. And if anyone is having a problem I’m going to walk right up to them and go, ‘Is there a problem? Let’s talk about this.’ Because I cannot stand this type of turmoil.” (Here’s a link to the entire thought provoking interview: Seinfeld/Ferris).
- During a virtual professional development event, I heard Piers Thynee and Mark Mathieson of McClaren Group discuss the fast paced world of Formula 1 racing. Their team was charged with increasing ventilation production from 50 a week to 200 a day in response to the pandemic. Needless to say, inevitable obstacles appeared. They credited moving toward the problems, instead of hiding, as a key to their successful execution.
- Current New Jersey Nets General Manager, Sean Marks, spent several years with the highly respected San Antonio Spurs. He noticed head coach Gregg Popovich was eager to engage in difficult conversations. “Pop would never shy away from a challenging conversation. He actually relished them.”
What can leaders do?
It is much easier to spot problems than it is to find solutions. Elite leaders ask themselves: “How can I improve the situation?”
Most people hide from problems because they don’t want to disappoint someone they care about: parent, coach, boss, spouse, etc. The fear of letting others down is hard to handle.
What if we decided to create an environment that leaned into problems? What if we stated upfront: “there are going to be issues? Big issues. We expect and even welcome those challenges”
Would this approach empower others to move toward, instead of away, from issues?
It’s important to reflect on how we are reacting to bad news. When someone presents us with an issue, how do we respond? Huffing and puffing? Throwing our head on the desk? Or is it more subtle like bad body language, or a short cunning response?
Are we creating the psychological safety required for growth and improvement?
Man in the Mirror:
As the great artist Michael Jackson once said, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.”
I’ve run from confrontation.
I’ve reacted poorly when others have brought inevitable issues my way.
I’ve avoided addressing credit card bills.
I’ve waited until tomorrow on tasks needed to be completed today.
I’m as guilty as anyone.
Here’s the thing….avoiding only makes problems worse.
As we charge into a new year I plan on running toward issues and not avoiding them. I plan on creating an environment of trust, where problems and failures are expected and dealt with immediately.
Within a short period of time I heard three powerful stories of successful people and organizations that embrace confrontation.
Do you need to be more proactive in addressing issues in your personal life?
Can you inspire action in others by being empathetic when they face adversity?
Happy New Year- Let’s run toward the challenges 2021 will present!
Mike
P.S. I was a guest on Joe Ferraro’s terrific 1% Better Podcast this week. Here are two links:
As a collegiate baseball coach I work mainly with 18-22 year old males. As a former person in this demographic, I can assure you young adults do dumb things. Sometimes really dumb things.
When incidents occur there is a great deal of frustration. There is often pressure to remove the athlete or to impose a strong punishment. If your punishment doesn’t please the masses you appear soft on discipline. Or, worse yet, accusations emerge claiming you only care about winning.
Here’s what people forget, we are dealing with human beings. A human being who, with the right guidance, can make the most of a second chance. It’s much easier to remove a person from the team or organization. Removal has the outward presence of being a disciplinarian or “tough on crime.”
What’s worse? There will be times when you provide a second or fifth chance and you get burned. The critics are even louder when this occurs.
I don’t know if it’s the holiday season or the crazy state of the world, but the importance of empathy keeps reappearing. Below are three stories with short videos centering around second chances and empathy. Click on the title to view the video.
1. The Story of Caron Butler– Butler played 14 seasons in the NBA. Presently he is an assistant coach with the Miami Heat. His success almost never happened. Raised in Racine, WI- Caron was arrested 15 times before his 15th birthday. At the age of 14, he received a year-long sentence. Upon his release, he committed to turning his life around. Less than two years removed from incarceration, Butler’s house was raided by the police. They found crack cocaine and other drugs in an adjacent garage. There was enough evidence for lead officer, Rick Geller, to arrest Butler. If convicted he would have faced a minimum sentence of 10 years. Geller trusted his instincts- he noticed Butler was in complete disbelief. In an unbelievable display of empathy, Geller decided not to issue an arrest. He told Butler, “I hope I don’t regret this.” Geller has been proven right. Butler now owns multiple Burger King franchises, works to bridge the gap between police and communities, and is active in supporting at-risk youth. What if Geller would have decided to charge Butler on that fateful day?
2. Nick Saban on Second Chances– In a press conference in 2014, Nick Saban delivered an epic rant concerning second chances. When players get in trouble he challenged conventional thinking on discipline. “Where do you want them to be? On the streets? Or here graduating?” He then references Mohsin “Moose” Muhammed who Saban coached at Michigan State. Muhammed was arrested for having a loaded gun, which was in violation of his probation from a previous charge. “Everybody in the school, every newspaper guy, everybody was killing the guy because he got in trouble and said he shouldn’t be on the football team.” After an amazing NFL career, Muhammed is a leader in business and the community. He is the President of M2 Foundation for kids, he and his wife have adopted two daughters from Ethiopia, and he is also the cofounder of a private equity firm. Saban ends the rant by saying, “So, who was right?”
3. Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care- this video always makes me pause. It shows how every person is facing their own challenges. It’s a great reminder for all of us to be more forgiving and understanding.
Final Thought:
I get it. The stories above are isolated accounts. There are times when second chances do not work out. The leader is charged with upholding organizational standards . Despite their best efforts to serve the individual, there are behaviors that warrant removal. There isn’t always another chance.
I hope, however, that today’s article gives you the strength to make decisions based upon what you believe to be right, not because of public pressure. Showing support for a person when the rest of the world appears to be abandoning them is incredibly powerful. It’s something that person never forgets. We all need an encourager to stand with us. The critics will always be there….who cares about them.
We are working with sons and daughters, fathers and mothers. As leaders, it’s our job to fight for the culture of our organization. But, we must remember to do it in the most human way possible.
I have made mistakes, received a break, and capitalized on the second chance.
Can you recall a time when you made a mistake, could have been severely punished, and received forgiveness?
There’s a good chance someone showed you empathy. Maybe you’ll have an opportunity to pay the same grace forward.
**Special shout out to coach Adam Mosley of Hoover High School and coach Tom Marker of Olentangy Orange for sharing the Caron Butler video.**