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My Five Year Posting Anniversary

I wrote my first article Thanksgiving week, 2014.  Over these five years I’ve written between 140-165 articles.  My first year writing I posted on WordPress and I don’t know how many I wrote that year; therefore my count is bit vague.  I switched to Mailchimp in 2015 and have produced 139 articles over a four year span.  So, I’ve averaged somewhere between 28-33 articles a year.  If I were to guess the average length of each piece was between 800-900 words.  That means I’ve written and shared roughly 131,750 words! 
 
In celebration of the 5-Year Anniversary I wanted to share the random things I’ve learned: 

  • There are critics and performers in life- I want to perform and not criticize.
  • Taking risks is dangerous.
  • Playing it safe and small is deadly.
  • Your kids are more likely to become what you do, not what you say- model well.
  • Drive fast, take chances- you only live once. 
  • Your “voice” is the most important thing as a writer. 
  • The quicker you realize that internal success trumps external success the better.
  • Take care of your spouse first, your kids second.    
  • Minivans get a bad rap; if you have more than two kids buy one.
  • Make your present job the big time. 
  • Being able to self-reflect and evaluate is incredibly hard for most people.
  • Those who can self-reflect and evaluate possess a tremendous competitive advantage over those who can’t.
  • Sharing my thoughts has increased my accountability. 
  • Authenticity and vulnerability are attractive personality traits. 
  • Being physically present with family isn’t as important as society makes it out to be.
  • Being mentally present when you are with family is more important than society makes it out to be. 
  • Competitive sports are one of the last “no spin zones”: stewards of the game must fight to uphold this. 
  • A high performing team will beat a high performing individual.
  • Being a part of a team requires sacrificing a little of your individuality.
  • That sacrifice is totally worth it. 
  • We tend to exaggerate our hardships and minimize others.   
  • Culture is important but so is talent.
  • Leadership is important but so is “followership.” 
  • People want to help; have the courage to ask. 
  • If you aren’t curious it’s impossible to grow.
  • If you aren’t growing you are going to get run over.
  • Data and technology are here to stay but it will never replace human connection.
  • Haters are going to hate.
  • If you are looking for quick fixes you’ll be searching for a long time. 
  • Poor diet and lack of exercise manifest physically as you advance in age.
  • The older generation always has, and still continues to be disappointed in the younger generation.  
  • It’s time for the older generation to get over it.
  • Always leave it better than you found it.   
  • Detaching emotionally is important in successful decision making. 
  • Detaching emotionally from decision making can make detaching emotionally from family and friends more likely.  Be careful. 
  • Stop saying, “I’m old.” You are never old unless you want to be. 
  • When hiring read the candidates thank you note to the secretary and not the boss.
  • Defense wins championships. 
  • However, offense gets your name in the paper. 
  • Being busy is a choice. 
  • Carving out time to think, reflect, and create is worth the investment. 
  • You are not as important as you think…enjoy yourself. 
  • Kids haven’t changed, but adults have.
  • A funeral can be enjoyable- a life-well lived is inspiring. 
  • Timing and luck do matter.
  • The harder and smarter you work the odds of experiencing positive timing and luck increase.
  • Racism still exists and I can’t for the life of me understand why. 
  • If you are feeling down do something for someone else.
  • When your playing career concludes it will be better to be known as an unreal teammate than an unreal talent.
  • It won’t mean a thing if you didn’t earn it. 
  • If you would want it for your kids you ought to do it for yourself. 
  • There’s nothing like being a part of something bigger than yourself.

 
A sincere thank you for accompanying me on this journey.  The relationships and connections I’ve made or enhanced via this newsletter is incredibly full-filling.  Your patience and guidance is greatly appreciated. 
 
I’m just getting started, friends.  I look forward to growing and improving in the next five years.

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Fourth Quarter Mentality

In week 5 of the NFL season, the Seattle Seahawks found themselves trailing the Minnesota Vikings 13-0 at halftime. The Vikings controlled most of the game, having large advantages in total yards and time of possession.  Despite the early deficit and statistical discrepancy, quarterback Russell Wilson connected with DK Metcalf for the game winning touchdown with under two minutes to play.  Head Coach, Pete Carroll addressed the jubilant locker room following the hard fought 27-26 victory:

P.C. “ Can you win a game in the first quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the second quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the third quarter?”

Players: “No!”

P.C. “Can you win a game in the fourth quarter?”

Players: “Yes!!!!”

Here are four lessons I learned from the 69 year-old Carroll.

Four Lessons:

Lead Authentically: The “Can you win…” chant by Carroll is corny but it works.  Why? Because you can feel it; it’s Carroll being Carroll.  If the morose Bill Belichick were to attempt such a spectacle it would be cringe-worthy.  Both coaches are incredibly successful and they do it in completely different manners. The way a leader maximizes their effectiveness is by fully embracing who they are.  They are not afraid of other’s opinions, nor are they worried about looking silly.  I have a feeling Coach Carroll could care less whether we think he is goofy for leading the chant.  He’s confident in who he is as a person.

Lead with Joy: High performance sports are pressure packed.  Coaches know they are a bad season, or maybe even a few bad performances away, from being fired. As soon as the game ends many coaches feel relief, not happiness.  They lose sight of the present moment. The ‘Hawks didn’t play well against Minnesota.  Carroll could have ranted about all the improvement that was needed.  Instead, he decided to simply enjoy the win.  I’m sure he had concerns about the upcoming week, but those adjustments could wait.  It was time to celebrate.

Lead with Grit: The NFL season is grueling.  Competing against the best athletes and coaches on the planet, the margin for error is minute.  The Seahawks could have checked out mentally, took the loss, and started thinking about next week.  Carroll’s chant is a good reminder to hold the line; to stay in the fight.  There is always a chance if you are still at the table, but if you quit it is over. The willingness to keep competing and fighting even when the odds are stacked in the others favor, is the mark of a champion.  And, a victory earned through persistence feels just a touch sweeter.

Lead with Poise: I’m amazed in professional sports how often the outcome is determined late; innings 7-9 in baseball, the last five minutes in basketball, or the final drive in football.  Games ebb and flow; however, the last quarter of the game frequently determines the outcome. It’s the team that trusts their relationships and executes that emerges victorious.  High level leaders, like Carroll, are prepared for these moments of tension. They expect the outcome to hinge on a few key plays late in the contest and welcome those high-leverage situations.

The Fourth Quarter: We are in the fourth quarter of a grueling year; 2020 has been challenging.  I’m concerned that many people have already marked it in the loss column.  You can’t win the year in the first three quarters (January-September).  It is possible, however, to win in the fourth quarter  (October-December).

As leaders, we can learn a lot from Coach Pete. For the final stretch of 2020, what if we choose to lead authentically?  What if we approach our job and teammates with joy? What if we decide to charge forward and focus on execution?

Over the years, I’ve been in games were the situation looked bleak. On some occasions, our group stopped competing and took the whipping. I regret those games. But….there were those times were we decided to bite down- to keep fighting even though the odds seemed impossible to overcome. Those games are the memorable ones; regardless of the result.

Please join me in adopting a fourth quarter mentality.  Let’s not wish the final days away.  The game is still going on…we still have a chance.  We’ll never regret competing with a positive attitude and continuing to move forward. Let’s be thankful for this tough time knowing we will be stronger and more appreciative on the other side.

 

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Limiting Factors: What’s Holding You Back?

“There’s comfort in doubling down on proven process, regardless of their efficacy.  Few of us are criticized if we faithfully do what has worked many times before.  But feeling comfortable or dodging criticism should not be our measure of success.  There’s likely a place in paradise for people who tried hard, but what really matters is succeeding.  If that requires you to change, that’s your mission.” – General Stanley McChrystal- Team of Teams.

In 2003, General Stanley McChrystal was the commander of the Joint Special Operations Task Force in Iraq.  While his group and the allied forces had greater numbers, more advanced technology and training, they found themselves struggling to keep up with the enemy who was playing by a different set of rules.  The Al-Qaeda in Iraq were giving allied forces problems: they moved quickly and were vicious by nature.

It was a different type of war than we’ve seen before.  The strength of our military was size, strength, technology and discipline.  In this war, our greatest strengths became our biggest limiting factors (limfacs).  We were slow to adapt and change to the settings.  Our “top down” command wasn’t working – the enemy moved too quickly.  McChrystal and his troops had to adapt or risk defeat.  McChrystal, in his book Team of Teams, does a great job of describing how they moved from a hierarchical structure to a more decentralized decision making organization.  They adapted and overcame the enemy.

What are Limiting Factors (Limfacs)?
Limfacs are the things that at one time made us successful but now they are actually hurting our development.  Limfacs are hard for most of us to see; we tend to put blinders on to things that have produced good results in the past.  It takes courage, self-awareness, and confidence to break our previous patterns.  While difficult, it’s critical that we recognize and act upon our limiting factors.

What’s your limfac?  In coaching, maybe your intense focusing on details has made your teams strong.  However, this focus has made your club rigid and lacking the skills to adapt to the moment.

As a business leader you are strong and a bold decision maker.  People within the organization look to you to make the tough calls.  However, you are starting to see others are afraid to think for themselves and their creativity is being stifled.

How about a teacher?  You’ve been educating for 20+ years with tons of success.  Recently, you’ve noticed the kids are not responding to your old ways of disseminating information.  What do you do?

My Limfac
Do you know what my limfac is?  It’s playing it safe and small.  Most people that are close to me would describe me as humble and thoughtful.  That sounds great, but if I am being honest I use my humility to protect myself.  I like to be liked.  This line of thinking has served me well over the years.  I never want to abandon my natural spirit; however, I do realize it limits me as a parent, coach, leader and entrepreneur.

My “One Word” for 2019 is growth.  I will have the courage to continue to grow outside of my comfort zone in all areas of my life.  I realize that this may make some people uncomfortable.  Playing it safe has done me well; however, it is time for me to grow.  I hope you support me in my mission.

Action Step:
Do you have the courage to do the hard work and examine your limfac?  It’s extremely hard, I know.  This week, spend some time in reflection.  What is stopping you from going to the next level.  Please do not blame external factors; the circumstances in your life are often excuses.  There’s something that is holding you back.  I challenge you look within, acknowledge the limfac, and resolve to make the necessary change.

Join me in the never ending journey of self-improvement!

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Reimagining How to Market Yourself

A person I greatly admire is Toronto Blue Jays President and CEO, Mark Shapiro. This spring, Mark spoke with our team about high performance.  Several of our players aspire to work in professional baseball and we asked what he looks for in new hires. You could sense he was humbled by the high quality of resumes he receives. He mentioned every candidate is smart, hardworking and passionate about baseball.  Those things are the baseline, he said. To stand out, there has to be more.

The conversation with Mark made me reflect.  When I ask student athletes: “what did you learn from your experience” the typical responses are: hard work, commitment, team work, and overcoming challenges. Those are baseline answers.  In a competitive job market, cookie cutter responses won’t be difference makers.

I’m clearly biased, but I think every organization would be wise to consider hiring a former student-athlete.  Their experience on the court, field, track or in the water has provided them with transferable skills that can impact an organization.  The problem for most student athletes, however, is they struggle to articulate their value.

Things for Student-Athletes to Consider

Employers need to learn how your past experiences will impact their culture moving forward.  In order for your experiences to resonate, reflection is required.  To get your mind going, I compiled a list of positive attributes I’ve observed.

Resilience– Sports are filled with moments of adversity.  For me, I went from being first-team all-league my sophomore year to being benched during my junior season.  I wasn’t producing.  I was angry.  I had a choice: make some positive changes or go the negative route.  Fortunately, I was able to overcome the setbacks. The professional world is filled with pot holes.  It won’t be smooth sailing.  The ability to bounce back will be a much needed life skill.

Show Up: A tremendous power humans possess is the ability to choose how we show up every day.  Competitive sports programs are frequently in high pressure environments.  Character (and culture) are revealed in times of adversity. In sports, we show up regardless if we got beat by 20 runs the night before, we lose the starting job, we have a big win the day prior, or we are tired and not feeling well.  A consistent teammate is valued in any sector. Leaders love people who dance through the storm.  Obstacles are part of the journey.  Those who embrace challenges with a big smile will always be in demand.

Collaboration: Exceptional effort by all team members is required to achieve challenging program goals. This requires relying on the skill and expertise of coaches, trainers, managers, custodians, and many more. Humility is developed along the way- no one person can do it on their own.  In business, working together to solve complex challenges is a must. Working tirelessly and not caring who gets the credit is valuable. Individuals who have the skills to work in a team, and suppress their ego, will thrive in the future.

Emotional Intelligence: Being a part of something bigger than yourself is a reminder that everything is not about you.  You are forced to get over yourself real quick.  Sports help with self-awareness and equally as important, help you become aware of others. You learn to have empathy for the teammate who makes a crucial error .  I believe E.I. is the most important skill in life.  The ability to connect with a diverse group and show compassion will enhance any industry.

Adaptability: A hallmark of competitive sports is the unpredictable nature. The circumstances are constantly changing. The ability to quickly process information, make a decision, and execute are crucial to success. Life is full of uncertainty. Embracing chaos is more important now than ever. Adaptation and perseverance are now a necessity.

Competition: Well-adjusted athletes develop a healthy relationship with competition. Competitive programs are breeding grounds for fierce internal and external competition. Internally, the talent differential amongst teammates is incredibly small. Externally, the best programs seek out other top programs for a challenge. The margin for error is minute. It takes years of incremental improvement to make a splash.  Professional life isn’t much different; competition is everywhere. Failure and rejection are present.  Being comfortable in uncomfortable situations is a major advantage.

Thoughts for Parents:

Writing this piece made me realize how many parents are focusing on the wrong things. Parents frequently agonize over playing time, the fairness of their child’s treatment, and wins and losses. The life-skills listed above have nothing to do with these things. The lessons are actually packed in the journey.  The student-athletes ability to reflect on the experience is what determines the value, not actually what happens.  We need to consider this when we want to intervene- intervention will likely disrupt a rich learning experience.

Final Thought:

Simply being a student-athlete isn’t enough.  The NCAA alone has nearly 500,000 student-athletes. Common phrases like commitment and teamwork won’t cut it.  Connect with your unique experience and challenge yourself to articulate the journey. It’s worth the investment.

While today’s newsletter focused on student-athletes, I think we can all learn from Mark’s insight. Being smart, hardworking, and passionate aren’t enough to separate ourselves.  We must be willing to go deep. Doing the work allows us to align with people and organizations who will enhance our life. I’m more convinced than ever that “fit” matters.  We can either hope we align or be intentional about building our future.

Reflection Question:

How can you better articulate your unique life-experiences?

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Fear of Missing Out and Fear of Other People’s Opinions

On the road to leading a meaningful life you can encounter two types of fear: The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and the Fear of Other People’s Opinions (FOPO).

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):
To pursue the uncommon, sacrifice accompanies the journey.  The high school student who gets outstanding grades has to study while others “hang out.”  The committed athlete has to get up early and train while her friends stay out late and sleep in.  The medical student continues education for years without pay while her peers are earning a living.  The ambitious new employee has to work during the holidays while family and friends gather to celebrate.  When deciding to get on the path of pursuing greatness “missing out” can become crippling.

Fear of Other People’s Opinion (FOPO):
The barrier that stops most people from living the life they want is the fear of other people’s opinions.  A child doesn’t want to play baseball anymore but is afraid of what his parents will think if he tells them.  A teenager wants to raise her hand in class but she is afraid to “look stupid” in front of her classmates.  The college student has a passion for teaching but the family expectation is to go to law school.  You want to get on the dance floor and break it down at a wedding but you worry about what others will think.  FOPO robs us of happiness, joy and growth.

The Cost:
If we develop the courage to chase our dreams, we will have to miss out on events and we will be judged by others.  However, what’s more concerning, is the price we pay for playing it safe and small, and allowing FOMO and FOPO to stop us from living our best lives.  The committed athlete, can choose to attend the big party; however, the cost will be never knowing the thrill of competing on the highest stage.  The rising sales person can choose to take a day off to attend a friend’s birthday weekend in Vegas, but he may never get the bonus and promotion that accompanies the hard work.  The path to greatness is littered with obstacles.  We can’t allow FOMO and FOPO to win.

A Quick Story:
Our daughter, Elizabeth, had her 7th birthday party at the ice-skating rink.  There were over 20 kids present plus some of their parents.  I haven’t skated since I was 11 or 12 years old.  My wife thought it would be best if we had an adult on the ice with the kids.  In full transparency, FOPO started kicking in.  I didn’t want to be the “big goof” on skates that was embarrassing to my kids and myself.  It had to be done, so I hopped on the ice.

After hanging on to the boards for the first 5 minutes, I started getting the hang of it.  I fell three times (once really hard….I’m still feeling the effects).  However, it ended up being an absolute blast. I felt childlike – chasing the kids around, slamming into the boards like Tom Wilson, and holding the hands of kids who struggled.  I smiled and laughed for the entire party.

The ice-skating episode got me thinking, “How many amazing things have I missed out on because of the fear of other people’s opinions?”

Four Things I’ve Learned:

  1. Those that truly love me and want what’s best for me understand there are times I have to miss events to chase my dreams.  Yes, that means the “big stuff” like birthdays and weddings.
  2. The present moment is all we have.  So, instead of focusing on what I am missing, I focus on “being where my feet are.”  I attempt to make the present experience a powerful one.
  3. My leadership and self-satisfaction have increased tremendously since I stopped worrying about others’ opinions. I’ve adopted the motto, “I respectfully don’t care what you think.”
  4. EVERYONE wrestles with FOMO and FOPO.  The best keep moving forward despite their fears.

Final Thoughts:
How many times have you missed out on a big opportunity because you had a fear of missing out?  Have you ever let other people’s opinions limit you?

The challenge this week is to be highly in tune with FOMO and FOPO.  Develop the awareness to realize when you are limiting yourself due to these crippling fears.  Remember, playing it safe and allowing fear to win will feel comfortable in the short term; however, the long-term damage will be severe.  Let’s stop letting FOMO and FOPO rob us of becoming our best selves.

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Stay Classy: Life Lessons Learned From a Non Drafted Player

Every now and then, sports provide special moments.  Friday night was one of those times. I was glued to the TV- the Lakers and Heat were engaged in an epic battle of wills.  And, the Tampa Bay Rays and NY Yankees were competing in a series deciding game.

In the 8th inning of a 1-1 tie Mike Brosseau, a non drafted player, stepped to the plate against one of the best closers in the last decade, Aroldis Chapman.  Brosseau quickly found himself down 0-2.  He battled his way back.  Around pitch 7 of the AB, I sat up in bed and told my wife, “we are watching something special.”  On the 10th pitch Brosseau put a beautiful swing on a fastball down in the zone and it went out to left centerfield.  The unheralded player’s home run proved to be the difference in the series clinching game.

If that’s not enough theatre, let’s rewind to September 1 when Chapman threw a 101mph fastball over Brosseau’s head.  The benches cleared that day.  There was a noticeable tension between the two teams. The day after being knocked down by Chapman, Brosseau hit two home runs helping the Rays strengthen their lead in the AL East.

Immediately after the game, a microphone was in Brosseau’s face.  The team was celebrating and  emotions where high when he was asked about revenge.  “How does it feel to hit a home run after nearly being beamed in September.”  Brosseau stated how that was all in the past; there was no revenge.  He was just enjoying the moment with his teammates.  Actually, he went out of his way to praise the Yankees, their pitching staff and Chapman.

I don’t know Mike Brosseau but I have become a huge fan of his. His reactions, and especially his teammates reactions about him, make me think he is a special person.  Here’s a few things I reflected upon following his big moment.

 

  1. Take the high road- Many people thought he should be thrilled to “stick it to” a player who took a shot at him. Really what good would that do?  The damage was done.  His positive comments about the foe were refreshing and endearing.

Could you look for an opportunity to take the high road this week?

 

  1. Find a way to add value: I failed to mention that Brosseau did not start Game 5; he came off the bench. When asked earlier in the season about being a role player he mentioned the importance of being versatile and being ready to lean into his strengths when given an opportunity.  He also stated how great it is to be able to add value to a special group like the Rays.

Is there a way to add more value to your family, friends and teams this week?

 

  1. You belong: Brosseau was a lightly recruited high school player who wasn’t drafted out of high school. He did not have the pedigree (or signing bonus) of many professional players. But he’s earned the right to be on the same team with some of the most talented players in the world. He’s a big leaguer, just like everyone else in the show.

Do you wrestle with imposter syndrome? Whatever conversation or room you find yourself in this week, realize you belong!

I feel lucky to have watched Game 5 on Friday.  The game was played wonderfully- both teams gave fans a treat.  I’m really glad to have witnessed Brosseau’s home run and more importantly be introduced to his compassion and humility.

 

Make it a great week!

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