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Facing Reality: Not for the Weak

 

Facing Reality: Not for the Weak

I am convinced one of the biggest competitive advantages lies in an individual’s or organization’s ability to face reality.  The best athletes, leaders, teams and businesses can analyze a situation accurately.  To help best demonstrate the idea of facing reality here is a sports scenario:

Sports Application:
Three baseball players are off competing in the summer.  Let’s pretend the athletes finish with the same statistics:

Batting
Average		 On-Base
Percentage		 Slugging
Percentage
.210 .290 .380

For those of you not familiar, these are less than impressive numbers.  It’s not uncommon for athletes to struggle in their career; in fact, nearly every performer struggles at some point.  As a coach, I’m not as concerned with the poor performance, my interest is how they process the situation.  There are three potential responses.  The first two are the most common, while the third response is optimal.

Common Response: Being Overly Positive
Player 1 is wearing rose-colored glasses.  When asked how the summer went he says, “It was awesome.  I played great.  The numbers weren’t there but I had a TON of bad luck.  I felt good.  I really felt like I should have been an all-star.  The coaching staff didn’t use me right.  There’s no doubt I was the best player on the team.”

A very common response is seeing things better than they really are. This is a defense mechanism used to avoid the reality that major improvement is necessary. If they admit any failure, it’s due to external forces (bad fields, coaches, and other circumstances). It’s really tough to improve from this position. Usually this person has major self-image issues and they are masking it by being overly confident and positive. It’s tough to improve if the person is unwilling to admit there is a problem.

Common Response: Being Overly Negative
Player 2 walks in with his head down and shoulders slumped. “I stink. The other players were so much better. I don’t know if I’ll ever hit again. I’m the worse player on the planet.”

Player 2’s response to adversity is the polar opposite of Player 1; however, it is equally ineffective. This person often defends their negative mindset by saying they are a “perfectionist” or worse, a “realist.” Or, they will say they want it “so bad.” In actuality, this is extreme immaturity. This line of thinking suppresses growth and development.

The Optimal Response
Player 3 is not pleased with his performance. When discussing the summer, he admits his struggles but from a non-judgmental space. He understands he needs to make adjustments and improve. “Man, I just couldn’t get it going this summer” he says with a slight smile. “The competition was really good but I can play at this level. Now I know what it takes. I can’t wait to start working.”

Acknowledging the situation for what it really is and being confident that the future will be better is the optimal response to adversity. Taking ownership of the result while preparing for growth and improvement provides an athlete with the best chance of reaching their peak performance.

Leadership Application:
Having the courage to face reality is a huge competitive advantage. Most leaders and organizations are extremely resistant. Facing reality is uncomfortable; it’s not easy to receive feedback. That’s why the most effective leaders I know are honest. They embrace the fact that they are not perfect, nor is the culture of their organization.

Below is an email from an executive I am working with to members of his team. He leads a highly successful division in a mid-size company. What impresses me most is his courage to welcome feedback in order to best serve.

“I think you have a sense of how much I value what you do and how you are as people and co-workers. My goal is to continually get better and I always want your ideas on how we can improve as a team and how I can improve. Please answer these questions (by individual reply) with brutal honesty to help me grow:

1. Describe a time when I eroded your trust in me.
2. Rank (1-10) how much you believe I care about (a) you as a person and (b) your overall happiness (not just in the workplace).
3. Describe whether you’d prefer more or less feedback/direction.
4. Describe any roadblocks that are keeping you from performing at your highest level.
5. Describe how I can support you to remove or overcome these roadblocks.
6. Describe a time when you made a suggestion and believe I dismissed it without giving it the consideration it deserved.
7. Add anything else that you believe can help me be a better leader.

Facing reality with brutally honest feedback is the only way to continually improve. It’s not easy for the person providing the feedback or the recipient. I want you to be confident that nothing you submit will affect our relationship whatsoever. I look forward to your (brutal) responses.

Thanks for helping me improve!!”

 

Final Thoughts:
Facing reality is not easy. In fact, most people and organizations are unwilling to do the hard work necessary. What’s worse is when the leaders think they know the answers to all these questions. This is a big opportunity for those of us willing to get uncomfortable. Every person, leader and organization has problems and issues. We have to first ask the right questions to clearly understand the issues. This is the only way we can handle these issues head on, otherwise, we allow them to grow in the dark. If we truly want to improve and pursue peak performance, it’s imperative that we take the blinders off and accurately assess our reality.

This Week’s Challenge:
Choose one of these three questions this week and ask your employees or players:

  1. What is your description of the organizational/team culture?
  2. Which one of your teammates or co-workers is doing a fantastic job that should be recognized?
  3. What roadblocks are you facing and how can leadership support you to remove those roadblocks?

Join me this week in having the courage to face reality.

– Mike

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Attempting to Define Happiness

In 2013 I read an article about the Pittsburgh Pirates manager, Clint Hurdle.  It wasn’t your typical sports column: it talked about Clint’s  daily inspirational messages, the love for his family, and his past struggles.  In the article, there was a quote from John Lennon that is displayed in the Pirate skipper’s office:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

Boom! The light bulb went off for me.  For years I had similar thoughts and feelings.  The Hurdle article and Lennon quote provided clarity: I wanted to be happy.

Misconceptions About Happiness:

When you talk about love or happiness people get uncomfortable.  They think these terms are “soft.”  Actually, it takes incredible toughness to pursue happiness.

I can’t tell you, or anyone for that matter, how to be happy.  It takes self-awareness and the courage to take a deep, sometimes painful, dive into yourself.

I do know that our society often paints a false picture of happiness.  In our country, status, wealth, celebrity, accumulation of possessions– things centered around the ego–are considered success.  We believe that being the star player, the CEO, the movie star will make us happy.  This is a big lie.

For me I had to identify things that I thought would make me happy but weren’t providing the return.

  1. Circumstances: Like most people I believed, “If I just made more money I would be happy.”  Or, “If I lived in a better climate things would be perfect.”  So many of us, me included, have the belief that circumstances dictate our happiness.  I’ve met a lot of people, who on the surface, have “everything” and they are miserable.  On the other hand, I’ve met people who have very little in terms of material things who exude joy.  Relying on circumstances to determine our mood is dangerous.
  2. Ease or Comfort: I believe the obstacles and challenges are what makes life great.  Personally, I am not my best in times of comfort. I feel most alive when I’m outside of my comfort zone; creating, trying, and failing.  Most people are pain adverse; we’ll go to great lengths to stay safe.  We’ll do the same thing for our children.  However, the strenuous life is were we find the greatest rewards.

Happiness:

As I mentioned earlier, happiness is a personal journey.  What makes one person happy will not make another one happy.  You must do the hard work to self-analyze and see what truly brings you joy.  Like you, I’m still on my personal discovery of self-mastery.  Here is a present list that brings me contentment.

  1. Pursuit of a worthy goal: “for success, like happiness, cannot be pursued, it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a greater cause than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself”- Victor Frankl.  This is why I’m such an advocate for teams and team sports.  Sports provide the platform to lose yourself in the team.  There are great personal rewards in this.
  2. Being Healthy: Living good, eating and sleeping right.  Movement is incredibly important to my mental well-being.  When I am eating poorly and inactive my mental is off.  It is important to remember the power of moving the body.
  3. Displaying Courage.  There are many ways to show an act of courage; physical challenges, mental challenges or simply stepping out of your comfort zone.  I feel a rush when I step out on the edge and overcome fear.
  4. Growth: Continual improvement is critical.  If I become stagnant or complacent my mood sours.  Relaxing is not good for me; instead, I prefer the term recovery.  Recovery for me involves reading, writing and in-depth conversations.  Sitting idle doesn’t do it for me.
  5. Rhythm in Life: I love my job and I also love my family.  Both of these “loves” are time demanding.  It’s impossible to strike a balance.  There are times when I am “all in” with work and not as present with my wife and kids.  We are good with this.  There is a point, however, where it’s necessary to be “all in” at home.  If this rhythm is extremely interrupted, on either end, my happiness is compromised.
  6. Service to others: I find the old saying, “it’s better to give than receive” true.  I’ve lost count, but my “guestimation,” this is my 100th newsletter.  I am far from a natural writer; it takes me a long time to craft an article.  What keeps me going is the satisfaction in hearing from others how much they enjoy reading.  It’s my small way of giving back. It fills my bucket with joy.

Conclusion:

I hope in 2018 you continue your pursuit of true happiness.  You are the only one who knows what will make you happy.  Please be cautious of the ego-driven pursuit of things.  I’d recommend pursing experiences instead.

It’s funny how life works.  Roughly four years after reading the article about Clint Hurdle I know consider him a mentor and friend.  Hanging in my office now is the same John Lennon Quote about “Happiness.”

May your 2018 be full of challenges and fun,

Mike

P.S. To help you continue in your pursuit of self-awareness I highly recommend Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

 

 

 

 

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The Gift Of Humility

The Gift of Humility

 

Merriam-Webster defines humility as, “freedom from pride or arrogance.  The quality or state of being humble.”

 

The older I get the more I see humility not only as a virtue, but also as a competitive advantage in sports and life.  Elite leaders, coaches, and educators all share this elusive trait.  Sure, you can win and lack humility.  However, the people I admire most, the ones who excel at work and in their personal life, all share the gift of being humble.  Below are ten ways to display and use the gift of humility.

 

  1. Admit shortcomings: We cannot do it all, nor can we be great all the time. It is critical to free ourselves up and acknowledge that there will be times we will underperform.  The transformational coach, Matt Deggs, says it best when he tells his team before every season, “Boys, sometimes you are just going to have to overcome the coaching.”
  2. Listen while others talk: Most people are in a race to demonstrate how much they know (for an example observe the posturing that often takes place on social media). Every interaction is an opportunity to learn.  If we spend the whole time talking, we miss the opportunity to listen and gain valuable insight.
  3. Make time for others: I had the opportunity to take my son to the Pittsburgh Pirate game and be on the field for batting practice. While we were in awe watching Big League hitters effortlessly hit baseballs out of the yard, the most impressive performance was watching the Pirate Skipper, Clint Hurtle, connect with ushers and staff.  “Thank you for all you do for us.”  If he finds time, so can I.
  4. Ask for help: As we get older, and our level of responsibility increases, many of us struggle being vulnerable. We are afraid that by asking for assistance we will look weak.  How silly.  Why waste time faking it?  Humility will save us time and money.  Ask great questions and receive great answers.
  5. Delegate: Once we make the decision to delegate we must fully entrust in that person to do the job. I worked with hitters for 13 years in collegiate baseball prior to last season.  Luckily, I found someone much better than me.  I fired myself from that role and stepped away.  I made the decision that I was no longer in charge and that I would abstain from meddling.  This was easily one of my best professional decisions.
  6. Never be the smartest person in the room: It takes humility to surround yourself with powerful thinkers who will challenge and push. It is much easier to play it safe and always be the expert.  The best leaders actively pursue people who are the best in their field. This humble nature allows them to build elite teams, and we all know a strong team will defeat an individual any day of the week.
  7. Root for your competitors: “Iron sharpens iron.” The best in the world see their competition as sparring partners not adversaries. We are striving together to be great; we cannot do it alone.  It takes a great deal of maturity and confidence to cheer for the competition.
  8. Laugh at yourself: Mistakes are going to happen and we are going to look ridiculous at times. Having a sense of humor gives us the freedom to try and fail. Many people let their egos lead the way.  It is much easier to sit on the side line and point out the shortcomings of others.  I’d rather stumble and laugh then sit out and judge.
  9. Give others the credit: The elite coaches and leaders that I have studied are masters at taking the blame for mistakes and deflecting praise. Coaches, if we want to win the hearts of our players give them credit for the wins and accept responsibility for the losses.  This is really hard to do if we allow our pride to get in the way.
  10. Apologize sincerely: When in a leadership position, we will be charged with making countless numbers of decisions every day. It is impossible to be right all the time.  Saying, “I’m sorry, I resolve to do better in the future” goes a long way.  People typically want to forgive.  We have to possess the humility to acknowledge our wrong doings.

Can we win, hit our numbers, or get a promotion without humility?  Absolutely.  However, that type of achievement is fleeting and hollow.  This week, I am going to make a conscious effort to manage my ego.  I’m going to look for ways to be kind and help others, including my competitors, on their journey.  If we play the long game, not the short game, our humility will be rewarded.

 

Stay Humble,

Mike

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Listen: Identifying Grit in Prospects

Grit: Physical and mental toughness; perseverance; the ability to overcome obstacles.

Today, most people think things should come easy.  The word we often hear is entitlement which Webster’s defines as, “a belief that one is deserving or entitled to certain privileges.”  There is a misconception that success comes easy; that one should not have to struggle, stumble or encounter adversity to be successful.

What a competitive advantage, displaying grit! Being willing to work harder and longer is more critical than ever.  While others mistakenly expect life to gift wrap them success we can take pride in earning our rewards.  There’s no real success without struggle and strife.  So, this week when life throws you a road block; pause and be thankful.  Your grit is being tested and I know you will win!

I don’t know about you, but I actively seek to hire or coach people who have failed and kept on going.  Grit comes in many different forms. I hope you enjoy this 3-minute segment where I discuss identifying grit in prospects.

Make it a great week,

Mike

 

 

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