The Key To Great Relationships

One of my favorite times as a coach is the last game of the year. In all but three times in my 18 years of coaching that has meant a loss. It’s sad. It can feel devastating. But something magical usually occurs. Some player, in all the raw emotion, will embrace me with tears in their eyes and say, “Thank you.”

Through tears of my own, I’ll muster up, “No, I’m the one who should be thanking you.” 

As tough as the loss may be, there’s a sense of euphoria from this type of interaction. Why is that?

A Nugget From Jim Collins:

This summer I was listening to The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish. His guest was Good to Great author, Jim Collins. Collins made a statement about relationships that stopped me in my tracks: “Really, great relationships are where if you ask each person independently who benefits more from the relationship they would each say, Well I do.”
This simple definition was something I’ve felt for years, but never had the language to express.

I feel extremely fortunate. I have a long list of relationships were I know I’ve benefited more. ·     

The son of great parents. ·     

The husband of an amazing wife.·     

The father of four wonderful kids.·     

As a friend, to many selfless and caring individuals.·     

As a coach, who works with great young, men.·     

As a novice writer, with an eager and accepting audience. 

Do you agree that deep, meaningful relationships are central to living a fulfilled life? If we can agree that relationships are important, and Collins is on to something with his definition, then a beautiful secret is revealed: If we want to improve our relationships it’s a must we give freely. It should be our mission to add value to others, forgive quickly, be kind, be empathetic. It’s not about what we can get out of a relationship; instead it’s about what can we give. 

That’s the recipe for great relationships.

Final Thoughts:

Reflect upon the relationships you value most in life. Can you relate to Collins’ definition? Do you feel like you are benefitting more?
Please join me this week in being intentional about forging relationships. Let’s avoid the transactional relationships people frequently pursue. 

As Collins says, you can have a successful life without relationships. However, you cannot have a great life without them.

Mike

P.S. As I wrote this piece, I thought about so many of you. One of the main reasons I write is to stay connected to those I’ve met. As we enter the holiday season, please know how thankful I am. I hope you understand how much I value our relationship. 

Thank you.  

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Using Social Media for Learning: What I Learned About Joy and Process From Twitter

What are your thoughts on social media? Like most people, I can see the traps. It can be a complete time suck, distort reality, and lead to feelings of inadequacy. If done with intention, however, sites such as Twitter can be great for learning and development. This week, I discovered two videos which shifted my perspective.

Jim Nantz: Joy vs. Fun

Legendary broadcaster, Jim Nantz, joined Mike Gervais on the “Finding Mastery” podcast. In the short clip below, Nantz mentions how before going on air people usually say, “Have fun.” Nantz believes fun isn’t enough. He says joy is the better descriptor: it’s the wonder, curiosity and amazement with the moment.

How are you approaching your craft lately? Could you use joy as a performance enhancer?

Dusty Baker: Lesson on the Process and Not Taking Yourself too Seriously:

After the Astros won the ALCS, the MLB network interviewed Astros manager, Dusty Baker. Despite all of the emotions that typically accompany such an accomplishment, Dusty appeared as cool as ever. The announcers were curious. While everyone else began celebrating after the last out, Baker took the time to write something down. What was it? “I wrote down who made the last out.” Why? “Because I do it every day.” It was a great reminder to stick with the process regardless of the stakes involved. For Dusty Baker, he records the final out: it doesn’t matter if it is a spring training game or the championship series.

My other big takeaway from this interview was his humor. He laughs hysterically about getting “punched” during the celebration. He describes how he buys slugger, Yordan Alvarez, oxtails to keep him happy. He goes out of his way to genuinely praise the performance of their opponents. The clip shows a man who is over his ego. His job as manager is to serve the team.

When asked about social media, it’s easy to see mention all the negative things associated. At this stage of my life, it’s very likely the best tool for my personal growth and development. I hope the clips above added value to your life like they did mine.

Make it a great week,

Mike

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Two Lessons From a MLB All-Star

On August 17th, Oakland A’s all-star pitcher, Chris Bassitt, was hit with a 100-mph line drive in the head. When the incident occurred, Chris’s 3.22 ERA was amongst the leaders in the American League. In addition, with 42 games to go- the A’s were 2.5 games behind the Astros in the AL West and 1 game back in the Wild Card race. 

The video was hard to watch and it is a reminder how dangerous the game can be. He ended up having surgery for a facial fracture on his right cheek.  He was lucky.  His right eye and right orbital bone were not fractured.  He set his sights on returning as soon as possible.  In fact, the morning after the incident he sent this text to announcer Dallas Braden, “Bullpen in a few weeks.  The show goes on.”

Fast forward to September 23. The A’s, now 9 games back in the West and behind five teams in the Wild Card race, were virtually eliminated from the playoffs.  Bassit had beat the odds and was cleared to pitch against the Seattle Mariners.  With his team out of contention and coming off a major injury he decided to take the ball. 

Many people thought it would be best for him to just take the rest of the year off.  Why risk it? Here was the post Bassit made on Twitter:

Why did I come back? What’s the point? I’ll tell you why…We are the green and gold.  Bob Melvin is my manager.  Don’t make excuses and get your ass to work.  The org turns you into a better person and I’m grateful. 

Bassit’s route to being a MLB all-star was not easy:

  • He was academically ineligible for a full year in college.
  • He was a 16th round draft pick of the White Sox, signing for a minimal signing bonus.
  • He was a closer until AA, when they switched him to a starter to increase his trade value.
  • The first time he made it to MLB spring training he broke his hand and was shut down.
  • He had a solid first MLB season, then got Tommy John surgery.
  • After TJ, he was up and down from the big leagues to the minor leagues.

At the time of the injury he was one of the best pitchers in the American League.  If he didn’t throw a pitch the rest of the year, he’d be in a tremendous position to earn a lucrative contract. There was little to gain by returning.

Returning to pitch made no rational sense.  Or did it?

Two Powerful Takeaways:

I have two major takeaways from this story. First, in order to achieve something special we have to do things that make no sense to others.  People who don’t get it will quickly point out the rational choice.  But here’s the thing, we’ll never do anything special playing it safe and small. 

Using Bassit as an example, there’s no way he’s thriving in the big league if his mindset isn’t extreme: 

  • Shouldn’t he have quit baseball and focused on school after being academically ineligible? 
  • Shouldn’t he have gotten a real job instead of playing minor league baseball for little pay?
  • He wasn’t a prospect: shouldn’t he have called it a career after TJ?

What seems rational to some is ridiculous to a high-performer like Chris.

The second takeaway is a leadership lesson: 

 “We are the green and gold.”

“Bob Melvin is my manager.”

“This org turns you into a better person and I’m grateful.”

I’ve learned to never minimize what individuals will do for teams and organizations when they feel loved and respected.  Chris Bassitt came back because he loves the people in the A’s organization.  For years, he has worked shoulder to shoulder with the players, coaches and front office to create something special. 

I’m convinced most people do not leave an organization for money.  Sure, sometimes it happens but not as often as we think. 

It’s much easier to leave or be apathetic if:

  • You don’t feel cared for. 
  • If you are made to feel easily replaceable. 
  • If you are not uniquely seen. 
  • If your needs are not heard. 

Organizations often demand loyalty, but they fail to do the hard work of connecting with their people. 

Final Thought:

If we are going to do special things we must do things that make no sense to the masses.  We must learn to love this delusional mindset.  In addition, if we want to build strong teams it’s our responsibility to ensure those within our care FEEL our appreciation. 

I’ll conclude with Bassitt’s teammate, Mark Canha’s, response:

You came back for the boys. Cuz your all about the boys and you’re a damn gladiator! You already had my respect Bassmaster, but the work you’ve done over the past few weeks culminating in the return today took it to a whole new level.”

Continue doing things that make no sense to others.  Continue loving and supporting those you lead at a deep level. 

I’ll bet it leads to something special.

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Lessons Learned From the 4am Lifting Crew

My alarm is blasting. Blindly and wildly, I flail my arms to turn it off. It’s 3:36am. I stumble to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I head out the door still half asleep. My destination is the “Old School Gym,” to join the 4am lifting crew. 

As you enter the warehouse style building, 90’s and 2000’s rap is blasting. It’s like Vegas- the energy takes over. The gym is grimy. I feel at home. 
During July and August I trained with the 4am crew three days a week. I want to share the lessons I learned from the experience. 

1.    We All Need a Co-Signer: The owner of the gym, Cory Gregory, is a world leader in fitness. G and I have known each other for several years. During the pandemic, I joined his website to enhance my at-home workouts. One day G challenged me, “you need to quit messing around and join the gym.” So, I did. 
I hadn’t trained, trained in years. I was an old dog trying to learn new tricks. Entering the facility was intimidating. G did something, however, that we can all learn from; he put his arm around me and told me to stick with him. Call it what you want: inclusion, belonging, etc. I call it co-signing. Everyone instantly knew I was Cory’s guy. He welcomed me. That’s all I needed. 
I was reminded how important belonging is and how often we forget to be intentional about welcoming others.
What can you do to make a colleague or teammate know they are a key member of your group?

2.Consistency is the Key: Training at 4am one time isn’t hard- inconvenient maybe- but not hard. What is difficult is doing it every day, week after week. The crew isn’t impressed by someone making it for a day or a week. 
Isn’t this true in life as well? It’s easy to have great meet and greet skills. It’s easy to be a good spouse for a year or two. It’s easy to do the right thing every once and awhile. The real ones, the ones who are most impressive, are the people who bring their best selves every day. 
In what areas of your life do you need to be more consistent? 

3.Diversity Is a Competitive Advantage: The 4am crew is an eclectic group. There are professional power lifters, competitive athletes, coaches, professors, construction workers, and financial advisors. One of my favorite members is Joe. Joe spent several years in the Federal Penitentiary and now makes films. The diversity of the group makes it special.
Can you imagine a football team made up with only quarterbacks? A baseball team full of catchers only? Unstoppable teams are comprised of people with unique skill-sets and different life experiences merging together to pursue a shared mission. Much like a gut-wrenching workout galvanizes a diverse athletic team (everyone hurts the same) so does tackling challenging and meaningful work in the corporate setting. Shared values amongst unique individuals is the sweet sauce.
Could your group be stronger with different thoughts and perspectives? 

4.Earn Respect from Effort: I almost didn’t go to the workouts because I knew my max effort wouldn’t produce the same results as the others. I learned quickly that nobody cares. The way you earn respect is showing up and working your tail off. It was cool to have experienced lifters shout encouragement as I went for personal records (which aren’t that impressive).
A lot of time is wasted worrying how others perceive us. There is a very good chance they aren’t thinking about us at all. People admire those who are willing to do hard things. Your absolute best effort is enough.
Where can you earn respect by putting forth your best effort? 

Final Thoughts:I’m now on pause from the 4am crew. This time of year, my work demands I’m sharp in the late afternoon and evening. I’ll revisit the crew when my life cycle shifts. 
I’m thankful for Cory and the crew. I’m recommitted to my health and fitness. I was reintroduced to doing hard things. Also, I was able to experience being coached again. When you’re the one typically doing the coaching you forget how hard that can be. 
Is there something crazy, even extreme, that you’ve wanted to do but for whatever reason you haven’t pulled the trigger? Have you been presented with an opportunity in which you wanted to participate but lack of confidence has stopped you?
This week, I challenge you to do something that scares you. 

Mike
P.S. If you want to learn more about Cory and Max Effort check out the two links below:

Cory G Fitness

Max Effort

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Relationships > Networking: Ten Thoughts on Being Around Wise People

I’ve never liked the idea of networking.  It feels hollow.  However, I believe in connecting and working diligently to forge relationships. I’m convinced that being around wise people is a key to building a full-filled life.  Conversations with people who listen, challenge, inspire and elicit action are life changing.  They have the ability to unlock and unleash potential that we might not know exists. 

Over my life, I’ve often found myself in the presence of people who are highly successful. While I’m no expert, here are some random thoughts on how I’ve worked to create relationships with wise folks.

Ten Thoughts on Being Around Wise People

  1. Do the Hard Work: Read, write, listen, pray, meditate, and spend time in self-reflection.  Without a working understanding of ones values and goals, finding an impactful mentor is difficult, if not impossible.  
  2. Be Open: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”- Lau Tsu. Wise people do not have to be rich and famous- these people are all around if we are intentional about looking.
  3. Courage to Ask: In my experiences people love to help. There are times where their schedules won’t allow but rarely, if ever, are they offended by an ask. 
  4. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare: Time is the most precious thing to wise people, and EVERYONE is trying to steal it from them. When I get the opportunity to connect, I want them to leave knowing this was a worthwhile investment of their most precious commodity. I can do this by creating thoughtful questions that allow them to expand. The best way I’ve found to show I’m prepared is to ask powerful questions.
  5. Zero Expectations: I never go into a conversation expecting a “silver bullet,” a job offer, or any other ego-driven motive. My goal is to be present, listen deeply and enjoy the opportunity.
  6. Add Value: While it can be intimidating at first, I’ve found sharing my thoughts and opinions adds to the relationship. When the interactions evolve into a mutual exchange the real fun begins.
  7. Pick up the Tab: Or at least offer to pick up the tab. Whatever money I’ve spent (even when I didn’t have any) was well worth it.
  8. No Fans Allowed: Most people treat “stars” differently. The people I want to be around don’t enjoy that- they actually want an escape. The goal is to value their humanity not their status. I always remind myself, “don’t be a fan.”
  9. Start Doing: It’s important to act on the advice received. Possessing the industriousness to take action is rewarding to the teacher.  This is a way to separate because most people want a quick fix. The best way to show you truly value the conversation and advice given is to put it into action.
  10. Stay Connected: A one-time conversation is great- but a long-term exchange is when the magic occurs. I like to take the time to send a hand-written note to let the person know how much I appreciate their time. This is not always feasible or desirable, so go with your gut. This is also the perfect time to plant the seed for a follow-up conversation. 

This Week’s Challenge(s):
Is there someone you want to connect with?  This week, ask someone you admire for a phone conversation or a Zoom call.  If that’s too much, write them a thoughtful email.  Being around wise folks is a difference maker.  We owe it to ourselves to actively build meaningful relationships.

Second, is there someone that you can help on their journey?  As someone who’s life has been enhanced tremendously by giving and caring people, please consider helping out. You have the power to change someone’s life. I’m living proof.  

Finally, I don’t want to sound presumptuous but if I can help you or someone you love let me know.  Assisting others find their passion is one of my greatest joys.  I’m here if you need me.   

Make it a great week,

Mike

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Be A Better Human

Today’s post is short. It’s a 5-minute video from Ernie Johnson’s talk with Alabama Football. I hope it impacts you like it impacted me.

Love you too,

Mike

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Growth Mindset: How Reimagining Can Help You Get Unstuck

Have you observed how often we fall into patterns?  The foods we consume, the exercise routine, the route we take to work– all become autopilot.  More concerning is our interactions with other humans, the media we consume and thoughts we allow in our mind. 

Most people see routines as a positive thing.  I do as well. Problems occur, however, when we shut our minds off and develop a fixed mindset.  If left unchecked, “this is the way we’ve always done it” becomes our life philosophy. 

How can we combat a fixed mindset?  A great word to consider is “reimagine.”  That one word creates the space for new possibilities.  It allows us to examine our pain points and reshape them as opportunities. 

Have you found yourself stuck lately?  Here are some common situations to reimagine:
-Your interactions with your spouse.
-The time you spend with your kids.
-The way you shape the learning in your classroom (or field or boardroom)
-The on-boarding process for new hires.
-The way you look at the most powerful pain point in your life.
-The way you recognize and celebrate others success.   

The more I connect with executives I am convinced that a growth mindset is a non-negotiable characteristic for those who want to make an impact.  “This is how it’s always been done” no longer flies. The world needs curious people who are willing to view old problems as new opportunities. 

Please join me this week in reimagining new possibilities.  Let’s start with shaking things up with those we love. Instead of falling into the same patterns, let’s find ways to be fun and creative.   

Make a difference this week,
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“I’m Just a……” Stop Hedging and Own Your Role

I’m just a small school baseball coach. 
 
It’s scary, I’ve used that sentence on way too many occasions.  There have been times where I have said these words to others; however, my most frequent use is through self-talk. 
 
Have you used limiting phrases like this?  Have you ever put yourself in a self-imposed box? 
 
Why?
I’ve wrestled with why I, and I suspect many others, minimize their value.  I came up with three reasons:

  1. We pay attention to the noise.  There are people who demean what others do.  Some faculty members believe competitive athletics are not necessary to a well-rounded education.  Some higher level coaches think lower division coaches are not knowledgeable.  Some members of the community don’t see coaching as a real job.  Somewhere along the line we start believing these “haters” are right. 
  2. We lack conviction and confidence.  If you believe in yourself and your process it doesn’t matter what outsiders think.  When we say, “I’m just a…” we are hedging.  It gives permission to not hold ourselves to the highest standards and put forth our best effort. Why would I compete hard and strive for excellence when “I’m just a …..?”
  3. We have false humility.  When we minimize what we do we feel we are being modest or humble.  We can’t mistake meekness with humility. 

I hope you understand and embrace that:

  • You are not “just an administrative assistant”.  You are the front porch of the organization.  Your best self can set the climate.  The organization and writing skills you possess keep the group churning.  
  • You are not “just a bench player.” The effort and approach you bring to practice demands everyone grow and improve.  Your positive attitude is contagious and inspires the entire team and staff.  The team cannot reach its ceiling without you. 
  • You are not “just a teacher.”  You are responsible for the learning, growth and development of our youth.  For some kids, you are their source of safety and comfort. 
  • You are not “just a small business owner.”  You are a sign of zest and courage.  You provide a product or service that improves the lives of the people within your community. 

 
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to interact with top leaders in various fields.  A common thread amongst the people I admire most is they realize the importance of everyone and every profession.  They are curious of what others do, they are appreciative of their sacrifices, and they admire driven people who are looking to make a difference.  So, while you may say, “I’m just a….” high level people and achievers don’t see it that way! 
 
A Note to Leaders:
This week may be the time to reset your approach.  Are you providing the platform for everyone in your organization to utilize their strengths?  Have you looked only to the leadership team or “key employees” for new ideas?  Do your people feel heard, understood, and appreciated? 
 
Consider how powerful your group can be if everyone believes th have the ability to make an impact.  Over 90% of people who read this will say, “yes, our people know they are valued.” 
 
But do they? 
 
Just writing, “thanks for all you do” or “I couldn’t do it without you” isn’t enough.  It’s actions and behaviors that matter.  What can you do today to inspire someone to share their true thoughts with you? 
 
Final Thought:
I have come to grips that I’m not “just a small school coach.”  Developing a culture that strives for excellence creates a learning platform.  Life mirrors sports.  The gut-wrenching losses and triumphant wins.  The feeling of giving all you have and not receiving the outcome you want.  The set-backs. Overcoming those setbacks.  The difficult and sometimes painful conversations.  Being there in times of need.  Celebrating great news.  Grieving in loss. 
 
“Just a coach” can’t create an experience like this.  Playing it safe and bending to society’s pressure to be average is what “just a coach” would do. 
 
That’s not me. 
 
That’s not you. 
 
Make a difference this week,
 
Mike

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A Simple Question That Will Help You Win Your Week:

Scott O’Neil is the former CEO of Harris Blitzer Sports Entertainment. He was a guest on Ryan Hawks, The Learning Leader Podcast (episode #419). O’Neil introduced me to an acronym I love: WMI- What’s Most Important.

It’s easy to be distracted: phones, computers, social media, Netflix- just to name a few. Equally challenging are the demands placed on our time: kid’s activities, meetings, connecting with friends, and work tasks. Life comes at us fast and from all different angles. 

A competitive advantage is deciding: What’s Most Important (WMI). Identifying your highest leverage opportunities, and then possessing the discipline to invest time on these priorities, is a superpower. 

After listening to Ryan and Scott discuss WMI, I took a stab at developing a simple framework for individuals or organizations. 

  1. Ask what’s most important: Before you start the week clarify your priorities. Most of us assume we know the high leverage areas without reflecting.

Goal: Identify three things that are most important.

2. Check Your Calendar: At the end of the week check to see how much time was dedicated to meetings, calls, and on other tasks not related to WMI? O’Neill says the recipe for high performers is to spend 60% of their time on the top three things.

Goal: Organize your calendar like a high performer.

3. Time To Decide: After identifying WMI and auditing your calendar, it’s time to assess your progress. O’Neil says if the two don’t align, “either change what’s most important or change your calendar. We have to be accountable to ourselves.” 

Goal: To have the discipline to hold ourselves accountable to WMI. 

I know this week’s article seems elementary; however, I’m amazed at how often we spend large amounts of time on non-essential task. We get caught up in the current of life and fail to reflect on our priorities. This is how we stay busy but ineffective. 

This week, invest time in prioritization. In addition, maybe the greatest gift a leader can provide is removing the red tape and allowing others to work on WMI. Cancel the Zoom, free up the mundane paperwork, simplify a process- it’s a worthwhile trade-off. 

Remember, busy is a choice. Being busy doesn’t drive results; being effective does.

Figure out what’s important and get to work.

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Hard Work > Smart Work

I’m grappling with the idea of working hard vs. working smart. My current wrestling match began observing how training in sport has dramatically changed.  Most of this change has been positive- it’s hard to argue that athletes are not bigger, faster, stronger and more skilled than their counterparts from 20, 50, and 100 years ago. 

The sport I’m closest with is baseball.  The use of data and technology has exploded.  We know much more now about how to effectively and efficiently train baseball athletes.  With proper investment and research, coaches and trainers can develop athletes in a smarter way than ever before.  In our baseball program, we are training in a completely different manner than we did just a few years ago. 

Here’s the kicker, I’m not sure the changes we have made are completely for the better. 

Much like politics, extreme views have taken over.  For example, most of the sports science proves that running distance isn’t conducive to baseball skill development.  There are outspoken experts who will lambast any person or program for ever testing, say a timed mile.  Another popular ax to grind is bunting.  Statistics (mainly generated from the highest level of baseball) show that bunting isn’t the most effective use of the 27 outs allotted in a game.  Once again, there are vocal folks who remind the world of how “dumb” it is to bunt or even to learn to bunt.  There are those that will even go to extremes saying that coaches ruin kids careers by bunting instead of swinging away. 

It’s just not smart to invest time in bunting and running for distance.  Or is it?

In baseball, and many other sports, we are now using technology to aid with the development of young athletes.  It’s a much smarter way to invest their time, but I believe kids are missing out on some of the “dumb” things that teach powerful lessons as well. 

I’m not anti-technology, science or growth.  In fact, my personal life philosophy is based upon continuous improvement.  Continuous improvement requires curiosity and an obsession with doing things better.

However, I’m starting to believe that working hard, and “dumb” is a prerequisite for working smarter.  To stick with the baseball analogy, it’s silly for Mike Trout- one of the greatest of all time- to run a timed mile.  He’s at the razors edge of his talent.  But, is it wrong for a 15 year-old baseball player to run distance?  Is it possible that he might learn something in the stillness of the road?  Maybe it won’t help his explosiveness, but it could help benefit him way more than an increase in his vertical jump.  The same thing is true for a seasoned executive.  Answering emails and getting bogged down in the minutia are not a solid use of their time.  However, a younger employee may greatly benefit from some of these “inefficiencies.”   

Have we become so obsessed with life hacks that we are missing the beauty of the strenuous pursuit of achievement?  Shouldn’t we know the satisfaction of being on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor before hiring a cleaning service?  It’s not smart to spend a full day cleaning when our hourly worth may say we should invest the time elsewhere, but man can it be satisfying.

Is the most efficient way always the best?  I’m aware that you can get a good workout at 2pm or 6am.  But, are there more lessons packed into that early morning session? 

As I write, I’m starting to believe hard work must come first. Only after the “dumb” work can one get smart and begin optimizing. 

I have close friends that either have started a business or have advanced to high levels in their chosen field.  Every single person I am thinking of has put in the hours; ridiculously long hours, coupled equally with extreme sacrifice.  To a person, they each can look back and say they were inefficient in some area, but those grueling times are what made them.  It also gives them a capacity to understand, empathize with and ultimately be a better leader to those who are doing the grueling or tedious work.   

In the upcoming years, I think society will recalibrate itself. The pendulum has swung too far toward the idea of working smart and not hard.  Good, old fashioned sweat equity will be necessary for true success.   

So, the next time you see a kid sprinting hills in the neighborhood shout a word of encouragement instead of suggesting a more formal speed training program. 

The next time a young employee is the first in the office and the last to leave notice their commitment instead of explaining how he could do a lot of his tasks at home. 

The next time you see a high schooler shoveling the driveway so he could get some shots up acknowledge his industriousness instead of telling him it’s more productive to utilize the gym.

Work smarter later, for now just bust your tail.   

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