Tough Decisions, Silk Pajamas, and Doing Hard Things

Good Monday morning!  I have three short shares this week.  If you have the opportunity, send me a quick note and let me know how you are doing.    

To Suspend or Not Suspend:

Former teammates and Tampa Bay Buccaneers greats John Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Warren Sapp joined the Rich Eisen Show for a fun conversation.  Lynch opens up describing a time Sapp, was “acting up a little.”  This type of behavior didn’t sound uncommon from Sapp.  Most of the time, Lynch and other leaders could reign him in.  This time, they couldn’t reach him.  Not knowing what to do, Lynch and Brooks sought the counsel of their respected coach, Tony Dungy.

“Coach, we can’t do anything.  He’s acting up and we think you have to sit him” Lynch suggested to Dungy. 

Lynch says that Dungy looked at him and Brooks and calmly said: “In my mind, you are both Hall of Famers (referring to Lynch and Brooks).  But….John, I can play without you.  Derrick, I can play without you.  We can’t play without 99 (Sapp’s jersey number.)  Now way, no way we are playing without 99. So you best figure it out.”

Lynch then says he and Derrick walked out defeated and thought, “Whelp…we better figure this thing out.”    

I love this story for two reasons.  First, every leader I know has encountered a high-performer who’s disrupting the team culture. Other members are frustrated and they want to see the star disciplined.  I love Dungy’s brutally honest answer. I also admire the anguish Brooks and Lynch experienced as they tried to reach Sapp. 

The other reason my soul was warmed was watching three former teammates, all from different backgrounds, laugh and smile together.  It’s sports at its best. You can feel the bond. You can feel the love. 

Learning from a Legend:

“Marvelous” Marvin Hagler passed away this week.  Growing up, my father was a big boxing fan and Hagler was one of his favorites.  His low-frills style and toughness were admirable.  If you haven’t seen his epic first round battle with Thomas “Hit-Man” Hearns check it out below. 

My favorite Hagler quote: “It’s hard to get up at 5am to do road work when you’re sleeping in silk pajamas.”

Twitter/Podcast Recommendation:

I’ve long been a fan of the Finding Mastery Podcast hosted by Mike Gervais.  I also enjoy following him on Twitter.  This week, he posted a video with this quote: “The most powerful statement you can say to yourself: ‘I can do hard things’.” 

This week: have a difficult conversation, wear uncomfortable pajamas, and remind yourself that you can do hard things!

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Some Thoughts on Recruiting, Hiring, and Job Searching

Recruiting is the life blood of college athletics. Effective hiring is the equivalent to recruiting in business.  And, happiness and fulfillment are directly related to the relationships we develop over our lifetime.    

Who we surround ourselves with is mission critical. We must be intentional about the teams we build and join. This requires doing a deep dive into understanding who we are as individuals and as an organization. 

Recruiting and Hiring:
When looking to add members to a team, the majority of people seek individuals for what they do; a need that can be filled.  For example:

  1. Sports: Recruiting for a particular skill set.  “We need a catcher, outfielder, middle infielder, and two pitchers.” Coaches then search for student-athletes that fit the profile.
  2. Business: The job ad focuses on what competency they desire.  “We are looking for an accountant, machinist, or business analyst.”  The organization hopes their search produces candidates that can meet the companies immediate need. 
  3. Friends: People seek out others who have similar interests: sports, music, art or those who have the ability to increase their social status. 

I believe it is more effective to approach team formation in a different manner.  Consider the following questions:

  1. Sports: Does the student-athlete align with the core principles of the program? How’s their competitive spirit?  Have they demonstrated the ability to persevere and overcome obstacles?
  2. Business: Are they a cultural fit? How’s their emotional intelligence? What’s their relationship with growth and development?  Can they work in a team?
  3. Friends: Do the core values align? Can they live authentically?

A Lesson from Coach Schembechler:
“Well, if you really want a guy and don’t get him that’s ok. He’ll only beat you once a year.  On the other hand, if you get the wrong guy on your team he’ll beat you every day.”  Bo Schembechler. 

Over my career, the majority of our recruiting mistakes have been when we rushed.  We made a decision on the premise that the person could fill an immediate void.  That approach rarely works. 

There’s nothing more important than getting the right team members on board.  Doing the self-reflective work on the front end, ensures less headaches (and less money spent) in the long-run.  Making decisions on fit and feel instead of a particular skill set is more effective. 

Searching and Aligning:
The chances of living a fulfilled life are enhanced if we join tremendous teams. This starts with being an agent of our own life. We often fail to perform the hard work necessary to understand ourselves. Our values are blurry.  Because of this, we search for opportunities with external validations.  For example, in the world that I’m involved with most, athletics, kids frequently say they are looking for:

  1. Immediate playing time
  2. Division 1 level
  3. Fancy facilities
  4. Swag- sweet uniforms and gear.

I’m not judging those wishes, but they are typically societal answers- they aren’t what the student-athlete needs to have an enjoyable experience.

I  suggest:

  1. Examining the school’s culture.
  2. The leadership of the program.
  3. If there is alignment throughout the team (coaches, players, student managers, etc.)

This same logic follows in job searches.  The focus is on the salary and title.  I suggest examining the organizational culture, your boss, and growth possibilities. 

Instead of seeking a set of physical characteristics (hair, eye color, height) in a partner be more invested in knowing the things you value. 

I’ve seen many student-athletes super excited because they made a college decision and a few years later they are miserable.  They made the decision without careful reflection and settled for other’s dreams. 

I’ve seen people pumped for their new, well-paying job soon be disenchanted because they can’t stand the organizational values. 

The life-hack is to do the work upfront.  We should know our values and look to align with others who are on a similar path. 

Final Thought:
How intentional are you about your recruiting/hiring process?  Can you demonstrate the courage to stand out from others in your industry and do things differently?  Are you willing to take a short-term loss for long-term advantage?  Remember Coach Bo: losing out is tough but the wrong selection can be disastrous. 

When looking for your next opportunity, are you willing to invest in understanding what you value?  Are there relationships you can cultivate for future opportunities?  Are you willing to take less salary for higher growth opportunities? 

There is nothing more important than the teams we join and develop. Most people rely on luck.  Our mission is to be intentional about the teams we build and the forces we join. Our happiness depends upon it. 

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Announcing A Professional Development Course: Creating Culture with Coach Mike Deegan

Today, we are excited to launch a new professional development course: Creating Culture Change.  I’ve partnered with ClearLearn.com to develop rich content which intends to add value to you and your organization.  

For nearly 20 years, I’ve been obsessed with winning teams: businesses, schools, sports, even families. Like most, I first believed the success of groups or individuals was directly related to talent or luck. I’ve found successful organizations are intentional about their culture. They understand who they are, where they want to go, and develop processes to ensure success.  

The course we created provides a structure to evaluate your current culture and a process for developing the organization desired in the future. It can found exclusively at ClearLearn.com.  

Who’s this course for?

This course is created for any professional, executive or organization that wants to be intentional about culture building. I’ve done workshops with Fortune 500 companies, schools and sports teams using this system.  

Also, this course is for anyone who wants to create change in their personal life. The six steps can be used to reimagine new possibilities. The interactive nature with video, journaling and community provides a different growth platform than traditional modes of self-development.
There is a process that will guide; however, the heavy lifting will be done by the individual or group taking the course. This is definitely not a “quick fix.” People or organizations that are ready to take a deep dive into becoming architects of their future will find tremendous value. 

The Design:

As a coach and teacher, learning environments are critical to me. This course provides video, audio, and written means of communication. The most important component is the self-reflection portion. The answers to your best self and your organization’s best culture reside within you. It was important for me to be able to collaborate with members of this community. While there are no “graded assignments” there are platforms available to ask questions as you work through the course.  There are also additional reading resources that I’ve found critical in my pursuit. I want to be a resource for those aspiring to create a special culture.

Final Thought:

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey. For years, I’ve grappled with the idea of putting my ideas into the universe. It’s still tough for me.
I decided six years ago I wouldn’t let fear stop me. What’s helped me is doubling down on being authentic, vulnerable and humble. I only share content that is my true self and can make a positive difference. I believe in this project.

Here’s how you can help:

Everything helps. Visiting and sharing the website will help us attract the right people and organizations. Thank you in advance for spreading the word. 

If you have questions about the course, feel free to reach out or talk to a member of the Clear Learn team.  

Thank you,

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Culture Building and Our Best Self

Iowa St. is not a football power house. In the three seasons prior to Head Coach Matt Campbell’s arrival, their record was 8-28. Campbell’s first year in 2016 the Cyclones were 3-9. Since then, the program has been trending upward: 8-5; 8-5; 7-6. Currently they are 8-2, ranked #9 in the country, and are sitting atop the B12 standings. 

I’m sure Coach Campbell is a phenomenal football mind; however, smart football people are a dime a dozen. His success, in my opinion, is because he is a culture builder. 

The word culture makes people cringe. It has become a buzz word. Culture is not ping pong tables, bean bag chairs, and casual dress.  Building culture requires deep internal work, self-reflection, and is centered on developing championship behaviors in the people of the organization.

The Best Version of Ourselves:

Through observation, I believe Iowa State’s culture is the pursuit of being the best version of themselves. In the press conference following their big win over Texas, Campbell mentioned “the best version of ourselves” multiple times. Here are three quotes:

“And the greatest thing that has allowed this team, and really our staff and probably me in general, is to put ego away and really evaluate and try to figure out how do you chart a course to become the best version of yourself you can be. “

“And then how do we do a great job of giving this program consistency and the opportunity to become the best version of ourselves we can be?

“Well, I think I’d be really disappointed if we didn’t get on the plane, flush it, and enjoy the fact we were able to win, and then by tomorrow, be ready to sit back and dissect it. And say, Man, what didn’t we do well? What do we need to get better at? How do we continue to improve. So if we want to continue to grow and have a chance to be the best version of ourselves we can be and reach our full potential, then we’ll have to come back and take that same mindset.” 

Can Iowa St. compete year in and year out with the blue bloods of college football? Probably not. But….can they work relentlessly toward being the best version of themselves? Definitely.  

What do Indiana Baseball and Iowa St. Football have in common?

It’s amazing how things come full circle. This spring, Indiana University’s head baseball coach, Jeff Mercer, met with our team via Zoom. We asked him a question about how he handles players who are disappointed with their playing time. His answer was magnificent. “You have to have a goal outside of the result. Everyone in our program’s job is to be the best version of themselves. Whether you played in the game or not, the responsibility is to be the best version of yourself.”

Coach Mercer is an outstanding person, and Indiana baseball is a tremendous program. Iowa St, under Coach Campbell, is on the rise. Maybe there is something to building a culture based on the pursuit of being the best version of ourselves?
(At the bottom of this article are two videos from Campbell and Mercer. Tell me you wouldn’t want to play for these men.)

Final Thought:

It’s easy to say an organization’s success is due to luck. It’s also easy to recite perceived advantages. However, when studying high performing teams, I’m blown away by their intentional approach to culture building. 

To some, a phrase like “the best version of ourselves” is soft. It doesn’t focus on winning or championships. I would push back and say simply having a goal of winning is soft. There’s no substance behind it. Watch a little kid, they want to win, and if they don’t they pout. The same unproductive behavior is frequently found in organizations focusing exclusively on results. 

Consider the idea of being the best version of ourselves. It is a challenging but rewarding pursuit. It’s 100% completely within our control. Everyone has a different starting point in life and circumstances are different. The starting point has nothing to do with the ability to be our best selves. It’s far from soft. It takes away all excuses. There are no outside comparisons. No envy.

It’s simply a mission to show up for those we love in the best way possible. 

What if everyone in your organization owned that goal? 

Reflection Question:

Could you or your organization benefit from shifting the focus to being the best version of yourself? 

Big Announcement Next Week:

I’ve been working on creating a culture and leadership course. Check it out!

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Ten Lessons Learned From Villanova Basketball

(Article was originally released in December of 2018)

Last spring, the Villanova men’s basketball team blasted the University of Michigan 79-62 to win their second national title in three years.  During the net cutting ceremony, a reporter interviewed several of the Wildcat players.  This video, while long for some (7:53), is my favorite clip of 2018.  We get a raw peak at an elite culture.    

Here are my top ten takeaways from the video:
Villanova’s Championship Culture:
1.  Win with People: The players reference “the great group of guys” seven times in the clip.  The word “love” is mentioned three times.  Talent is important.  The blend of the right talent and great people creates champions.
2.  Gratitude is Present: The player’s easily and frequently used: “thank you,” “please,” and “sir.” You could feel their gratitude for being a part of something special.
3.  Defense Wins: Defense and rebounding was mentioned five times. Donte DiVincezo, the tournament MVP, scored 31 points in the game but his first comment was how he had to learn how to play the defensive side of the ball.  
4.  Face Adversity: You could tell individually and collectively the group faced challenges and obstacles.  Adversity will always be there.  It’s how groups choose to respond.  
5.  Role Players aren’t “Role Players”:  The second unit of Villanova didn’t just maintain, they brought energy and saw themselves as starters.  To win at the highest level, everyone must decide to dominate their role.  
6.  Selfless: I didn’t hear one person talk about themselves and they were quick to mention others.  In fact, you could sense the joy in their voices as they spoke of their teammates.  
7.  Winning is hard: “There was a lot of hard work and a lot of tough moments.  We’ve been coached and everyone stepped up.”  Everyone says they want to achieve at a high level.  Very few know just how much sacrifice goes into it.  
8.  Process not the result:  It is mentioned twice how they never focused on winning a championship or “blowing someone out.”  They did focus on playing hard, fast and together.  
9.  Internal Competition: One young man, mentions the battles every day in practice.  Championship programs are loaded with talented, tough and committed players.  If you want to win big, you better be ready to compete.
10.  It’s not about any one person: If you want to be a star and receive all the limelight, you probably should avoid a championship culture.  The system is the star.  You give up a lot as an individual for the ultimate jubilation of winning championships.  

Very rarely do you get a raw, unscripted video like this.  It shows the buy-in necessary to achieve elite level results.  Sure, this video and article have a slant toward basketball but many of these characteristics are found in high functioning organizations in every field.  Please feel free to get in touch if you’d like to discuss with me further!
This was my favorite video of 2018….a raw look at a championship culture

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Protecting the Culture, Second Chances and Empathy

As a collegiate baseball coach I work mainly with 18-22 year old males. As a former person in this demographic, I can assure you young adults do dumb things. Sometimes really dumb things. 
When incidents occur there is a great deal of frustration. There is often pressure to remove the athlete or to impose a strong punishment. If your punishment doesn’t please the masses you appear soft on discipline. Or, worse yet, accusations emerge claiming you only care about winning.

Here’s what people forget, we are dealing with human beings. A human being who, with the right guidance, can make the most of a second chance. It’s much easier to remove a person from the team or organization. Removal has the outward presence of being a disciplinarian or “tough on crime.” 

What’s worse? There will be times when you provide a second or fifth chance and you get burned. The critics are even louder when this occurs. 

I don’t know if it’s the holiday season or the crazy state of the world, but the importance of empathy keeps reappearing. Below are three stories with short videos centering around second chances and empathy. Click on the title to view the video.


1.    The Story of Caron Butler– Butler played 14 seasons in the NBA. Presently he is an assistant coach with the Miami Heat. His success almost never happened. Raised in Racine, WI- Caron was arrested 15 times before his 15th birthday. At the age of 14, he received a year-long sentence. Upon his release, he committed to turning his life around. Less than two years removed from incarceration, Butler’s house was raided by the police. They found crack cocaine and other drugs in an adjacent garage. There was enough evidence for lead officer, Rick Geller, to arrest Butler. If convicted he would have faced a minimum sentence of 10 years. Geller trusted his instincts- he noticed Butler was in complete disbelief. In an unbelievable display of empathy, Geller decided not to issue an arrest. He told Butler, “I hope I don’t regret this.” Geller has been proven right. Butler now owns multiple Burger King franchises, works to bridge the gap between police and communities, and is active in supporting at-risk youth. What if Geller would have decided to charge Butler on that fateful day?


2.    Nick Saban on Second Chances– In a press conference in 2014, Nick Saban delivered an epic rant concerning second chances. When players get in trouble he challenged conventional thinking on discipline. “Where do you want them to be? On the streets? Or here graduating?” He then references Mohsin “Moose” Muhammed who Saban coached at Michigan State. Muhammed was arrested for having a loaded gun, which was in violation of his probation from a previous charge. “Everybody in the school, every newspaper guy, everybody was killing the guy because he got in trouble and said he shouldn’t be on the football team.” After an amazing NFL career, Muhammed is a leader in business and the community. He is the President of M2 Foundation for kids, he and his wife have adopted two daughters from Ethiopia, and he is also the cofounder of a private equity firm. Saban ends the rant by saying, “So, who was right?”  


3.    Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care- this video always makes me pause. It shows how every person is facing their own challenges. It’s a great reminder for all of us to be more forgiving and understanding. 

Final Thought:

I get it. The stories above are isolated accounts. There are times when second chances do not work out. The leader is charged with upholding organizational standards . Despite their best efforts to serve the individual, there are behaviors that warrant removal. There isn’t always another chance.


I hope, however, that today’s article gives you the strength to make decisions based upon what you believe to be right, not because of public pressure. Showing support for a person when the rest of the world appears to be abandoning them is incredibly powerful. It’s something that person never forgets. We all need an encourager to stand with us. The critics will always be there….who cares about them.

We are working with sons and daughters, fathers and mothers. As leaders, it’s our job to fight for the culture of our organization. But, we must remember to do it in the most human way possible. 

I have made mistakes, received a break, and capitalized on the second chance. 

Can you recall a time when you made a mistake, could have been severely punished, and received forgiveness? 

There’s a good chance someone showed you empathy. Maybe you’ll have an opportunity to pay the same grace forward. 

**Special shout out to coach Adam Mosley of Hoover High School and coach Tom Marker of Olentangy Orange for sharing the Caron Butler video.**

Mushin Muhammad article

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My Five Year Posting Anniversary

I wrote my first article Thanksgiving week, 2014.  Over these five years I’ve written between 140-165 articles.  My first year writing I posted on WordPress and I don’t know how many I wrote that year; therefore my count is bit vague.  I switched to Mailchimp in 2015 and have produced 139 articles over a four year span.  So, I’ve averaged somewhere between 28-33 articles a year.  If I were to guess the average length of each piece was between 800-900 words.  That means I’ve written and shared roughly 131,750 words! 
 
In celebration of the 5-Year Anniversary I wanted to share the random things I’ve learned: 

  • There are critics and performers in life- I want to perform and not criticize.
  • Taking risks is dangerous.
  • Playing it safe and small is deadly.
  • Your kids are more likely to become what you do, not what you say- model well.
  • Drive fast, take chances- you only live once. 
  • Your “voice” is the most important thing as a writer. 
  • The quicker you realize that internal success trumps external success the better.
  • Take care of your spouse first, your kids second.    
  • Minivans get a bad rap; if you have more than two kids buy one.
  • Make your present job the big time. 
  • Being able to self-reflect and evaluate is incredibly hard for most people.
  • Those who can self-reflect and evaluate possess a tremendous competitive advantage over those who can’t.
  • Sharing my thoughts has increased my accountability. 
  • Authenticity and vulnerability are attractive personality traits. 
  • Being physically present with family isn’t as important as society makes it out to be.
  • Being mentally present when you are with family is more important than society makes it out to be. 
  • Competitive sports are one of the last “no spin zones”: stewards of the game must fight to uphold this. 
  • A high performing team will beat a high performing individual.
  • Being a part of a team requires sacrificing a little of your individuality.
  • That sacrifice is totally worth it. 
  • We tend to exaggerate our hardships and minimize others.   
  • Culture is important but so is talent.
  • Leadership is important but so is “followership.” 
  • People want to help; have the courage to ask. 
  • If you aren’t curious it’s impossible to grow.
  • If you aren’t growing you are going to get run over.
  • Data and technology are here to stay but it will never replace human connection.
  • Haters are going to hate.
  • If you are looking for quick fixes you’ll be searching for a long time. 
  • Poor diet and lack of exercise manifest physically as you advance in age.
  • The older generation always has, and still continues to be disappointed in the younger generation.  
  • It’s time for the older generation to get over it.
  • Always leave it better than you found it.   
  • Detaching emotionally is important in successful decision making. 
  • Detaching emotionally from decision making can make detaching emotionally from family and friends more likely.  Be careful. 
  • Stop saying, “I’m old.” You are never old unless you want to be. 
  • When hiring read the candidates thank you note to the secretary and not the boss.
  • Defense wins championships. 
  • However, offense gets your name in the paper. 
  • Being busy is a choice. 
  • Carving out time to think, reflect, and create is worth the investment. 
  • You are not as important as you think…enjoy yourself. 
  • Kids haven’t changed, but adults have.
  • A funeral can be enjoyable- a life-well lived is inspiring. 
  • Timing and luck do matter.
  • The harder and smarter you work the odds of experiencing positive timing and luck increase.
  • Racism still exists and I can’t for the life of me understand why. 
  • If you are feeling down do something for someone else.
  • When your playing career concludes it will be better to be known as an unreal teammate than an unreal talent.
  • It won’t mean a thing if you didn’t earn it. 
  • If you would want it for your kids you ought to do it for yourself. 
  • There’s nothing like being a part of something bigger than yourself.

 
A sincere thank you for accompanying me on this journey.  The relationships and connections I’ve made or enhanced via this newsletter is incredibly full-filling.  Your patience and guidance is greatly appreciated. 
 
I’m just getting started, friends.  I look forward to growing and improving in the next five years.

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Multi-Sport Athletes and Professional Cross-Training

What’s better: to specialize in one sport or be a multi-sport athlete? In certain circles, this question is as controversial as opening up Thanksgiving dinner with, “who’d you vote for?”

My guess is the majority of collegiate coaches are in favor of multi-sport athletes. Each sport requires the body to use different muscles. In youth and adolescents, sport diversity can assist in better movement quality and body awareness.

Equal, if not more important, are the life and mental skills learned. For example, shooting a free-throw in front of a crowded gymnasium provides a pressure packed experience. This situation provides a feedback loop for the aspiring baseball player in managing high-leverage situations in the future.

While playing multiple sports is great, it’s not the only pathway. For various reasons, early specialization can benefit certain kids. For example, if one attends a large and talent-rich high school, it’s hard to make multiple teams. For some, their best shot is to specialize in one sport. 

The big miss, however, is when specialization fails to include cross-training. Cross-training can be defined as: “the action or practice of engaging in two or more sports or types of exercise in order to improve fitness or performance in one’s main sport.”

If an athlete decides to focus on one sport, their training should still include other techniques to enhance their skill set. Here’s an example from our baseball program. One of our players asked how he should approach enhancing his infield skills this off-season. The safe answer would have been prescribing infield specific drills; including lots of ground ball repetitions. Our conversation, however, concluded with us suggesting that playing racquetball and pick-up hoops would be his best pathway to improvement. .

Professional Cross-Training: I have a confession. Last year, I found myself becoming stagnant in baseball. For the first 15+ years of my career I could pour myself into learning sport specific technique and strategy. For the first time I felt a dangerous void in curiosity. The enthusiasm for learning just wasn’t at the level necessary for high performance. 
Luckily, I was introduced to a group of coaches and leaders outside of baseball. Over the past year, my growth has come from professional cross-training. I’ve had amazing conversations with coaches and coach developers from the world of cricket, rugby, gymnastics, soccer, and even Formula 1 racing. 
I’ve seen how the fundamentals of leadership, culture building and learning environments are applicable across various sports. The thrilling part for me is taking the lessons and applying them to our baseball program. 

How You Can Utilize Cross-Training: Have you ever felt stagnant in your growth? As we advance in our careers we tend to specialize. We add value in a particular area, lean into that area, and in a lot of cases become an expert. Even when seeking professional development opportunities we tend to engage with individuals from our same industry.
Could you benefit from learning opportunities in other sectors? If you are a lawyer could you spend time discussing customer service with a friend in sales? If you are a doctor, could you ask a football coach advice on their process for performance evaluation? If you are in business, could you ask an educator how to best shape a learning environment for an upcoming meeting? 

I believe you’ll find returning to a beginners mindset, a white-belt mentality, will reignite your curiosity. This shift in mindset will allow you to approach your area of expertise with new energy and passion. Opportunities will appear that have been missing. 

Questions for reflection:

1.    Where can you look outside of your industry for growth?

2.    How can you encourage cross-training amongst your employees?

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Look for Helpers

Look for the Helpers

“When I was a boy and I’d see scary things in the news, my mother would say, ‘Look for the helpers.  You’ll always find people who are helping.’ To this day, I remember her words and I’m always comforted that there are so many helpers, so many caring people in this world.” – Fred Rogers

I saw this quote and it stopped me in my tracks.  Here are my takeaways.  I would love to hear yours.

  1. Place a premium on selflessness.  Actively seek to surround yourself with people who have a servant, not entitled, mindset.  They’ll be happier and you’ll be happier as well.  
  2. Great people are everywhere. Despite what we see on the news, there are so many awesome people in the world.  It’s important to celebrate the goodness in humanity.  
  3. We choose our attitude.  Every day, we have a choice to live in a positive or negative state. What an incredibly powerful decision!

Join me this week intentionally “looking for the helpers.” Let’s do our part to be a positive life force.  

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National Letter of Intent and The Messy Middle

This week high school student-athletes from all over the country are signing National Letters of Intent. It’s a big day for the kids, their families and their communities.
It a joyous time for a couple reasons. First, it is validation for the athlete’s talent and hard work. Years of commitment and sacrifice earned them the opportunity. It’s the end of a tough but rewarding expedition. Secondly, it’s the beginning of a new journey. Joining a new team and school is exhilarating. 
It’s a collision of the bookends- the conclusion of one phase and the beginning of a new endeavor. It’s a day that needs celebrated. However, today’s article is about what happens in the middle. 

The Real Student-Athlete Journey:

While signing day is often filled with smiles, the actual journey of a collegiate athlete is messy. When the student-athlete arrives on campus they are immediately faced with challenges. There are small changes like doing laundry, waking themselves up, and managing their own schedule. There are bigger challenges like homesickness. And then, they experience their first training session. Reality quickly sets in. They are not being recruited anymore. All the athletes are committed and competitive. In many cases they are overmatched both physically and mentally. The euphoria of signing day seems long ago. 
During the journey there are highs coupled with lows. Coaches are constantly challenging the athlete to improve. FOMO is real. Athletes see the social media post of their friends “living the good life” and feel they are missing out. Everyone else is having fun and they are knee deep in the struggle. Is it all worth it? 

The Messy Middle:

Vulnerability and courage expert, Brene Brown, refers to this time as the “messy middle” or “day 2.” On the surface, this stage feels awful: there are struggles, strife and uncomfortable situations. Ones resolve is tested again and again. There’s also boredom and monotony.   
While most people tend to celebrate at the beginning and end, Brown celebrates the middle. “The middle is messy, but it’s also where all the magic happens, all the tension that creates goodness and learning.” 

Thoughts for Parents:

I wish I could tell you that your child’s journey was going to be smooth and happy from start to finish. That’s just not the case. 
I often get asked by friends who have collegiate athletes, “I feel helpless. What can I do for them?”
I’d like to turn to Brene again. I believe her advice is spot on:


1.    Name It: Acknowledging that collegiate athletics are tough is a great start. Brene refers to the second day of a three day seminar as “Day 2” because she knows that it is the most challenging time. The Navy Seals use the phrase “Embrace the suck” during rigorous training. Naming the event can help.

2.    Normalize it: One thing is certain, the path to any great accomplishment is filled with speed bumps. There isn’t a high performer on the planet that hasn’t dealt with rejection and failure. This is part of the process.

3.    Put it in Perspective: The compared to what test is powerful. This situation is bad compared to what: fighting a terminal illness, poverty, battling in a war. Regaining a sense of perspective is critical.

4.    Reality Check Expectations: Did we really think this was going to be easy? This is a good time to self-reflect, and maybe even laugh, at how misguided the original expectations were. 

Final Thought:

The messy middle doesn’t just apply to signing day and collegiate athletes. This process plays itself out over and over again in life. Wedding day is the celebration followed by the struggles of doing life together. Accepting a new job gets tons of congratulations texts and tweets. A few weeks into the job, however, we see the flaws of the organization. Presently, we are in the middle of the COVID pandemic. If the present moment isn’t messy, I don’t know what is. 
Here’s the amazing part. We know that messiness is a part of our life’s journey. No one is immune to it. Just like the collegiate athlete and parent, we have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. We can make the choice to lean into the obstacles and embrace the difficult time knowing that eventually we will emerge in a better position. We can remind ourselves that adversity is actually what makes life special. 
Congratulations to all of the student-athletes who were able to commit to their next journey. Be proud; you earned it. The good news is you have a new expedition ahead that will be messy to say the least. Think about how beautiful that mess is going to be. 

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