Fear of Missing Out and Fear of Other People’s Opinions

On the road to leading a meaningful life you can encounter two types of fear: The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and the Fear of Other People’s Opinions (FOPO).

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO):
To pursue the uncommon, sacrifice accompanies the journey.  The high school student who gets outstanding grades has to study while others “hang out.”  The committed athlete has to get up early and train while her friends stay out late and sleep in.  The medical student continues education for years without pay while her peers are earning a living.  The ambitious new employee has to work during the holidays while family and friends gather to celebrate.  When deciding to get on the path of pursuing greatness “missing out” can become crippling.

Fear of Other People’s Opinion (FOPO):
The barrier that stops most people from living the life they want is the fear of other people’s opinions.  A child doesn’t want to play baseball anymore but is afraid of what his parents will think if he tells them.  A teenager wants to raise her hand in class but she is afraid to “look stupid” in front of her classmates.  The college student has a passion for teaching but the family expectation is to go to law school.  You want to get on the dance floor and break it down at a wedding but you worry about what others will think.  FOPO robs us of happiness, joy and growth.

The Cost:
If we develop the courage to chase our dreams, we will have to miss out on events and we will be judged by others.  However, what’s more concerning, is the price we pay for playing it safe and small, and allowing FOMO and FOPO to stop us from living our best lives.  The committed athlete, can choose to attend the big party; however, the cost will be never knowing the thrill of competing on the highest stage.  The rising sales person can choose to take a day off to attend a friend’s birthday weekend in Vegas, but he may never get the bonus and promotion that accompanies the hard work.  The path to greatness is littered with obstacles.  We can’t allow FOMO and FOPO to win.

A Quick Story:
Our daughter, Elizabeth, had her 7^th birthday party at the ice-skating rink.  There were over 20 kids present plus some of their parents.  I haven’t skated since I was 11 or 12 years old.  My wife thought it would be best if we had an adult on the ice with the kids.  In full transparency, FOPO started kicking in.  I didn’t want to be the “big goof” on skates that was embarrassing to my kids and myself.  It had to be done, so I hopped on the ice.

After hanging on to the boards for the first 5 minutes, I started getting the hang of it.  I fell three times (once really hard….I’m still feeling the effects).  However, it ended up being an absolute blast. I felt childlike – chasing the kids around, slamming into the boards like Tom Wilson, and holding the hands of kids who struggled.  I smiled and laughed for the entire party.

The ice-skating episode got me thinking, “How many amazing things have I missed out on because of the fear of other people’s opinions?”

Four Things I’ve Learned:

1. Those that truly love me and want what’s best for me understand there are times I have to miss events to chase my dreams.  Yes, that means the “big stuff” like birthdays and weddings.
2. The present moment is all we have.  So, instead of focusing on what I am missing, I focus on “being where my feet are.”  I attempt to make the present experience a powerful one.
3. My leadership and self-satisfaction have increased tremendously since I stopped worrying about others’ opinions. I’ve adopted the motto, “I respectfully don’t care what you think.”
4. EVERYONE wrestles with FOMO and FOPO.  The best keep moving forward despite their fears.

Final Thoughts:
How many times have you missed out on a big opportunity because you had a fear of missing out?  Have you ever let other people’s opinions limit you?

The challenge this week is to be highly in tune with FOMO and FOPO.  Develop the awareness to realize when you are limiting yourself due to these crippling fears.  Remember, playing it safe and allowing fear to win will feel comfortable in the short term; however, the long-term damage will be severe.  Let’s stop letting FOMO and FOPO rob us of becoming our best selves.