National Letter of Intent and The Messy Middle

This week high school student-athletes from all over the country are signing National Letters of Intent. It’s a big day for the kids, their families and their communities.
It a joyous time for a couple reasons. First, it is validation for the athlete’s talent and hard work. Years of commitment and sacrifice earned them the opportunity. It’s the end of a tough but rewarding expedition. Secondly, it’s the beginning of a new journey. Joining a new team and school is exhilarating. 
It’s a collision of the bookends- the conclusion of one phase and the beginning of a new endeavor. It’s a day that needs celebrated. However, today’s article is about what happens in the middle. 

The Real Student-Athlete Journey:

While signing day is often filled with smiles, the actual journey of a collegiate athlete is messy. When the student-athlete arrives on campus they are immediately faced with challenges. There are small changes like doing laundry, waking themselves up, and managing their own schedule. There are bigger challenges like homesickness. And then, they experience their first training session. Reality quickly sets in. They are not being recruited anymore. All the athletes are committed and competitive. In many cases they are overmatched both physically and mentally. The euphoria of signing day seems long ago. 
During the journey there are highs coupled with lows. Coaches are constantly challenging the athlete to improve. FOMO is real. Athletes see the social media post of their friends “living the good life” and feel they are missing out. Everyone else is having fun and they are knee deep in the struggle. Is it all worth it? 

The Messy Middle:

Vulnerability and courage expert, Brene Brown, refers to this time as the “messy middle” or “day 2.” On the surface, this stage feels awful: there are struggles, strife and uncomfortable situations. Ones resolve is tested again and again. There’s also boredom and monotony.   
While most people tend to celebrate at the beginning and end, Brown celebrates the middle. “The middle is messy, but it’s also where all the magic happens, all the tension that creates goodness and learning.” 

Thoughts for Parents:

I wish I could tell you that your child’s journey was going to be smooth and happy from start to finish. That’s just not the case. 
I often get asked by friends who have collegiate athletes, “I feel helpless. What can I do for them?”
I’d like to turn to Brene again. I believe her advice is spot on:

1.    Name It: Acknowledging that collegiate athletics are tough is a great start. Brene refers to the second day of a three day seminar as “Day 2” because she knows that it is the most challenging time. The Navy Seals use the phrase “Embrace the suck” during rigorous training. Naming the event can help.

2.    Normalize it: One thing is certain, the path to any great accomplishment is filled with speed bumps. There isn’t a high performer on the planet that hasn’t dealt with rejection and failure. This is part of the process.

3.    Put it in Perspective: The compared to what test is powerful. This situation is bad compared to what: fighting a terminal illness, poverty, battling in a war. Regaining a sense of perspective is critical.

4.    Reality Check Expectations: Did we really think this was going to be easy? This is a good time to self-reflect, and maybe even laugh, at how misguided the original expectations were. 

Final Thought:

The messy middle doesn’t just apply to signing day and collegiate athletes. This process plays itself out over and over again in life. Wedding day is the celebration followed by the struggles of doing life together. Accepting a new job gets tons of congratulations texts and tweets. A few weeks into the job, however, we see the flaws of the organization. Presently, we are in the middle of the COVID pandemic. If the present moment isn’t messy, I don’t know what is. 
Here’s the amazing part. We know that messiness is a part of our life’s journey. No one is immune to it. Just like the collegiate athlete and parent, we have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. We can make the choice to lean into the obstacles and embrace the difficult time knowing that eventually we will emerge in a better position. We can remind ourselves that adversity is actually what makes life special. 
Congratulations to all of the student-athletes who were able to commit to their next journey. Be proud; you earned it. The good news is you have a new expedition ahead that will be messy to say the least. Think about how beautiful that mess is going to be.